


Playing With Fire

by SunriseRose1023



Series: Out of the Ashes [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Headaches & Migraines, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Jealousy, Marriage Proposal, Mild Language, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy Scares, Secrets, Sexual Content, Smoking, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Surgery, Wedding Fluff, Weddings, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2019-09-27 10:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 66,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17160125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunriseRose1023/pseuds/SunriseRose1023
Summary: Some things just do not mix. Oil and water. Fire and gasoline. You and Bucky Barnes. When it was good, it was great, but when it was bad, it destroyed everything in its path. You’d tried–both of you had–but some things just aren’t meant to be.A year after your break up, Bucky gives you a call, and you willingly dive headfirst back into his orbit. You set boundaries this time, put up walls, determined to keep yourself from being burned again. You’re not about to let him get too close.Only problem? Bucky didn’t get that memo.





	1. Kiss Me When I'm Down

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my first foray into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, something I've been a fan of for quite a while. I posted this to Tumblr first, but with all of the changes that they've stupidly put into place, I thought maybe I should move some stuff over here.

He’d made it a year.

365 days have passed since she showed back up on his doorstep, a box of trash bags in her hand, and a handful of boxes in the hands of the “old friend” standing behind her, an NFL linebacker twice his size. The sneer on the guy’s face said more than any words could, so Bucky stayed back and just watched as the future they’d been planning was carried out box by box.

Now, though …

A stack of mail on the counter had her name on the envelopes. There was a dusty tube of toothpaste in the bathroom that he refused to use or throw away. The  _Zeppelin III_  CD case—just the case, not the CD— seemed to taunt him from the coffee table.

So maybe he’d been drinking some tonight. And maybe he’d had a shitty week at work. And maybe that made him a bit more inclined to lean towards what some might call a “bad idea,” or even a “mistake.”

Bucky Barnes was far from a saint.

He was sitting on the couch, staring at the two-thirds empty bottle of Jim Beam, fingers tapping on the neck of the beer he’d gotten out of the fridge.

He shouldn’t do it.

There was no reason to do it.

No good could come from it.

He picked up his phone and dialed the number, letting muscle memory take over after that mistake of a weepy drunken night with Steve, when the bastard had taken his phone and deleted her number.

Bucky leaned back against the couch cushions and closed his eyes.

_“Hey, you.”_

He smiled.

“Hey back. You busy?”  
 _“Nope.”_

Bucky listened for a minute, then spoke again.

“You’re not at home, are you?”  
 _“What gave it away?”_  
“Bar sounds crowded tonight.”

She sighed, the sound of it through the phone driving a shiver down his spine.

_“And somehow I feel like I’m the only one in here.”_

Fuck, this was a bad idea. Bucky cleared his throat, still keeping his eyes closed.

“Listen, I uh…”  
 _“Why are you calling me, Barnes?”_

He sighed.

“Because it’s been a year.”  
 _“I know. Why do you think I’m at this bar?”_  
“I’m a little drunk myself.”  
 _“I know. You wouldn’t have called me otherwise.”_

He blinked his eyes open, and that goddamn CD case stared back at him.

“You left some things.”  
 _“Bucky.”_  
“That nasty-ass toothpaste you love so much.”  
 _“That shit’s expensive.”_  
“I know. But you left some here. And there’s a stack of mail in the kitchen with your name on it.”

She didn’t say anything, so he went on.

“Did you take the Zeppelin CD?”  
 _“ **My**  Zeppelin CD?”_  
“We bought Zepp III together.”  
 _“You lying bastard, **I**  bought that!”_

Bucky laughed, all but hearing her smile through the phone. They were both quiet for a minute, until she spoke again.

_“So what … what you saying, Buck? I need to come get my stuff?”_

He swallowed.

“If you want to.”  
 _“Oh, Bucky.”_  
“Just don’t … just don’t, okay?”  
 _“Okay.”_

He licked his lips, leaning back against the couch again. After a moment, he closed his eyes, then spoke.

“Pay your tab and I’ll pay for your cab.”

He heard her deep inhale, her ragged exhale. Could see her in his mind, at war with herself over what a bad idea this was. She was always the clearer thinker, listening to her brain where Bucky ran with his heart. She’d be able to see this for what it was, and would use it to gently break him apart one more time.

_“Okay.”_

Blue eyes flew open as the call ended, and Bucky moved up to the edge of the couch. He ran a hand over his unshaven jaw, pushed his too-long hair out of his face.

He stood and walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge and taking out another beer. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against the cool metal, closing his eyes.

* * *

You sat in the back of the cab, shaking your head.

This was the  _textbook definition_  of a “bad idea.”

What good could possibly come from this? Absolutely nothing. Bucky was bad for you. You knew it, he knew it. The whole damn world knew it. You couldn’t make it work together. You’d tried — God knows you tried. And he did, too, but some things just aren’t meant to be.

You chewed on your bottom lip as you looked out the window, watching the familiar scenery pass by.

You could put a stop to it now. Tell the driver to turn around, to head to your address instead of … your old one.

Instead, you leaned back against the seat, closing your eyes and trying to block everything out of your mind, everything except the slow country song flowing through the car’s tinny speakers.

* * *

“Ma’am? This is the address you gave me.”

You knew it was, and you stubbornly held your eyes closed for one more moment. You finally sighed, acquiescing the fight, blinking your eyes open. You sucked in a breath when your door opened, at the same time that a low voice murmured to the driver.

“Keep the change.”  
“Thank you, sir. Have a good night.”

You put your hand in Bucky’s warm one, shivering as he helped you from the car. You swallowed as his blue eyes took you in, keeping your hand in his as he turned and led you inside the house.

You set your purse down on the table just inside the door, slipping your shoes off and pushing them under the table with your foot. Bucky was walking around in bare feet, and you hated to wear shoes if you didn’t have to. You followed him into the kitchen, letting out a laugh when you saw the bottle he was pouring you a drink from. He raised an eyebrow, and you shook your head.

“You never struck me as a wine aficionado, Barnes.”  
“I’m not. I know you like it, though. White, right?”

You nodded, and he handed you a glass. You took a sip, sighing when the crisp liquid slid over your tongue.

“Nice choice.”  
“Thanks.”

The two of you stood there in an awkward silence, you sipping from your glass while Bucky traced patterns on the countertop with a finger. He finally huffed out a breath and went for the fridge, pulling it open and grabbing a beer from the door. He popped the top and tossed it onto the counter as he took a gulp, then turned back to you as the fridge almost slammed shut.

“Why is this so weird?”

You sighed, setting your now empty glass on the counter and reaching over to grab the bottle.

“Because it’s not like it used to be.”  
“So … what, we can’t even talk to each other now?”

You shrugged your shoulders, foregoing the glass and putting the bottle to your lips. Bucky let out a quiet laugh at that, speaking under his breath.

“That’s my girl.”

The words stung, causing the next words to come out of your mouth to do the same.

“I’m not your girl, Barnes. Not anymore. You made damn sure of that.”  
“ _I_  did? You’re the one who left.”  
“You didn’t give me a choice!”  
“The hell I didn’t!”

You stopped, setting the bottle down on the counter. You let out a laugh, shaking your head as you brought your eyes to his.

“Look at us. We haven’t been together more than five minutes and we’re already fighting.”

Bucky closed his eyes, letting out a sigh as he set a hand on his hip.

“What else are we supposed to do? All we’re good at is fighting.”

You had a soft smile on your face, cheeks burning as you stared at the countertop. Bucky stepped closer, setting his beer bottle down near the wine bottle.  

“I know that look. That blush on your cheeks? You’re thinking of another ‘F’ word that we’re good at. One we are  _damn_  good at.”

You cleared your throat, shivering slightly at the deep chuckle that rumbled in Bucky’s throat. You turned your head, looking into those bright blue eyes, breath catching in your throat when his warm hand covered yours.

“Buck, this is a bad idea.”  
“I know.”  
“I just came to get the things you called me about.”  
“I know.”

You swallowed, stepping closer to him. You turned your hand over, lacing your fingers with his. He never took his eyes from you, and you lifted a hand, brushing your fingers through his hair.

“You let it grow.”  
“No one was here to remind me to get it cut.”

Your heart stuttered in your chest at that murmured statement, and you swallowed again.

“I like it.”

His blue eyes widened just a bit.

“Really?”

You nodded, moving your hand from his hair down to his stubbled cheek.

“Mixed with this scruff, it gives you an edgy look.”  
“Y/N…”

You held your hand on his face, watching his eyes drift closed as your fingers slid over his skin. When his eyes opened again, you whimpered, causing him to wrap his arms around you.

“Fuck, Barnes. I missed you.”  
“I miss you, too.”

Your ears barely registered the present tense he used. You were so close to him you could feel his breath, and he tugged you even closer.

“We shouldn’t do this.”  
“I know.”  
“It … it can’t change anything.”  
“It won’t.”

He was leaning closer to you, while you were slowly going onto your tiptoes, moving closer to him. Bucky’s voice was barely audible when he spoke, but you heard him as if he screamed.

“If you want to go… I’ll let you.”

You lifted your eyes to his, moving to put your hands on his face again.

“There’s nowhere else I want to be.”

Whether he moved or you did, you may never know, but suddenly, Bucky’s lips were on yours and everything else faded away.

He was so strong, that fact made even more evident when he lifted you into his arms with minimal effort. You wrapped your legs around his waist, arms around his neck, lips locked onto his as he carried you from the kitchen, down to the bedroom.

You saw the candles he’d lit on the nightstand and his dresser, and you let out a laugh. You also somehow noticed that the sheets on the bed were ones that you’d left, dark blue ones with light blue stripes, because Bucky was “ _not about to sleep on any sissy-ass girly flower sheets_.” You smiled at the memory, especially the one that followed when you had showed Bucky just how enticing flower-covered sheets could be.

You squealed when Bucky’s teeth gently pressed into your neck, and he smiled as he met your eyes. You pushed your hands through his hair, tugging it gently, causing a delicious moan to slip from his lips. You moved your palms under his jaw, pulling his mouth back to yours, whimpering when his hand went to work on the button and zipper of your jeans.

“God, I’ve missed this.”

You could only nod as the warmth from Bucky’s hand bled through your jeans, and you shivered and gasped when that warmth was pressed against your bare skin. His fingers danced over your stomach before sliding his hand beneath the lacy waistband of your panties.

Both of you groaned when his hand cupped you, one finger slowly moving up and down your slit. You tried to spread your legs a bit more, huffing in frustration when you couldn’t. Bucky chuckled as he moved back from you, taking hold of the jeans and tugging them down your legs.

You gasped, hands flying down as Bucky simply moved your panties aside and buried his face between your legs. You held handfuls of his hair as he used his mouth on you, steadily pushing you higher until you were flying over the edge.

You vaguely felt Bucky’s stubble against your cheek as he kissed you, hips sliding against yours as he groaned softly in your ear. You blinked, turning your head to see him lift his own, moving just enough to press his lips to yours. He sat up, taking hold of your shirt and lifting it up and over your head, sitting back and tugging his own shirt off.

“Holy crap, Buck.”

Bucky gave a shuddering exhale as you ran your fingers down his abs, feeling cuts of muscle that hadn’t been there before.

“Baby.”

You blinked as you looked up, meeting his eyes. He reached out and took your face in his warm hands, leaning in and kissing you deeply. You rested back against the pillows, arching your back as Bucky’s hands slipped behind you, unfastening your strapless bra and dropping it beside the bed.

You moaned as he lowered his head, the stubble on his cheeks scratching your skin as he kissed and nipped at your breasts. He leaned back and you reached down, pushing at his sweatpants until he leaned back and pushed them off. He sat on the side of the bed and opened the drawer on the bedside table, chuckling when you draped yourself against his back, looping your arms over his shoulders and kissing his cheek. He turned his head and you kissed his lips, carding your fingers through his soft hair. After a few long kisses, you moved to lay back against the pillows, watching his back as he slid the condom on, then moved to hover over you.

When his eyes met yours, your breath caught in your throat. His eyes had always been so blue, shifting from the warmest cobalt to an intense ocean, depending on his mood. They were a dark blue now, focused solely on you.  

He leaned down to kiss you, keeping those eyes open as he pressed his lips to yours. He swallowed the gasp you gave as he began to push inside you, both of you groaning as he bottomed out.

Your heart was pounding in your chest as he continued to stare into your eyes, and you felt like you could barely breathe. He reached over, taking hold of your arm and lifting it beside your head, linking his fingers with yours.

You squeezed your eyes shut at the sudden onslaught of tears that welled up, releasing a shuddering breath as Bucky began moving his hips. He muttered a curse under his breath, bending to bury his head at your neck. You felt the scratch of his stubble and the warmth of his breath, moaning as his lips pressed kisses to your skin.

You moved your hand to grasp a handful of his hair, feeling his rhythm falter when you gave a gentle tug. He pulled you closer and you bit your lip to keep from crying out as he assaulted your senses in the best way. He reached down and took hold of one of your legs, pushing it up just a bit, making your eyes roll back in your head when he thrust harder.

You pulled your hand from his, wrapping your arms around him as tightly as you could, moaning his name. He lifted his head and met your lips with his own, kissing you fiercely as his hips never faltered. You shook your head and he nodded, pressing his lips to yours, hitting that spot deep inside you that caused fireworks to shoot off behind your eyes. You were vaguely aware of Bucky’s drawn-out groan of your name as he came almost simultaneously with you, his hand searching until his fingers linked with yours.

* * *

You sat on the edge of the bed, trying to ignore the way your mind was racing. “ **THIS WAS A BAD IDEA** ” seemed to be rolling through your head like a news ticker, and you closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. You glanced behind you, a smile coming to your face when Bucky murmured in his sleep and rolled onto his stomach, arms wrapping around his pillow.

You sighed, standing up and gathering your clothes, slipping them on as silently as you could. You noticed how the candles were burnt out now, and you sighed again before you walked back to the bed and gently touched the top of Bucky’s head, leaning down and feather-lightly kissing his cheek. He shifted just a bit, snuggling deeper into his pillow, and you slowly backed out of the room.

He always kept the bedroom door open when he was asleep, so you didn’t bother trying to shut it. You found your heels by the front door, but didn’t bother putting them on. You saw the stack of mail on the counter and when you picked up one of the letters and saw your name on it, you swallowed hard. Your name was on every letter in the stack, and you closed your eyes before you gathered the pile and slid it into your purse.

You walked back to the bathroom and found the tube of toothpaste that you’d left behind a year ago. You’d never use it now, but you couldn’t find the strength to throw it away. Bucky hadn’t. For an entire year, he’d stared at this one little thing of yours that you’d left behind when you left him.

You bit your lip, trying to hold back the sudden rush of tears. It was for the best, remember? You and Bucky aren’t good for each other. Fire and gasoline, that’s what your mom had called the two of you.

You straightened your shoulders and pulled out your dying phone. You managed to track down an Uber, sitting on Bucky’s couch to slide your shoes on. You glanced at the coffee table, hand falling from your heel to your side when you saw what was lying there.

_Zeppelin III_.

Not the CD, because that stayed in the player in your apartment, even if you barely listened to it.

But the case.

You glanced back towards Bucky’s bedroom, closing your eyes and sighing. You put your head in your hands and let out a long sigh, pushing your fingers through your tangled hair.

* * *

Bucky woke up with a pounding head, groaning as he pushed his face into his pillow. If he smothered himself, he wouldn’t have to deal with the hangover, right?

He lifted his head, blinking his eyes open, slowly looking around the room.

He was alone.

He rolled into his back and pushed his hands through his hair, rubbing one palm along his unshaven jaw. He sighed, staring up at the ceiling before shaking his head and cursing under his breath. He crawled out of bed and slid his sweatpants back on, scratching his chest as he walked to the kitchen, in search of coffee.

And maybe his dignity.

He didn’t know why he felt so cheap. He was no stranger to one night stands.

But that hadn’t been just a one night stand.

It was Y/N, and she was …

Bucky slammed the coffee into the maker, pouring the water in a little more forcefully than usual, shoving the pot in its place.

She was  _nothing_. She’d turned into nothing the moment she walked out his door a year ago.

Bucky leaned over the counter, propping his elbows up and putting his face in his hands, groaning loudly.

She wasn’t nothing. She never would be. He shouldn’t have called her, but …

He lifted his head and looked out the window as the smell of coffee began to fill the kitchen.

He didn’t regret it. Even when they fought like it was their goddamn job, he didn’t regret being with her. He’d loved her, and that had scared him, and he’d pushed her until she broke. He’d suffered for an entire fucking year, and last night, he finally gave in.

He just hadn’t expected her to give in, too.

Bucky stood up and walked to the cabinet, pulling out a mug and filling it with the fresh coffee. He started to make his way to the living room, but stopped at the edge of the kitchen counter.

The stack of her mail was gone.

Bucky swallowed, closing his eyes. He had to keep himself from running to the bathroom, to see if she’d taken her fucking toothpaste, and how goddamn pathetic was that? He huffed out a breath and walked to the living room, pushing a hand through his hair again as he sat on the couch. He took a sip of the coffee, wincing at the bitter taste and the burn, going still when he looked at the coffee table.

The CD case was still there.

He frowned as he leaned forward, picking up the case and tapping it against his palm. She knew it was here, knew it was one of the things he’d made up as an excuse for her to come over. She’d taken the other two things, why hadn’t she taken this, too? He looked at the song list on the back, then flipped it over, a smile coming over his face.

A red lip print was positioned directly in the middle of the case.

Bucky lifted a hand to absentmindedly rub at his lips, smiling when he set the case back down. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch, glancing back at the one thing you’d left, which gave him another excuse to call you and have you swing back by.


	2. Best Laid Plans

You tapped your nails on the steering wheel of your car, glancing out over the parking lot. You pressed your lips together and closed your eyes, huffing out a breath as you picked up your cell phone. You dialed a number and pushed your hand through your hair, letting out a breath of relief when voicemail picked up. You cleared your throat, speaking softly when the message prompted you.

“Hey, it’s uh … it’s me. I don’t know why I’m calling. I …”

You sighed, sitting back in your seat, a smile coming over your face. 

“It was good to see you.”

You smacked your palm against your forehead, letting out a quiet laugh. 

“I’m just going to hang up now, before I make an even bigger fool of myself. Take care, Bucky.”

You hung up the phone and let out a long groan, bending forward and resting your head on the steering wheel. You straightened when your phone chimed with your text tone, and your cheeks burned as you read the message. 

 _It was good to see you, too. Call me later?_  

You blinked, staring at the winking face emoji at the end of the text. You swallowed, shaking your head as a smile danced over your lips. You slid the phone into your purse, glancing out the window and climbing out of the car when you saw the flash of red hair blowing in the breeze.

Natasha smiled and waved a hand at you as you walked across the parking lot, and the two of you laughed as you embraced. You pulled back and held Natasha at arms’ length, shaking your head.

“Look how gorgeous you are!”

She rolled her eyes, lifting a hand to fluff her cherry-red hair. She looked to you again and smiled, shrugging a shoulder.

“What can I say? Portofino was incredible.”

You gave a dreamy sigh and she laughed, pushing at your shoulder.

“Come on, let’s get a table. I’m starving.”

You followed her inside, the hostess walking the two of you to your favorite table. You both sat and took a sip from your water glasses, and after a second, you pushed the menu aside to lean your elbows on the table.

“So how is married life?”

Natasha smiled.

“It’s so great. I mean, I know we’re still in the honeymoon phase, but it’s amazing. Clint’s amazing. I’m so happy.”

Your grin was so wide your cheeks were hurting.

“I’m so happy for you.”

Natasha looked down at her left hand, where a large diamond ring sparkled. You sighed as you stared at it with her, and she shook her head, waving her hands.

“Enough about me. Let’s talk about you. Anything new happen in the two weeks I was gone?”

You glanced at the table, shifting in your seat, biting your tongue when you could feel the burn between your thighs that Bucky’s stubble had left behind. You shook your head, lifting your eyes to Natasha’s and smiling.

“Same old, same old.”

Natasha smiled. The waitress walked up then, and the two of you gave her your orders. Once she’d taken the menus and walked away, Natasha leaned over the table.

“You suck at lying. Who is he?”

Your cheeks flushed, and Natasha laughed under her breath. She tapped her nails on the table and you licked your lips.

“Nobody?”  
“Y/N. Come on.”

You sighed, pushing your hands through your hair. You flicked your eyes over to meet hers, and Natasha raised one perfectly manicured eyebrow. You rolled your eyes and sighed again, narrowing your eyes as you looked out the window, purposefully not looking at your best friend.

“Promise you won’t freak out.”  
“Yeah, that’s a promise we both know I can’t keep.”

You bit your bottom lip and Natasha huffed out a breath.

“Why are you acting like this? Is it that big of a deal? I mean, he’s not a serial killer, is he? Or—“

She sucked in a breath and you met her wide eyes. She shook her head.

“No.”

You raised your eyebrows and Natasha leaned forward, all but spitting out the words.

“You’re not back with Bucky, are you?”  
“I wouldn’t say we were back together.”

Natasha surged forward, fire in her eyes, settling back in her seat when the waitress returned with your salads. You smiled and nodded your thanks at her, picking up your fork and glancing across the table to see Natasha with her arms crossed over her chest, staring daggers at you. You sighed, setting your fork down.

“Come on, Nat. Is it really that bad?”  
“Have you completely forgotten what happened a year ago? How you practically moved in and slept on my couch for weeks? Clint confiscating your phone and keeping you stocked with Cherry Garcia ice cream and Kleenex? Do you remember keeping our ‘recently viewed’ on Netflix full of shit like  _Terms of Endearment_  and  _Steel Magnolias_? Just mentioning Shirley MacLaine now makes Clint tear up.”

You smiled as you glanced down at your plate and Natasha sighed.

“He’s no good for you, baby.”  
“I know that. Don’t you think I know that? If he didn’t drive me so goddamn insane I’d still be with him.”  
“Well—“  
“Don’t.”

You picked up your fork and stabbed a leaf of spinach. Natasha sighed, picking up her own fork and spearing a bite. The two of you chewed in silence for a moment, until she spoke up again.

“How did it happen?”

You shrugged your shoulders. After a petulant moment, you sighed.

“I saw him at the wedding.”

Natasha nodded.

“We knew he’d be there.”

You nodded.

“He looked … different. You saw him, didn’t you?”

Natasha smiled.

“I did. His hair’s gotten long. But he can pull it off. Clint, bless him, could not.”

You snorted, smiling as you looked down at your plate.

“I don’t know exactly. We stared at each other for a while, but I never went to talk to him. Too busy with maid of honor bullshit.”

Natasha kicked you under the table and you laughed.

“And then a few days ago made a year since I moved out. I went downtown to … celebrate or drown my sorrows or whatever, and he called me. One thing led to another, and …”  
“You woke up in his bed?”

Your cheeks flushed as you stuffed a bite into your mouth. Natasha chuckled under her breath, shaking her head.

“Y/N…”  
“I have a mom, Natasha. You don’t have to say anything.”

She sighed, shaking her head again.

“I’m not trying to mother you here. Just … I saw it, okay? I was there. I was the one you called when you left. It broke your heart in a big way. And now you’re just going to dive right back in?”  
“No, this time it’s different.”  
“How?”

You pushed your empty plate away.

“This time I  _know_  how bad we are for each other. This time, I’m not going to get all caught up in my feelings or whatever.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows.

“So you’re …”  
“Sex. Just sex.”

Her eyebrows somehow raised higher.

“Oh.”  
“Bucky and I are good at two things: fighting and …”

You glanced around, leaning forward and whispering.

“Fucking.”  
“Y/N!”

You giggled, and Natasha leaned forward to hit your arm, giggling herself when she leaned back in her chair. You shrugged your shoulders.

“If I go into this with both eyes open, then I’m not setting myself up for heartbreak. When it gets to be too much or we get too close, then we’ll stop.”

Natasha slowly nodded.

“It’s cute, the way you think you’ve got this all figured out.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Just because you and Clint fell into the ‘friends to lovers’ trope doesn’t mean the rest of us will. I am immune.”

Natasha nodded, sitting back and crossing her legs.

“Well, we will see, won’t we?”

* * *

“Oh, look at you. So handsome, huh? Hang on, hang on. Give me just a second here. There we go. Good boy.”

Steve rolled his eyes as he stepped into the room, shaking his head when he saw the German Shepherd puppy on the table, lifting one paw to lay it in Bucky’s hand.

“You know, I used to wonder if you made the right choice in the professional department.”

Bucky switched hands, laughing when the puppy repeated the task. He glanced up, lifting his chin.

“Yeah? And?”  
“And I see that you chose wisely. You and your patients? Same IQ level.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, laughing when the puppy growled at Steve.

“Good boy, Cap. Good boy!”

The puppy leaned into Bucky as he scratched his hands along the dog’s back. He nodded to Steve.

“This one’s good to go. A little underweight, but nothing too serious. He’s smart, too. Good judge of character.”

Steve rolled his eyes, walking forward and holding out a hand. The puppy sniffed it, then bumped it with his head, tongue lolling out of his mouth when Steve started to pet him. Bucky shook his head.

“I think he’ll be shit as a guard dog, though.”

Steve laughed, scooping the puppy up and carrying him into the next room. Bucky washed his hands, drying them on a paper towel before he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He unlocked it and tried not to focus on how he had zero new messages, clicking on the Facebook app before closing it almost as quickly.

“Expecting an important call?”  
“Hmm?”

Bucky glanced up as he slid his phone into his pocket, seeing Steve standing there in his dark blue scrubs. He had his massive arms crossed over his chest, a smirk on his face. Bucky shook his head and Steve shrugged his shoulders.

“You’ve been glancing at your phone all day.”  
“Maybe I’m trying to check the time.”  
“Then look at your watch, dumbass.”

Bucky glanced at his wrist and cursed under his breath. He pushed his hands through his hair and Steve stepped aside, following Bucky down to his office. Steve lowered his muscled body into one of the chairs across from the desk, and Bucky sat in his chair, sliding down and stretching his legs out. Bucky glared at Steve as he spoke.

“Can I get a moment of peace, please?”  
“Not in the past thirty years when it comes to me. It’s my job to annoy the piss out of you.”  
“Well, you do a damn fine job of that.”

Steve laughed, then leaned forward.

“Come on, Buck. What’s up?”  
“Nothing’s up.”  
“Again, let me bring up the past thirty years and how I know literally every single thing about you. I know when something is up with you, and my spidey sense has been tingling all day.”

Bucky let his head fall back and groaned. He lifted a hand and rubbed at his face, then let out a sigh.

“You can’t tell anyone.”  
“My lips are sealed.”  
“Promise me, Steve. You’re worse than a woman when it comes to gossiping.”  
“Hey!”

Bucky grinned, lolling his head to the side.

“You know it’s true.”

Steve mumbled under his breath, sitting back and crossing his arms over his wide chest. Bucky chuckled to himself, then sighed.

“I did something.”  
“Some _thing_  or some _one_?”  
“Shut up, asshole.”  
“Someone, then. Continue.”

Bucky huffed out a breath, staring up at the ceiling.

“I called Y/N the other night.”  
“I’m sorry, you did what?”  
“Yeah. And that’s not even the best part.”

Steve just sat there and blinked, and Bucky moved his feet along the floor, rolling himself to face Steve. He didn’t say anything, but Steve sighed.

“She came over, didn’t she?”

Bucky pursed his lips, then nodded. Steve groaned, pushing himself to his feet.

“Are you fucking _kidding me_? Have you lost every ounce of rational thinking?”   
“I was drunk.”  
“Please. Like that’s an excuse.”  
“It had been a year since she moved out and we were both commiserating. One thing—“  
“Christ, don’t give me the ‘one thing lead to another’ bullshit. Jesus, Buck.”

Bucky sighed, sitting up in his chair and rubbing his hands over his face.

“I miss her, Steve.”  
“Buck…”  
“No, I … I know. I know how bad we were for each other and how destructive we turned. I know it all, but …”

Bucky shook his head and sighed.

“You still love her.”

The side of Bucky’s mouth quirked up at Steve’s soft statement.

“I never stopped.”

Steve nodded, walking to the window and glancing out of it.

“I know the feeling.”

Bucky licked his lips, watching his friend as Steve took a moment to pull himself back together. Steve gave a ragged exhale, then glanced back to Bucky, shaking his head. He didn’t have to say the words; Bucky heard it anyway.

_Please don’t ask about her. Please don’t say her name._

Bucky cleared his throat.

“I made up a bullshit excuse. Told her I had some mail for her, a few other things. She came over and …”  
“Spare me the details.”

Bucky laughed softly, then exhaled.

“She was gone before I woke up.”  
“But …?”  
“But … I don’t know. I don’t feel like that was a one-time thing.”  
“You really think it’s a good idea to open that door again?”  
“You been around me today?”

Steve closed his eyes and made a face.

“You have been rather pleasant.”

Bucky laughed.

“It’ll be different this time.”  
“What makes you so sure?”

Bucky swallowed, then shrugged his shoulders.

“I’ll be different this time.”

He glanced towards the window.

“I know the majority of our issues last time was with me, and now I know what I’ve been missing out on.”

Steve gave a disgusted noise, and Bucky laughed again. After a moment, Steve sighed.

“Well, if I know one thing, it’s that you’re a stubborn jackass, so I won’t try to stop you.”  
“Thanks, princess.”  
“Just don’t fuck it up this time.”

Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Want me to pinky swear?”  
“If you want my pinky attached to my fist in your face, go ahead.”

They both laughed, and Steve shook his head as he walked out of the room.

* * *

You sat in your car in the parking lot of the mall, chewing on the inside of your cheek. It was barely twilight, and you didn’t really feel like going home to an empty apartment. You exhaled, making irritated noises to no one but yourself, and you finally reached over and picked up your phone.

He answered on the first ring.

_“Hey, you.”_

You couldn’t help the smile.

“Hey, Buck.”  
 _“I was wondering if you would call. After that message I got this morning…”_

You closed your eyes as your smile widened.

“Shut up.”

His rich laugh filled the line and you felt an ache in the pit of your stomach.

_“You okay, doll?”_

You swallowed.

“Are you busy?”  
 _“Hell no.”_

You bit your bottom lip and after a moment of silence, he spoke.

 _“You want to come over?”_  
“Yeah.”  
 _“Door’s unlocked.”_  
“Are you hungry? I could grab us something.”  
 _“Yeah, if you want to, that’d be great.”_    
“Any requests?”

He was quiet for a moment, before his soft voice filled the line again.

_“You know what I like.”_

You swallowed again, closing your eyes.

“Bucky—“

You didn’t know what to say.  _“Tell me this isn’t a bad idea”_  kept rolling through your mind, but your mouth wouldn’t form the words.

_“I’m looking forward to seeing you again, doll.”_

And just like that, he settled your nerves. You took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“Give me half an hour or so.”  
 _“Take your time.”_  
“See you soon, Buck.”

You hung up the phone, leaning back in your seat and breathing deeply again.

* * *

Bucky held a beer between two fingers, letting the bottle dangle and tap against his legs as he walked through the house. He’d never changed after he got home from work, so he was still wearing his jeans and royal blue scrub top. He had taken his shoes off, but left his socks on.

He sat on the couch, fighting with himself, doing his best to keep from jumping up to stare out the window and watch for you. He’d been surprised that you’d called, and could tell by your voice that something was up. Now, he was trying to keep himself calm, to try not and freak out about what that may be.

He glanced towards the window when headlights danced through the pane, and he swallowed when the car pulled into his driveway. He set the beer on the coffee table in front of him, close to the Led Zeppelin CD case, and stood to his feet. He waited a few moments, then opened the door, listening to your soft laugh as you walked up the front porch steps.

“You scared me. I thought I was going to have to knock.”  
“I figured you might have your hands full.”

You did, with a large pizza box and a smaller box on top of it. He made a move for it, but you shook your head. He stepped aside and followed you to the kitchen, where you set the boxes on the counter. Bucky tucked his hair behind his ear and smiled.

“I was wondering if—“

He couldn’t finish the sentence, because your arms were around him and your mouth pressed to his. He groaned as he reached up and tugged out your ponytail, listening to you gasp as he buried his fingers in your hair. He moved a hand to rest at your throat, kissing down your face until his lips were sucking a mark on your neck.

“I didn’t mean to … _god_ , Bucky. Right there.”

He chuckled, smiling at the way you shivered with every rasp of his beard against your skin. He gently bit the place where your shoulder meets your neck and your knees buckled. He slipped an arm around your waist, holding you close to him, keeping you upright. He leaned back, staring at you, waiting until your dazed eyes met his.

“If I remember correctly, cold pizza is one of your favorite things.”

You visibly swallowed, nodding your head, wrapping your arms around his neck as he lifted you, carrying you into his bedroom.

* * *

Bucky stood at the kitchen sink in a pair of sweatpants, chewing a bite of cold pizza. He’d left you asleep in his bed, curled up under the covers. He finished off the slice and turned to grab another from the box, going still when he saw you standing there in one of his shirts, rubbing your eyes. He smiled, putting his hands on the counter.

“I didn’t want to wake you.”

You waved a hand at him, yawning as you walked over and sat on one of the barstools. You picked up a piece of pizza and took the napkin Bucky handed you. He grabbed himself a slice and the two of you ate in silence for a moment, until you spoke.

“We need to talk.”

Bucky pursed his lips and nodded.

“That’s never good.”  
“It’s not bad.”  
“This time.”

You sighed, taking another bite and chewing it slowly.

“What are we doing here, Buck?”

He grinned.

“If you have to ask, maybe I need to show you again.”

He reached across the counter and you smacked his hand away, both of you laughing.

“I’m serious!”  
“So am I.”

He winked at you, and you sighed.

“I just … I think if we’re going to do this, we need to … set some ground rules.”  
“Rules.”

You nodded, and he crossed his arms over his chest. You blinked, momentarily distracted by the way the muscles in his arms twitched and bulged as he moved. You shook your head slightly, meeting his eyes. He shrugged his shoulders.

“What sort of rules?”

You wiped your mouth with your napkin and crossed your legs.

“First of all, let’s just establish this for what it is.”  
“And what is it?”  
“Sex.”

Bucky blinked, and you went on.

“A no strings attached, friends with benefits situation.”

Bucky slowly nodded.

“Friends.”  
“With benefits. We’ve tried the relationship thing and we sucked at it. This way, we know what we’re doing. If we go into this expecting nothing more than sex, we won’t get hurt.”  
“You’re sure about that?”

Bucky walked to the refrigerator so he’d have something to do with his hands, something other than pulling his own hair out.

“You can’t tell me you want a relationship or something.”

Bucky closed his eyes, hanging his head behind the refrigerator door, where you couldn’t see him. He cleared his throat, pulling out a bottle of beer before he leaned around to meet your eyes.

“Thirsty?”  
“Water?”

He nodded, grabbing you a bottle of water as he walked back to where he’d been standing, across the counter from you. He twisted the top off his beer, tossing it onto the counter.

“So let me get this straight. You want to use me for sex, and that’s the end of the sentence?”  
“I don’t want to  _use_  you.”  
“What else can you call it, Y/N?”  
“I knew this was a bad idea.”

You stood up, shaking your head as you started back towards the bedroom, and he licked his lips, hurrying around the counter and grabbing hold of your elbow.

“Wait.”

You sighed as you turned back to face him, his blue eyes almost sad as he looked at you. You felt something twist in your heart as he glanced down, and he blinked before his eyes met yours again.

“Tell me the rules.”

You swallowed, speaking softly.

“No sleepovers. We’re not dating, so nothing mushy or romantic.”  
“Just ‘wham, bam, thank you ma'am?’”

You swallowed again and he sighed. He let go of your arm, but took hold of your waist, turning you to face him and pulling you a bit closer.

“What would be so wrong if you slept over?”  
“I don’t want us to get the wrong idea.”  
“Of what, baby?”  
“That there’s an ‘us’ again. And that. You can’t call me ‘baby.’ You can’t treat me like I’m your girlfriend.”  
“Because we’ve already made that mistake?”

You couldn’t hide the hurt on your face. Bucky huffed out a breath.

“Don’t look at me like that. If I can’t call you ‘baby,’ then you can’t look at me like that.”

You leaned forward, resting your head on his chest. Bucky let his head fall back on his shoulders, one hand coming up to gently rub your back.

“Why is this so hard?”

Bucky smiled at your statement, quiet since your forehead was pressed against his bare chest, right over his heart. He swallowed, shrugging his shoulders.

“It doesn’t have to be.”

You lifted your head, looking up at him, and he smiled as he brushed a piece of hair away from your face.

“Why do we have to make rules and shit? We’re adults. We can do what we want.”

You nodded.

“And what is it that you want?”

He bit his tongue, thinking that the “ _You_ ” he wanted to say might be too much at the moment. He didn’t want to scare you away when you were already a hair trigger from running.

“Let’s just have fun with each other —whatever that may entail— and see what happens.”

You nodded slowly, meeting his eyes.

“But no strings. If you want to date someone, then I’m not going to stand in your way.”

Bucky clenched his teeth, then nodded.

“Same here.”  
“You can’t be all possessive.”  
“I thought you liked it when I was possessive.”

You rolled your eyes, but smiled.

“At times. But if we’re not together—“  
“Yeah, I get it.”

You nodded, letting out a shaky breath. Bucky moved a hand to lift your chin, and you met his eyes.

“I don’t care what time it is, what day it is. If you need me, call. Or come over, I don’t care.”  
“Bucky—“  
“I mean it, Y/N. If it’s the middle of the night and you wake up scared ‘cause it’s raining, call me and I’ll come to you.”

You shook your head, tears welling up in your eyes.

“I’m not asking you to do that.”  
“I know. I’m offering. No, I’m telling you, don’t suffer through anything alone. You don’t have to anymore.”

You closed your eyes and he pulled you into his arms, one big hand resting at the back of your head, holding you to him. You wrapped your arms around him, fingers digging into the muscles of his back for just a moment before you relaxed. After a moment, his quiet voice rumbled between you.

“I don’t want you to leave here late at night. Stay. I’ll sleep on the couch if you want me to.”  
“I don’t want you to.”

He smiled, stroking your hair, and you sighed.

“I’ve got work in the morning. I was off today, but I’ve got to go in tomorrow.”  
“Yeah, same here.”

You smiled, stepping back from his arms.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this on school nights.”

Bucky chuckled, lifting a shoulder.

“Maybe you can leave early in the morning?”

You smiled, and he stepped in closer, dipping his head, lips brushing over yours as he spoke softly.

“We can have cold pizza for breakfast.”

You laughed, wrapping your arms around him, kissing him fully, letting it go a bit deeper than you’d planned. When Bucky moved to kiss your neck again, making you shiver with the scratch of his beard against your skin, you spoke.

“If I … oh, right there. Hmm … if I have to get up early … you’re coming to my place next time.”

With one final kiss, Bucky lifted his head, meeting your eyes with a smile.

“You got yourself a deal.”


	3. Manhattan Straight Up

The club was almost full tonight, and you made your way through the crowd, smiling when you saw Natasha. She waved a hand, and you made your way to her. You leaned down and she kissed your cheek, motioning to the seat near her.

“I sent Clint to the bar already. Hope you want your usual, because that’s what I ordered for you.”

You smiled, laying your purse on the table and sitting down. You leaned back in the chair and let out a groan, and Natasha grimaced.

“Bad day?”

You straightened and shook your head.

“Just long. Meeting after meeting. I was bored out of my mind.”  
“Well, let’s make up for a shitty day, shall we? To start off, here’s my groom.”

You rolled your eyes, but smiled when Clint set the drinks down, taking Natasha’s face in his hands as he kissed her. They shared a smile, and he turned to you.

“Hey, Y/N.”  
“Hey, Mr. Barton. Long time no see.”

He shrugged a shoulder, smiling when he leaned over the table to kiss your forehead.

“Manhattan, straight up?”

You nodded, taking the glass from him. He leaned and whispered in Natasha’s ear as he passed her drink to her. She blushed and you raised an eyebrow. Making Natasha blush was hard to do, so you could just imagine what Clint had said.

In fact, you really didn’t want to imagine, so you took a sip of your drink.

“Wow, that’s strong.”

You winced, and Clint raised his highball glass towards you.

“Cheers.”

You shook your head and smiled, clinking your glass to his and taking another sip. You glanced over the club, seeing the crowd on the dance floor, a smile coming over your face.

“You wanna dance?”

You smiled back at Clint.

“Ask me again after a couple more of these.”  
“A couple? Ask her when she’s finished with that one.”

You glared at Natasha as she mouthed  _lightweight_ to you. You rolled your eyes, but smiled and took another sip. You saw Clint lean closer to Natasha out of the corner of your eye, taking another small sip of your drink when Natasha cleared her throat and leaned forward.

“Y/N, you remember what you told me the other day?”

You lifted an eyebrow, then gave a pointed look to Clint. He glanced away from you, and Natasha waved a hand towards him.

“We’re married. We have no secrets.”

You groaned, putting your face in your hand.

“No judgment here, sweetheart.”

You nodded with your head still in your hand and Clint chuckled as he reached over to pat your back. Natasha cleared her throat again.

“Anyway, our little talk just reminded me how long it’s been since—“

You popped your head up.

“You didn’t.”  
“I haven’t seen Steve since the wedding.”  
“And as much as we’d like to play sides, Barnes was our friend, too.”

You glared at Clint, until he held up his hands, walking back from the table and heading back to the bar. You shook your head as you looked back to Natasha.

“He and I are barely speaking—“  
“Outside of the bed, you mean?”  
“And you think it’s a good idea to invite him to hang out with us?”  
“First of all, preteen Y/N, adults don’t ‘ _hang out_.’”  
“Then what the fuck are we doing here, Nat?”  
“Socializing.”

You rolled your eyes, picking up your glass and throwing it back. Natasha’s eyes were wide when you looked back to her, teeth clenched as you hissed out a breath.

“Feel better?”  
“Not really.”  
“Look, if it’s really that bad, we can go.”  
“I’ll be fine.”  
“Y/N—“  
“Nat, seriously. He and I are fuck buddies. Surely we can hang— sorry, socialize like adults, right?”

She shrugged, picking up her glass and taking a sip. You sighed, pushing a hand through your hair. Natasha’s lips curled in a smile as she stood up, a second before she was enveloped in a pair of huge, muscular arms.

“Easy there. That’s my wife you’re manhandling.”

The small crowd that had gathered at your table laughed. Steve let Natasha go, then leaned to wrap Clint in a hug. He looked at you, baby blue eyes locking onto yours, and you had to blink back tears. He slowly stepped to you, reaching out and taking one of your hands.

“Damn, Y/N. You are a sight for sore eyes.”

You nodded, and he gave your hand a tug, pulling you forward, letting you bury your face in his wide chest, wrapping those arms around you, enclosing you in the safest place you’d ever known. Steve would die before he let anything happen to you, or any of his friends. He might have been Bucky’s best friend, but he adored you.

You leaned back from the hug—because Steve had told you when you met him that he would never be the one to end the hugs— and smiled up at him. He shrugged a massive shoulder and you shook your head. You lifted a hand to touch his face, and he closed his eyes as he leaned into your touch.

“I missed you.”  
“I missed you too, Y/N. It’s good to see you.”  
“Right back at you.”  
“Oh, just date already.”

You and Steve laughed, and you leaned over to smack Natasha’s arm. She giggled, leaning into Clint, who had his arms wrapped around her from behind. A throat was cleared, and Steve rolled his eyes. He took a step to the side and motioned back with his head.

“Y/N, this is Sam Wilson.” 

Sam stepped forward and held out a hand. You set your hand in his, laughing when he brought your hand to his lips and kissed it, instead of the handshake you were expecting. He winked at you and you tugged your hand away from him with another laugh. Clint coughed, and Steve rolled his eyes again before he motioned behind him.

“Sam, these are the Bartons, Clint and Natasha.”

You glanced at Natasha and made a face.

“Aw, you’re the Bartons!”

“Shut up.”

You laughed, sitting back in your chair across from Natasha. She shook her head as she sipped from her drink, and you lifted your glass, making a face and setting it and all its emptiness back down. Sam nodded to you, motioning to your glass.

“Can I get you another?”

You smiled, nodding. You told him what your drink was, giggling when his eyes widened and eyebrows raised. Sam nodded again, turning away from the table and walking towards the bar.

You let out a slow breath, lifting a hand to press against your stomach. You shook your head, glancing up, catching Natasha as she glanced away from you. You smiled and closed your eyes when Steve sidled up behind you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. You leaned over, resting your head on his shoulder and he sighed. You could almost hear Natasha’s eyeroll.

You and Steve had never been romantically interested in each other. Sure, he was gorgeous, but he was your friend. One of your best friends, and nothing more. However, you and he were more touchy-feely with each other than two friends usually were. Natasha was always picking at the two of you, that you should just go ahead and get married because you loved each other so much, but you often joked back that was the reason you couldn’t marry him.

You glanced up when Steve murmured under his breath, just loud enough for you to hear.

“Buck’s on his way.”

You sighed, nodding against his shoulder. He glanced down at you and you wrinkled your nose as you smiled. He let out a quiet laugh, and you straightened, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. You glanced over to see Natasha with her forehead pressed against Clint’s, both of them murmuring softly to each other. Steve gently pinched your arm and you looked up, meeting his bright eyes.

“How have you been?”

You sighed, shrugging your shoulders.

“Okay, I guess. I assume Bucky’s told you…?”

Steve nodded, and you sighed again.

“I figured.”  
“Hey, I think it’s great.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, maybe not ‘great.’”

You laughed, and Steve smiled.

“You two are good together.”  
“We’re awful for each other.”  
“Not completely.”

You rolled your eyes, laughing when Steve pinched your side. You met his eyes again and you let out a quiet breath.

“I’m sorry.”  
“For what?”  
“Shutting you out a year ago.”

Steve sighed.

“Y/N, that was a long time ago.”  
“And I feel awful about it.”  
“Well, don’t.”

He leaned closer to you, putting a finger under your chin and pushing up, forcing you to see his smile.

“Just don’t do it again, okay?”

You nodded, and he wrapped you in his arms again, kissing your forehead. You put your face in his wide chest, giving a shaky sigh when his fingers danced up and down your spine. He tapped your shoulder twice and moved away from you, and you glanced towards the door, only to see Bucky come walking in.

“God, he’s gorgeous.”

Steve laughed, trying and failing to cover the sound with a cough. You blinked, looking over to Natasha and seeing her with a smile on her face, shaking her head. You bit your lip, glancing down at your hands.

“Maybe I shouldn’t get another drink.”

Natasha laughed, leaning over and patting your shoulder.

“You’re fine. Everything is just fine.”

You nodded, lifting your head and locking eyes with Bucky. A slow smile spread over his face, and you felt your cheeks warm as you smiled back. You glanced at the table, then back at Bucky, tilting your head when you saw him stop, the smile erased from his face. You went to shake your head, going still when a hand landed on your shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Here you go. Manhattan, straight up.”

You swallowed, then turned just a bit and smiled at Sam.

“Thank you.”

He winked at you, then walked to stand beside Steve. Bucky raised an eyebrow when you glanced back at him, then shook his head, letting out a quiet, hard laugh. He walked up to the table and Natasha squealed, jumping from her chair and into Bucky’s arms. He laughed as he caught her, holding her tightly.

“Hey, Nat.”  
“Shit, Barnes. I forgot how much I liked seeing you.”  
“Yeah, someone’s got to ugly the place up a bit.”

Bucky held Natasha tighter with one arm, using his other to flip Clint off. Clint tossed his head back and laughed, then walked to give Bucky a hug. Bucky set Natasha back on the ground, and she reached to squeeze Steve’s arm. Clint went for the bar and you took a sip of your drink, staring at the table and trying to shake off the heaviness that had settled in your chest.

* * *

 

Two hours and four Manhattans later, you were having a marvelous time. You were laughing at everything Sam said, flirting with him as much as he was with you. Steve stayed close to you, not-so-subtly keeping himself between you and Bucky.

Natasha finally stood up, kissing Clint’s cheek before she grabbed your hand, tugging you onto the dance floor. You laughed, running after her, dutifully ignoring Bucky’s piercing stare as he watched you.

Well … almost ignoring.

* * *

 

“You know …”

Bucky closed his eyes as Clint walked closer to him, a beer bottle dangling from in between his fingers.

“If you grind your teeth just a little bit harder, they might just fall out of your mouth.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, lifting his own bottle to his lips.

“I’m not —“  
“Oh, don’t even. I can hear you from over here.”

Bucky glared at Steve, who shrugged his shoulders and stepped closer, standing at Bucky’s left shoulder, opposite Clint. Bucky sighed, eyes locked on you as you and Natasha danced around.

“What am I supposed to do?”  
“Go dance with her?”

Bucky couldn’t help the smile that came after Steve and Clint spoke in the same voice.

“You don’t think she’s made it clear who she wants to dance with?”

Bucky took another drink, tightening his grip on the bottle. Clint rolled his eyes, turning towards the bar.

“Water. I think everybody needs some water.”

Steve nodded theatrically, and Bucky rolled his eyes as he finished off the beer. He sighed and set the empty bottle on the table, crossing his arms over his chest. He felt a pit in his stomach open up when he saw Sam step onto the dance floor, walking to you and whispering in your ear. You laughed, nodding, turning to take Sam’s hands, laughing again as he twirled you around, then pulled you close. Bucky glanced at his feet, then spoke softly, where only Steve could hear.

“You know she loves to dance?”

Steve raised an eyebrow, lifting the bottle to his lips as he spoke.

“‘S that right?”

Bucky nodded.

“In places like this, the galas her parents throw. In the kitchen while she’s baking something. Christmastime, especially. And I … I didn’t dance with her. Told her it was stupid. I watched the light go out of her eyes as she ducked her head and walked away from me.”

Bucky shook his head.

“How … how could I do that? How could I be such a … colossal asshole?”

Steve took a sip of his beer, holding it in his mouth a moment before he swallowed it.

“You don’t have to be an asshole anymore. That’s in the past. Prove to her that you’ve changed.”

Bucky blew out a breath, pushing a hand through his hair. Clint walked up, setting bottles of water on the table, tossing one to Bucky. He caught it, unscrewing the lid and taking a long gulp. He twisted the cap back on, smiling when you walked up, reaching between him and Steve and grabbing a bottle of water. You looked up and met his eyes, smiling as you spoke.

“What are you looking at?”

Bucky grinned, leaning in closer.

“You.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Maybe you should look at something different.”  
“Oh, yeah? Like what?”

You shrugged your shoulders.

“I don’t know. Maybe someone in your league.”

Steve laid a hand to his chest, a combination cough/laugh escaping his throat as he stepped away. Bucky pursed his lips, still unable to stop smiling.

“Is that a challenge?”

You shrugged your shoulders, moving closer to him.

“Why not?”  
“You want me to find a chick and dance with her?”  
“Go for it. If that’s what you want to do, go for it.”  
“Don’t try and make this into something  _I_ want to do.”

You rolled your eyes, taking a drink from the bottle of water in your hands.

“All I know is I’m having a great time. You should, too.”

Bucky bit the inside of his cheek, staring at you, watching a bead of sweat roll from your temple down your cheek. You met his eyes again and he nodded.

“Okay then.”  
“Okay.”

You turned and walked back to the dance floor, back to Sam, who held his hands out for you. Bucky clenched his teeth together, not even turning when Steve walked up beside him.

“I had a hunch you might—“

Bucky didn’t even turn to face Steve, just took the shot of whiskey out of his hand and threw it back, hissing through this teeth. Steve pursed his lips as he nodded.

“You’re welcome.”

“She wants me to find a girl and dance with her. She wants me to find a fucking one night stand, I swear. Anything she can do to make me fuck everything up again.”  
“Buck—“  
“If that’s what she wants, I’ll do it. Whatever.”

Bucky stepped onto the dance floor and Steve ran a hand down his face, letting out a deep sigh.

“Here we go.”

* * *

 

Your heart was pounding in your chest, your hair was pulled up away from your face and sweaty neck, the alcohol singing as it flowed through your veins. Natasha had tapped out a while ago, but you couldn’t seem to pull yourself away from the dance floor. The girls on the floor had gathered around you once Nat had gone to rest, and Sam kept his distance, inching in to steal a dance every now and then.

You, of course, hadn’t even noticed when Bucky stepped on the dance floor. Nor had you noticed when a crowd of thirsty bitches had gathered around him because  _hello_. He was gorgeous.

Okay, so maybe you  _had_ noticed.

You gave a soft breath of relief when the song ended, laughing to yourself when a grateful moan rose from the crowd on the dance floor as a slow song began to play.

“May I?”

You smiled, turning and nodding as Sam held out his hands for you. You let him pull you in, resting your head on his shoulder as the two of you swayed to the beat. You glanced across the floor, your heart thudding in your chest at what you saw.

Bucky had a tiny blonde in his massive arms. She had her arms around his neck, the fingers of one hand playing in his hair. He was moving her around in a circle, eyes closed as he leaned his head against hers.

Until he suddenly opened his eyes and that piercing blue locked onto you.

“Whoa, hey. You okay?”

You gasped again for breath, stepping away from Sam. You shook your head, trying to push a smile onto your face.

“I … I just … hot.”

Sam’s forehead crinkled, and you waved a hand.

“I’m hot. I need — need some fresh air.”  
“Oh, well we can go—“  
“No, I’m fine. I just … just need a minute.”

You patted his chest as you walked by him, bypassing the tables altogether and running for the door. You found one that led to the alley behind the club and burst through it, stumbling into the brisk night air and gulping in a breath. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to calm your galloping heart, trying even harder not to let the tears come.

You heard the door and you blinked open your eyes, widening them when you saw Bucky walk towards you. You shook your head, backing up into the wall, staring up at him as he stepped right into your personal space, laying his massive hands on the wall on either side of your head.

“You—“

Your sentence was cut off when his mouth met yours. You moaned, reaching up and tangling your fingers in his silky-smooth hair. He continued to kiss you as you slid your hands down to his chest, feeling his heart thunder beneath your palm until you gave a hard push, breaking the kiss as he stumbled backwards.

“How could you do that?!”

Bucky blinked, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry.”  
“You  _never_ danced with me.”  
“I know. And I’m so sorry for that now.”  
“Now?! You’re sorry  _now_?!”

You shook your head, only then realizing that you were crying. He stepped closer to you, bending his head until his lips met yours again, calloused fingers gently holding your face. You all but melted into his touch, reaching up to card your fingers through his hair again. You held him close, kissing him as hungrily as he was kissing you. You took in a deep breath when he broke his lips from yours, kissing your cheek and down to your neck.

You reached over and laid your hands on either side of his neck, the stubble on his cheeks tickling your fingers as the stubble on his neck rasped against your palms. You closed your eyes, savoring the feeling of his lips against your skin.

“Come home with me.”

You opened your eyes, brain still hazy with the way Bucky was sliding his mouth over your pulse point. He whispered again, making you shiver when his lips danced over your ear.

“Let’s get out of here and let me take you home.”

You whimpered, shaking your head, pushing him gently, until he straightened and stared into your eyes. You gave a shaky exhale, breathing in just as shakily, resting your hands against his wide chest as he stood in front of you, hands braced on either side of your head, pressing against the wall behind you.

“Why did you do it?”  
“What?”  
“Dance with her.”  
“Because you told me to.”

You let your head fall back, shaking it.

“Bucky.”  
“Look at me.”

You did, feeling your heart pound in your chest when you looked into the gorgeous blue of his eyes.

“I wanted to dance with you. But you’re the one who doesn’t want to make a big deal out of us. There is no ‘us,’ remember?”

You felt the tears welling up in your eyes again, and you bit the inside of your lip.

“Right.”  
“But there could be.”

You blinked, and Bucky reached down, taking hold of your hands.

“Give me a chance.”

You shook your head and he gave your hands a squeeze. You tried to pull your hands out of his grip, but he was so strong and you honestly weren’t putting up too much of a fight. Bucky smiled at you, and you shook your head.

“What about the girl?”  
“What girl?”  
“The one you were dancing with.”

Bucky snorted, leaning in closer to you.

“I don’t even remember her name.”

You raised an eyebrow and he shrugged his shoulders.

“I forgot it as soon as I saw you run outside.”  
“Bucky.”  
“I’m serious!”

He laughed, letting go of your hand to reach up and tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear. Your eyes drifted shut as you leaned into his touch and he leaned in, kissing you softly.

“Can I take you home now?”  
“Yes.”  
“And we’ll talk more…?”  
“When we’re more sober.”

Bucky straightened, waiting until you opened your eyes.

“How drunk are you?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Drunk enough that tomorrow is going to suck. Not so drunk that I’m not in control of my faculties.”  
“Ooh, using the big words. You’re fine.”

Bucky laughed as you smacked his arm. He took hold of your hands and pulled you in again, pressing his lips to your forehead, making your heart skip a beat. He looped your arm through his, whistling softly as he led you to where the cabs were waiting.

* * *

 

Clint, who had somehow finagled a drumstick from the bartender’s lost and found box, sat at the table beside his wife. Natasha shook her head, a deep pout on her full lips. Clint pursed his lips, spinning the drumstick between his fingers as he spoke.

“So we don’t know where Barnes and Y/N are?”  
“Oh, we  _know_. We just aren’t thinking about it.”

Clint nodded, glancing towards the dance floor.

“And we’re … what? Just ignoring the fact that Steve’s clearly going home with someone who looks  _exactly_ like—“  
“Yep. Outta sight, outta mind. She’s the queen of that.”

Clint nodded again.

“And Sam is …?”  
“On his own. Life’s hard.”

Clint snorted, setting the drumstick on the table.

“Come, my beautiful bride. Let’s get you home.”  
“I am not drunk.”  
“I know, baby.”  
“I’m not.”  
“Never said you were.”

Natasha nodded, sighing as Clint helped her down from the barstool, keeping his arms around her as they walked out of the club.

 


	4. The Morning After

Bucky walked out of the bedroom, squinting at the sunlight pouring through the windows of the rooms he walked by on his way to the kitchen. He straightened the boxers he’d tugged on and lifted a hand to scratch at his bare chest. He closed his eyes at the sudden brightness of the kitchen, slapping a hand on the wall to turn the light off.

Wait. Why was the light on?

He peeked out of one eye, yawning before he fully opened both his eyes.

“Steve?”

Steve nodded in greeting, shoveling another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. Bucky shook his head.

“What the fuck are you doing here this early?”

Steve smiled as he chewed.

“It’s after ten, Buck.”  
“It’s a Saturday. Anything in double digits is early on a fucking Saturday.”

Steve shook his head, eating another spoonful as Bucky gave a powerful yawn. Steve motioned towards the coffee pot and Bucky whimpered as he walked there, pouring himself a cup. After a few deep gulps, Bucky lifted his head.

“So … what are you doing here again?”

Steve sighed, gently dinging his spoon against the side of his bowl.

“I did something last night.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow, lifting the cup to his lips and speaking over the rim.

“Is this like when we were in the ninth grade and you did something or like the time when we were twenty-two and you did something?”  
“Quite similar to when we were twenty-two. But more you than me, if that tells you anything.”  
“Oh, Christ.”

Steve huffed out a laugh, rubbing a hand over his face as Bucky poured himself another cup of coffee, then walked to sit across from him at the table.

“How bad?”  
“I don’t remember her name. Not real sure I even asked her for it.”

Bucky winced, and Steve set the spoon in his empty bowl and ran both hands over his face. After a moment of silence, Bucky spoke.

“Why did you do it?”  
“Can I plead the fifth?”

Bucky snorted.

“No. This is so unlike you, Steve.”

Steve nodded, holding a hand over his mouth. He shrugged his shoulders and then sat back in the chair, crossing his arms over his massive chest.

“I’d like to blame it on the booze, but … I didn’t drink that much. The truth is … she reminded me of Dizzy.”

Bucky blinked.

“Seriously?”

Steve nodded.

“Her eyes. They weren’t exactly like Dizzy’s, but … close enough, I guess.”

Bucky pressed his lips together, speaking slowly.

“You miss her.”

He didn’t pose it as a question, because it wasn’t one. It was a statement, nothing but the truth. Steve shook his head, pushing back from the table, standing up and pacing the kitchen.

“Why would I miss her? I never know when I’m going to fucking see her. She drops in and out whenever she damn well pleases, doesn’t give a fuck about anybody else but her own damn self. Soon as I start to miss her, she shows back up.”

Bucky pursed his lips, slowly nodding. Steve sighed and sat back down, rubbing his hands over his face and sighing, keeping his hands over his eyes as he spoke.

“Why do I let myself get so worked up when it comes to her?”

Bucky smiled, lifting his coffee cup to his lips.

“Because you love her?”  
“Shut up, Barnes.”

Bucky snorted, finishing his coffee. He stood up and walked to the coffeepot, pouring himself another cup as he spoke.

“Next time Dizzy comes to town, why don’t you take off with her?”

Steve moved his hands to the table.

“Because I’ve got shit to do here.”  
“Hard as this may be for you to hear, the clinic will survive without you for a couple weeks.”

Steve sighed, a small smile on his lips.

“I know.”

Bucky took a drink of coffee and sighed. Steve leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, licking his lips as he changed the subject.

“So I uh… I lost you last night.”

Bucky nodded, turning his back to Steve and drinking from the mug. Steve smiled.

“Night turn out okay?”  
“Yep. Don’t you have a house of your own that you can go to?”

Steve settled back in his chair.

“Yeah, but why go there when I can sit here and make you squirm?”  
“Steven.“  
“That chick you were dancing with, she here?”

Bucky raised his middle finger and Steve let out a laugh.

“That why you trying to get rid of me, Buck?”  
“I’m taking your key privileges.”  
“Then find a better hiding space for your spare.”  
“If you weren’t so goddamn nosy—“

Steve sat up and opened his mouth, closing it again at the noise of someone walking down the hall. Bucky closed his eyes, rubbing a hand over his chin. You stepped into the kitchen and closed one eye, an adorably grumpy look on your face. Steve’s face lit up in a smile.

“Well, well. Good morning, Y/N.”

You glared at him, walking to Bucky and wrapping your arms around his waist. Bucky smiled, looping his arm around you, kissing the top of your head as you laid it against his chest.

“What is he doing here? And why is he here so early?”

Steve laughed.

“It’s after ten!”  
“But it’s Saturday.”

Steve laughed again, and Bucky rubbed his hand up and down your arm.

“I tried to get him to leave, but he’s like a dog with a bone.”  
“I’m just thankful everyone is semi-clothed.”

You snorted, glancing down at the shirt you’d pulled on, the button-up Bucky had worn the night before. You looked up and met Bucky’s eyes, smiling at him as you spoke to Steve.

“You don’t know how lucky you are.”

Steve made a face as Bucky laughed. Steve pushed back from the table, shaking his head as he stood up.

“Since it’s ‘so early,’ I’ll just go ahead and leave.”

You turned your face to Bucky’s chest, closing your eyes and sighing. Steve winked at Bucky, who rolled his eyes, and you lifted a hand to wave goodbye. Steve grabbed his jacket and started to whistle as he walked out, and when he was gone, you picked your head up, going onto your tiptoes and pressing a kiss to Bucky’s lips.

“Good morning.”

You shivered at the sound of his voice, pitched low where only you could hear him. You sighed, and he set his coffee cup down, taking your face in his hands and kissing you again.

“Want some breakfast?”

You made a face, and he smiled.

“How’s your head?”  
“Pounding.”  
“Coffee might help.”

You shook your head, moving closer to him, wrapping your arms around him and tugging him closer to you.

“I think I know what will help.”

Bucky smiled, wrapping his arms around you and holding you.

“What?”  
“Come back to bed with me.”  
“Oh, yeah?”

He smiled, leaning back. You looked up at him and nodded.

“Come back to bed and we’ll sleep it off.”

Bucky laughed, draining his mug, taking your hand and following you back to his bedroom.

 

* * *

 

 

The sun was warm on your skin, shining through the window when you woke up again. You’d slipped Bucky’s shirt off before you climbed back in his bed, but between the sun shining and Bucky pressed against your side, one arm slung over your back, you were close to sweating. You smiled as you snuggled in closer to him, and he grunted, muttering in his sleep as he tightened his hold on you.

“Are you awake?”  
“No.”

You giggled, turning over and scooting closer to him. Bucky groaned, wrapping you up in his arms, burying his head in your hair, lips pressing to your shoulder. You sighed, moving your arms to wrap around him, fingers carding through his hair.

“Are you awake now?”  
“No.”

You laughed again, moving one of your legs and wrapping it around his waist. One of his eyebrows lifted and you pushed at his shoulder, rolling him to his back. He blinked open his eyes, looking up at you as you straddled his waist. You lifted a hand to push through your hair and smiled down at him.

“What about now?”

He smiled.

“Getting there.”

You smiled, bending to lay a hand against his chest and pressing your lips to his. His hands slid into your hair, holding you to him, kissing you deeply. You rolled your hips and Bucky groaned, moving his hands down to your waist, maneuvering you around until he slid into you.

You closed your eyes and your head fell back as you groaned, soaking in the fullness you only felt with Bucky. He pushed his hips up and you gave a shaky gasp, nodding as you moved your hands, linking your fingers through his.

“Buck—“  
“I’ve got you, baby.”

You pressed your lips together and moaned, rolling your hips a few times, swiveling them and smiling as Bucky groaned beneath you.

“You can’t—“  
“I won’t.”

You leaned forward, taking your hands from his and bracing them against his chest, pressing down on him as you rode him. Bucky bit his bottom lip, closing his eyes and fighting the urge that was lighting along his nerves. You gasped as you suddenly surged forward, one hand slipping but easily caught by Bucky’s strong fingers around your wrist. He could feel your pulse thundering beneath his fingertips and you opened your eyes to see him staring up at you.

“Let go.”

You nodded, tossing your head back to get your hair out of your face, jolting forward when Bucky’s hips surged up. You opened your mouth in a silent scream as you came, body trembling and tightening around him. You rolled off of him, burying your face in the pillow, body trembling with aftershocks, shivering hard when you heard the guttural groan Bucky gave beside you as he came.

 

* * *

 

 

Your breathing still wasn’t quite regulated back to normal when Bucky flopped back onto the bed, one hand behind his head, the other reaching out for you. You slid your hand into his, smiling when he lifted your hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to your fingers.

“We need … to make a … a rule.”  
“Oh yeah?”

He looked to you and lifted an eyebrow, and you nodded.

“No glove, no love.”

The words were barely out of your mouth before you were dissolving into giggles, and Bucky groaned as he covered his face with his hand.

“Seriously, babe?”  
“I couldn’t pass it up.”

Bucky shook his head, running his hand down his face before putting it back behind his head. He looked over to you and nodded.

“Good idea.”  
“Thanks. And thank you for—“  
“Yeah, don’t … I don’t like to talk about it.”

You giggled again and Bucky shook his head as he smiled.

“What are you, twelve?”  
“You’re the older one.”  
“Ugh, don’t bring that up.”

You rolled onto your side as he reached down to tug up the covers. He soon followed suit like you knew he would, wrapping an arm around you and pulling your back to his chest. You sighed and he pressed his lips to your shoulder.

“What was Steve doing here?”

Bucky sighed.

“He, uh … just needed to talk.”  
“And his phone is broken?”

Bucky smiled.

“I think we were on his way home.”

Your eyes widened.

“Oh.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Dizzy?”  
“Isn’t it always?”

You sighed and shook your head.

“I wish … I don’t know.”  
“I know what you mean.”

You were still for a minute, then rolled over to face him.

“We’re not like them, are we?”  
“Who? Steve and Dizzy?”

You nodded. Bucky smiled, reaching to brush a piece of hair out of your face.

“No, babe. We’re nothing like them.”  
“We’re not? What are we doing here?”  
“If you have to ask, maybe we should do it again.”

You rolled your eyes, pushing his shoulder.

“I’m serious. We broke up for a year and now look at us.”  
“Yeah, but—“  
“Steve and Dizzy are the ultimate on again/off again couple. Who’s to say we’re not following in their footsteps?”  
“Me. I’m saying it.”  
“Bucky…”

You sighed, rolling to your back. Bucky tossed an arm over you, moving to hover over you.

“This isn’t an on again/off again thing between us.”  
“It was off for a year. Now it’s on.”  
“And I plan on keeping it on for the foreseeable future, if you’ll let me.”

You blinked, and Bucky pushed himself up, sitting in the bed and tugging the covers to pool around his waist. You pulled the sheet up to cover your breasts, tucking it under your arms.

“We’re not like them. Dizzy’s … ”  
“A free spirit.”  
“Yeah, whatever.”

You snorted, a smile on your face. Bucky went on, not looking at you as he spoke.

“Steve’s grounded. He’s got deep roots here. He can’t leave and Dizzy can’t stay.”

You propped your elbow on the bed, putting your head on your hand.

“You and me … I know it sucked there for a while. And I know that’s an understatement. But Y/N …”

He looked at you then.

“The year I spent without you was one of the worst of my life. I know what an asshole I am and what an idiot I was, and I … I’m really trying not to be like that. I want to be good for you. I want to be what you need.”

You blinked back the sudden tears that came to your eyes, then shook your head.

“You’re just determined to make this into something more than just sex, aren’t you?”

Bucky nodded, leaning down and touching the tip of his nose to yours.

“You broke the rules last night. You stayed.”

You nodded, turning your head and letting Bucky kiss your cheek. He moved to your neck and you moved your hand to cup his head, closing your eyes and sighing. Bucky’s hand slid down and took hold of yours and you squeezed your eyes shut, linking your fingers with his and giving his hand a squeeze.

 

* * *

 

 

You swung your legs back and forth where you were sitting on the counter, watching Bucky putter around the kitchen. He’d never bothered to put a shirt on, but he had tugged on a pair of sweatpants. You were wearing one of his white t-shirts, holding the box of cereal that Steve had left out earlier, snacking on pieces you picked out.

“Stop eating all the marshmallows.”  
“If you didn’t buy children’s cereal, I wouldn’t be forced to take such drastic measures to protect your stunning smile.”

Bucky snorted, and you popped another marshmallow into your mouth. He leaned back from the fridge and met your eyes.

“We can do a frozen pizza or sandwiches.”  
“What kind of sandwiches?”

He glanced back into the fridge.

“Cheese and … okay, maybe just cheese. We should probably do the pizza.”

You smiled.

“Haven’t grocery shopped in a while?”  
“I hate it.”

You giggled at Bucky’s whine, and he closed the fridge, then walked over to you. He opened his mouth and you fed him a marshmallow, smiling when he leaned over, resting his head on your shoulder as he chewed. You lifted a hand to scratch at his scalp.

“We can do grilled cheese sandwiches. And maybe we can go to the store tomorrow, since it’s only Saturday.”  
“Yeah?”

You nodded, and Bucky lifted his head. You fed him another marshmallow and he chewed it up, swallowing before he spoke softly.

“Grocery shopping together or you just taking the reins and buying my crap so I don’t have to?”

You sighed.

“I don’t know.”

He nodded, and you slid your hand down the arm he had propped on the counter, lifting his hand and sliding your fingers between his. You stared at your linked hands and blinked back tears that came to your eyes for reasons you didn’t understand.

“Hey. What is it?”

You shook your head and Bucky gave your hand a squeeze.

“Come on, doll. What?”

You lifted your head, eyes shining with the tears that were threatening to spill over. You shook your head and Bucky moved forward, taking you into his arms.

“Talk to me.”  
“I’m scared.”  
“About what?”  
“Us.”

He closed his eyes, resting his chin on your shoulder as he held you. You found it so much easier to talk to him without his gorgeous eyes getting in the way. You sniffed.

“What if it doesn’t work? What if we do it again and end up the same way we did a year ago? Yeah, the sex is good, but what about everything else?”

He was quiet, and you shook your head as you went on.

“I can’t move back in. I like my apartment. It’s small and cozy and I can walk to work. Work is so far from here.”  
“Like your dad would ever let your feet touch the ground.”

You smiled, pinching his arm.

“I’m serious, Buck.”  
“Babe, I’m just asking you to go grocery shopping with me. Not move in. Just … buy some food that you like and I’ll keep it here for when you come over.”

You swallowed, and Bucky started to move back. You tightened your hold on him, pressing your cheek to his chest when he stood up. He moved a hand to play with the ends of your hair, and after a moment, he spoke softly.

“I know you’re scared. To be completely honest … so am I.”

He straightened just a bit and moved to rest his temple against yours.

“Scared I’ll fuck this up again.”  
“Bucky—“  
“I’m really trying here, okay?”

You closed your eyes, then pushed at his chest until he moved back and looked into your eyes. You lifted your hands to his face and sighed.

“I know you are. I can see it. I just …”

You looked down at his chest, watched it move while he breathed for a moment. You lifted your eyes back to his and took in a breath, letting it out slowly.

“I can try, too.”

He smiled, lifting his hands to cup your face.

“That’s all I’m asking.”  
“Be patient with me?”

He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours.

“Take all the time you need. I ain’t going nowhere.”

You smiled, lifting your chin and closing your eyes when Bucky kissed you again. You slid to the edge of the counter and gave his chest another push. He stepped back and you hopped down, grinning at him as you walked to the stove.


	5. Sweet Dreams

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you. We’re already back to this?”

While you spoke, Bucky laid his hands on the counter, hanging his head and huffing out a breath. He lifted his head and met your eyes, narrowing his own as he spoke.

“Because everything’s my fault, right?”  
“I didn’t say that. Don’t put words in my mouth.”  
“Why don’t you just go ahead and tell me what I can and can’t do?”

Your mouth fell open, and you shook your head.

“You’re such a bastard.”

Bucky let out a cold, bitter laugh.

“No kidding. But sweetheart, you’re not exactly a walk in the park.”  
“Guess I learned from the best.”  
“No arguments there.”

Your eyes were like fire when they met his.

“You see? I knew this was a bad idea. We’re no good for each other.”

Bucky nodded.

“At least we agree on something.”

You rolled your eyes, gathering your purse and walking towards the door. Bucky turned his back to you, crossing his arms over his wide chest, closing his eyes as the jolting boom of guns firing filled his ears.

Wait.

Guns?

He turned back, blinking at the sudden heat, the sand flying up and stinging his eyes, due to the helicopter that was trying to land. You nearly stepped out the door, but he grabbed your arm, pulling you back inside.

“Let go of me, Barnes!”  
“Wait. Just … just wait.”

It was like you didn’t even notice the heat, or the sand, or even the shots firing around you. You tried to yank your arm from his hold, a sneer on your face as you spit the words at him.

“I don’t want to be near you for one more second.”  
“Please. Just—“

He stopped, hearing a faint whistle. You finally yanked your arm from his grasp and ran forward.

“Y/N, no!”

He took a step forward as he reached for you, only to have his body airborne as the blast sounded and fire filled his vision.

* * *

 

Bucky sat up in his bed, eyes wide, entire body covered in a cold sweat. He threw the covers off, climbing out of bed and hitting his knees. He shook his head and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around his bare chest, not entirely sure whether he was trying to calm himself down or hold himself together.

He clenched his jaw and tried to breathe in through his nose, out through his mouth. It was like trying to take a deep breath through a straw, like he was underwater, but Bucky finally calmed enough to draw a ragged breath. He reached up to his nightstand with a vibrating hand, knocking his phone off it, barely able to hold onto it when he finally grabbed it off the ground. Shaking fingers somehow unlocked the phone, tapping the icons until the phone was ringing, pressing the speaker button and wrapping his arms tightly around himself again.

_“Buck, you okay?”_

Tears came to his eyes, and Bucky squeezed them shut, managing to force a sound from his throat. He heard a sigh on the other end.

_“You too, huh?”_

Bucky’s eyes opened.

“Wh … What?”  
 _“Did you dream about … being over there?”_

Bucky nodded, but even without seeing him, somehow Steve knew.

_“It’s weird. I dreamed about that time the helicopter landed right in our corner of the sandbox, like seconds before the IED went off.”_

Bucky nodded.

“Me … me too.”  
 _“I haven’t even thought about that in so long.”_  
“How are … you … so fucking calm?”

Steve chuckled.

_“Because I’m a good boy and I go to the meetings at the VA like I’m supposed to.”_  
“Christ.”

Bucky blew out a breath.

“Don’t … start … preaching that shit to me.”  
 _“I’m not preaching. And it’s not shit. It can help.”_  
“‘Can.’ Until you give me a foolproof ‘will,’ forget it. Plus, the guy who’s in charge is a dick.”

Steve let out a laugh.

_“Sam likes you.”_  
“No he doesn’t.”  
 _“He does! He thinks you’re funny.”_  
“We don’t jive, Steve.”  
 _“You’re just territorial about me. I can have more friends than you, Buck.”_

Bucky managed a smile.

“Long as I get to be your best friend.”  
 _“‘Til the end of the line, pal.”_

Bucky nodded, whispering to himself.

“‘Til the end of the line.”

He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply, exhaling in a ragged, relieved sigh.

_“Better?”_  
“Little bit.”

Bucky uncurled from the ball he’d been sitting in, leaning his back against the bed and stretching his legs out. He took another deep breath and Steve’s voice was gentle in his ear.

_“Want to talk about it?”_

Bucky sighed.

“It was what you said. The day the helicopter landed and the bomb went off. I haven’t even thought of that in years.”

He shook his head.

“It wasn’t just being over there. I dreamed that … Y/N was here and we were fighting. She started to leave and when she opened the door, I heard gunshots. Sand started flying in my eyes, but I was still in my house. She was still leaving, like the sand and the chopper and the fucking heat didn’t bother her. Like she didn’t even know they were there. She—“

He coughed, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

“She got away from me and I couldn’t get to her before the … the fucking bomb exploded.”

He closed his eyes, rolling his neck, fighting the urge to curl back up into a ball. He wanted her with him, where he could touch her and know that she was safe. He gave a low whine, shaking his head again.

“I don’t get it, Steve. Why would I dream that? Why would I dream about that hell when I haven’t in so long?”  
 _“I don’t know man, but I’m right there with you. Sam said PTSD doesn’t have a guidebook. You just have to ride the waves when they hit.”_  
“We don’t have—“  
 _“Shove that shit, Barnes. You know we’ve_ both  _got PTSD.”_

Bucky opened his eyes and raked a hand through his hair.

_“It doesn’t make us weak, you know.”_

Bucky nodded, speaking softly.

“Yeah, I know.”

He sighed and closed his eyes again, bending his knees up and resting one arm on them.

“Guess I should just prepare myself for the next one.”

Steve went quiet for a moment, his voice barely a whisper when he spoke again.

_“It’ll be the kid in Sokovia, won’t it?”_

Bucky swallowed, even though his mouth was dry. His voice was strangled when he spoke.

“Always is.”

Steve sighed.

_“You really should try a meeting with us.”_  
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”  
 _“They don’t judge, Buck. And they’ve been through the shit we went through. Not exactly the same, but real fucking similar.”_

Bucky rubbed his eyes with a hand.

“I’ll think about it.”  
 _“Hey, I’ll take it.”_

One side of Bucky’s mouth quirked up in a smile. He glanced at the clock beside the bed and let out a groan.

“I didn’t realize the time.”  
 _“Yeah, this one hit early.”_

Bucky licked his lips.

“You gonna go back to sleep?”

After a moment, Steve answered.

_“Probably not. Every time I get close to sleep, I start hearing shots. Or the chopper.”_

Steve didn’t sleep much anymore, and a nightmare like this didn’t help. The only time he slept well was …

Bucky closed his eyes, leaning his head back.

“Have you heard from her?”  
 _“Don’t.”_  
“She helps you. Might help you to call her now.”  
 _“Buck, I’m asking you, please don’t go there.”_

Bucky shook his head.

“Would it really hurt to call her?”  
 _“Fuck, Barnes. Yes. Yes it would. We call her Dizzy for a fucking reason, remember? You’re the one who gave her that goddamn nickname.”_

Bucky’s eyes widened. Steve only slipped into that sort of language when he was really upset.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off.”

Steve gave a ragged sigh, and Bucky just knew he was running a hand over his face, then through his hair.

_“It’s fine. I just … I don’t know.”_  
“I know.”  
 _“I tried to call her yesterday. Surprise, surprise, she didn’t answer.”_  
“I’m sorry, pal.”  
 _“Not like I should be shocked or anything. Dizzy does what she wants, and she always has.”_

Bucky laughed.

“That is very true.”

Bucky turned to look at the clock again, gnawing on his lip as he thought for a moment.

_“You know, Buck … we really need to think about bringing one of those dogs home with us.”_

Bucky laughed.

“You think it would help?”  
 _“Certainly couldn’t hurt.”_  
“Nice try, Cap, but that’s the last thing I need.”  
 _“Don’t even lie, Barnes. You know you’d love it.”_  
“I’ve fought it for this long. Got to keep it up.”

Steve snorted, then sighed.

_“Try and get some rest.”_

Bucky nodded.

“I will. And Steve?”  
 _“Yeah, pal?”_  
“Thanks.”  
 _“Anytime.”_

The phone beeped as Steve hung up and Bucky blew out a breath. He rolled his shoulders, tilting his head from side to side, wincing when his neck popped. He sighed as he leaned his head back against the bed, then furrowed his brows when a buzzing noise reached his ears. He sat up and grabbed his phone, confusion coloring his features when he saw the FaceTime call. He tapped on the answer icon, a smile coming over his face when he saw you.

“Hey, baby.”

The smile slid from his face when he heard your sniffle. He straightened up, holding the phone a bit closer.

“What’s the matter?”

You gave a watery laugh, shaking your head.

“Nothing.”  
“You’re crying. That’s not nothing.”

You shook your head again.

“I just …”  
“Talk to me.”

You pushed your hand through your hair, letting out a sigh. You looked at the camera, giving Bucky a view of your wet eyes. You took another breath, letting it out slowly.

“You called me.”  
“What?”  
“A little while ago, you called me.”

Bucky shook his head.

“No, I … I called Steve.”

You nodded.

“Yeah, after you called me. You must have done a three-way call and muted me or something, because I could hear you, but you never heard me.”

Bucky blinked slowly, then closed his eyes.

“You heard us?”

You nodded, tears filling your eyes. Bucky gave a deep exhale before moving the phone to where he could see you.

“I’m fine.”  
“You’re not.”  
“Y/N, it just—“  
“Bucky.”

He ran a hand over his face.

“Don’t pity me.”  
“Bucky—“  
“I don’t want you to pity me. And don’t feel sorry for me, either. I’m fine.”

You closed your eyes, looking away from the phone. Bucky could hear you sniffling, and he put his phone on the bed and stood up. You had a great view of the ceiling in his bedroom, but you didn’t have to see him to know he was pacing.

“How long have you had dreams like that?”

He huffed out a breath.

“They started when I was still over there. Got real bad when we first came back.”

He sighed.

“I drank a lot, at first. The drinking dulled the pain some. And then when I started vet school, I stopped sleeping as much. Found I could get away with a couple hours a night. I guess the studying was something I could focus my mind on. If I was constantly thinking about school, I couldn’t think about being over there and what we left behind.”

You crawled out of bed, walking to your closet and pulling out a pair of leggings and a hooded sweatshirt. Bucky continued to pace, continued to talk.

“I don’t know, the longer time passed the better it got. I didn’t have to drink so much. You helped.”  
“Me?”

Bucky smiled, walking back to the bed and picking up his phone. He frowned at the darkness he saw on his screen.

“Y/N? Where are you?”  
“I’m still here.”  
“What are you doing?”

You sighed, moving back to where you’d set your phone down and picking it up. Bucky shook his head as soon as he saw you.

“No. Babe, I’m fine.”  
“You’re not fine. And I can’t stand you to pace around by yourself when I’m perfectly capable of coming over.”  
“Don’t.”

You stopped, and Bucky sighed, rubbing a hand down his face.

“You don’t want me to come?”  
“Don’t think that. I do. Baby, I would love to see you right now.”  
“Then I’m coming. Or you can come here to me.”

Bucky sighed again.

“It’s late. I’m okay. I’ll be fine.”  
“I don’t want you to sit up by yourself all night.”  
“So what, you’re coming to sit with me?”

You threw your arms out.

“I don’t know!”

Bucky smiled.

“You have work in the morning?”

You sighed.

“Yes.”  
“Then stay at your place.”  
“Buck—“  
“I’m good now. I promise.”

You lifted a hand to scratch at your head, fluffing your hair while you were at it. You rolled your eyes and Bucky smiled.

“Let’s get together tomorrow. We can go eat somewhere or something.”  
“What do you mean by ‘something’?”  
“I don’t know. Something  _outside_ of my bedroom?”

You laughed, and Bucky grinned. After a moment, you huffed out a breath.

“Fine. I’m putting my pajamas back on.”  
“Ooh, prop me up and let me watch.”

You laughed.

“Bucky!”  
“What? What good is FaceTime if you can’t have a little fun?”

You shook your head, cheeks flushing red. Bucky caught the look in your eye and raised an eyebrow. A slow grin came over his face and his voice dropped.

“I saw that look on your face, doll.”

You shook your head.

“What if someone sees?”  
“Who’s going to see? I’m all alone. You’re all alone.”  
“I don’t know, what about the FBI agent inside my phone?”

Bucky laughed.

“That’s a good one.”

You glanced down before meeting Bucky’s eyes again. He slowly shook his head, biting his bottom lip. You licked your lips and shook your head.

“If you tell anyone about this…”  
“Who am I gonna tell?”

You raised an eyebrow and he grinned.

“Stevie will never know. Scout’s honor.”

You rolled your eyes and Bucky laughed, but his laugh trailed off when you propped your phone on your dresser.

“I’ve got to say, this would be a lot more fun if you were here in person, you know?”

Bucky nodded, tongue thick in his mouth as your hands danced at the hem of your hoodie. You moved your hands to the strings that hung by your neck, gently pulling each one intermittently. Bucky coughed, clearing his throat.

“You, uh… you’re going to make me regret not coming over, aren’t you?”  
“You’re the one who decided that it was ‘late’ and we needed to stay in our own places.”

Bucky laughed at your use of air quotes, and he groaned as you lifted your sweatshirt just a bit, giving him a view of your stomach.

“Baby…”

You shrugged, pulling your arms out of the sweatshirt, then pulling it over your head. That left you in a black tank top, and you dropped the hoodie to fix the messy bun you’d tossed your hair in before you’d tried to go to sleep. You glanced to your phone, saw Bucky staring at you, and you smiled.

“I miss you.”

He blinked, a few seconds before his voice ground out an answer.

“I miss you, too.”  
“How much?”

Bucky groaned.

“Enough to take freakin’ phone sex to a whole new level.”

You giggled, shimmying out of your leggings, leaving you in only a pair of bright pink panties.

“Christ, doll.”

You turned where your back was facing him and looked over your shoulder.

“I went to the gym with Nat tonight. Our class was called Booty Blast.”  
“I can tell. Jesus.”

You wiggled your butt, giggling again when he cursed loudly. You walked to your phone, leaning over the dresser and watching his eyes widen at the sight of your cleavage. He shook his head.

“Fuck it. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”  
“Buck, no.”

He groaned, pushing his hands through his hair.

“I’ll quit torturing you.”  
“Don’t you dare.”

You laughed, taking your phone to the bed and climbing in, sliding beneath the covers. You propped your head on one bent arm and smiled at him. He shook his head.

“When I see you again…”

You smiled.

“But you promised we’d do something  _outside_ the bedroom.”

He groaned, shaking his head.

“Damn it.”  
“I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

His eyes softened.

“I know you will.”

You tilted your head, moving to rest it against your pillow.

“Talk to me until we fall asleep.”  
“What do you want to talk about?”

* * *

 

Bucky yawned as he flipped through a few pages on his desk. He’d somehow managed to fall asleep again after talking to you, but the nightmare had hovered at the edges of his consciousness, keeping him from getting the rest he needed. Plus, the rambunctious, bitey kitten he’d dealt with earlier had worn him out.

He signed his name to the bottom of a page, yawning again, this time wide enough to warrant closing his eyes. He opened them again and jumped.

“Damn it, Steve. Make some noise.”  
“Old habits.”

Steve shrugged his shoulders and handed over a steaming cup of coffee. Bucky gave an appreciative moan, taking the cup and taking a sip.

“God, that’s good.”  
“Should I leave you two alone, or …?”

Bucky raised his middle finger and Steve laughed. Steve took a sip from the cup of coffee he held in his hand, glancing down at it.

“You get any rest last night?”

Bucky couldn’t stop the smile that spread over his face.

“Little bit.”  
“What’s that grin?”

Bucky gave a soft laugh.

“Apparently, when I called you last night, I also called Y/N. She heard our conversation, so I had to explain what was up.”  
“How’d she take it?”

Bucky sighed.

“She tried to come over. Didn’t want me to be alone.”  
“Would it have been the worst thing?”

Bucky shook his head, taking another drink.

“No. But I didn’t want her driving so late.”  
“Like she drives anyway.”  
“Fine, Ubering so late.”

Steve laughed, and Bucky smiled, then sighed.

“I don’t know, it helped. Just talking to her, seeing her face.”  
“Oh, she FaceTimed you?”

Bucky nodded, looking down at his cup and smiling. He glanced up and saw the grin on Steve’s face, then pointed a finger at him.

“Don’t. Do not. I promised her I wouldn’t say anything to you.”

Steve laughed, holding a hand over his chest.

“That hurts.”

Bucky grinned, and Steve rolled his eyes.

“Well, I’m glad she helped you.”  
“Yeah, especially watching how cute she is when she first falls asleep.”  
“Okay, I’ve got to leave you on that. Disgusting.”

Bucky laughed, leaning back in his chair and taking another sip of the coffee. Steve shook his head, tossing his empty cup into the trash can and leaving Bucky’s office. Bucky turned in his chair, glancing out the window as he finished off his coffee. A knock sounded at his door and he spun back around in his chair.

“You forget something, Stevie?”  
“Guess again.”

Bucky’s face lit up in a smile when he saw you leaning against his door. He stood to his feet as you walked into the office, shutting the door behind you and rounding his desk.

Bucky wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly. You put your face in his chest, running your hands up and down his back, then just holding him. He turned his face to your hair, closing his eyes and breathing you in.

After a few moments of just standing there wrapped up in each other, you leaned your head back. Bucky blinked his eyes open and looked down at you, closing them again when he pressed his lips to yours. One of your hands slid to cup his cheek, rubbing your thumb over the stubble on his chin as he kissed you. He finally broke the kiss, and you moved your thumb to rub his bottom lip. He kissed the tip and made you smile as you murmured to him.

“You okay?”

He nodded.

“I am now.”

You smiled as he pulled you into his arms again, pressing his cheek against yours. You pushed your fingers through his hair and glanced down, a smile coming over your face.

“Hey Buck?”  
“Hmm?”

He pulled back and you bit your lip as you glanced up at him. He raised an eyebrow and you smiled, moving your hands to his chest.

“How long has it been since you made out with someone in your office?”

A slow grin spread over Bucky’s face.

“This office?”

You narrowed your eyes and Bucky laughed, moving his hands to cup your face.

“Not once.”  
“Well, I think it’s about time we change that, hmm?”

Bucky nodded, sitting down when you gently pushed at his chest. You climbed into his lap, lowering your head and pressing your lips to his.

* * *

 

You walked out of Bucky’s office trying to fix your disheveled hair. You’d straightened your clothes as best you could, but your hair was a disaster. You walked to the front desk, searching for a mirror or at the very least a reflective surface, stopping when you heard a low chuckle behind you. You glanced over your shoulder to see Steve walk out of the shadows, the stick from a lollipop between his lips.

“Did ya have a good visit, Y/N?”  
“Oh, shut up.”

Steve threw his head back and laughed, walking up to you and squeezing your shoulders before brushing a hand down your back.

“Jeez, your shirt’s so wrinkled.”  
“Yeah, well.”

He smiled as he walked to stand in front of you.

“You missed a button.”

You groaned and he laughed again.

“What happened to your hair? It looked so good when you came in.”  
“Bucky happened. He gets so handsy, and now I’ve got to go back into work looking like … don’t even say it.”

Steve laughed, holding up his hands.

“I wasn’t.”  
“Liar.”

Steve rolled the lollipop around with his tongue and you rolled your eyes. He walked to lean over the waist-high counter.

“When you gonna quit the corporate bullshit and come work with us?”

You laughed.

“Pop would have a full-scale heart attack.”  
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”  
“But then he’d see that the vet clinic makes his baby girl so very happy and everything would be fine.”

You shook your head, a smile on your face as you turned around to see Bucky saunter into the room. He walked up to you and laid a hand on your hip, pulling you to him and kissing your lips. Steve made a disgusted face as he turned away from the two of you and you giggled as you lifted a hand, wiping the lipstick you’d reapplied off of Bucky’s lips.

“Must be nice in that dream world of yours, Barnes.”

He smiled.

“You  _are_ welcome here anytime. I’d give you Steve’s job in a heartbeat.”  
“Hey!”  
“Hey, what is it that you do again?”

Steve closed his mouth, turning back to the filing cabinet. You giggled again, and Bucky kissed your forehead before he stepped away from you.

“So I’ll pick you up at seven?”

You nodded, and Bucky gave your hand a squeeze. Steve cleared his throat, taking the sucker from his mouth.

“You might want to get going. There’s a … less than desirable pet coming in about five minutes.”  
“What do you mean by ‘less than desirable?’”

Bucky and Steve both flicked their tongues out of their mouths—Steve’s a bright blue, thanks to the sucker—and made a hissing noise. You gasped as a shiver shot through your spine and shook your head, hurrying out the door, Bucky and Steve’s laughter following you to the parking lot, where a car was waiting for you.

* * *

 

You pulled your phone from your purse, checking the time. You glanced around, then gave a sigh, walking back inside the building. You rode to the fourteenth floor, walking to your office and setting your purse down on the desk before sitting in your chair. **  
**

You closed your eyes, leaning back, trying your best to fight off the tears that were threatening to spill from your eyes.

“Ms. Y/N?”

You opened your eyes to see your intern in your doorway. You blinked, sitting up in your chair.

“Peter? What are you still doing here?”  
“I usually stay until everyone’s gone.”  
“Really? Why?”  
“I can catch up on whatever I need to.”

You nodded.

“That all?”

He nodded and shrugged his shoulders, cheeks turning a dusky pink. You smiled, crossing your arms over your chest.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with the night time cleaning crew and a certain new hire, would it?”  
“What?! No! No, of course no—why would you think that?”

You bit your lip, unable to hide the smile. Peter sighed, walking into your office and slumping down in your chair.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it? I’m being too obvious.”  
“Honey, no.”

Peter gave you a look and you made a face.

“It’s not obvious obvious, but … I notice things.”  
“That’s why you’re so good at everything.”

You rolled your eyes, a smile on your face. Peter grinned at you and you sighed.

“I’m not good at everything. I just …”  
“Fake it?”

You snorted.

“Yeah. Fake it ‘til you make it, Mr. Parker.”

Peter nodded, and you leaned over, tapping your fingernail on the desk. Peter glanced at your hand, then up to your face. You nodded towards the elevators, where the cleaning crew had just arrived.

“Go for it.”

Peter looked back at you, eyes wide. You shrugged your shoulders again and he swallowed. You bit your lip from smiling again and he stood up, smoothing a hand down his shirt. He started walking out of your office, tripping just outside the door. You winced, but Peter hopped right back up, straightening his shoulders and walking down the hall, towards where the cleaning crew had gone.

You chuckled to yourself, moving the mouse on your desktop and typing your login information. You pulled up a document and began typing, letting your mind focus on the task at hand. When you were finished, you lifted your head, rolling your shoulders, going still when you looked at the door.

Bucky stood there, arms crossed over his chest, muscles bulging out the sleeves of his navy blue scrub top. You swallowed, blinking once before you cleared your throat.

“What are you doing here?”

He sighed, letting his arms fall, pushing off from the wall and walking through the doorway, coming to sit in one of the chairs in front of your desk. You swallowed again as he stared at his hands, then lifted his blue eyes to yours.

“Do you want me to give you the excuses? Or do you want me to just own it and try to make it up to you?”

You shrugged your shoulders.

“You don’t have anything to make up.”

Bucky sighed again, pushing a hand through his hair.

“Don’t do this.”  
“Do what?”  
“Close off like this.”

You shrugged again, and Bucky huffed out a breath.

“Come on, Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes, turning back to the computer. Bucky leaned forward, placing his hand on the desk.

“I’m serious. Talk to me.”  
“There’s nothing to talk about.”  
“The hell there isn’t.”

You flicked your eyes to him, seeing the worry there. You shook your head.

“It’s fine, Buck.”  
“No, it’s not.”

You sighed and he stood up.

“I told you I’d be here at seven, and here I am…”

He glanced at the watch on his wrist.

“An hour and a half later.”

He stared at you, and you licked your lips before you sat back in your chair.

“You said you had an excuse. What is it?”

Bucky blinked, then nodded.

“Emergency surgery. I couldn’t take the time to stop and call you, and my phone’s been acting weird all day, so I couldn’t even send you a text. I had actually sent Steve to see if they could fix my phone at the store, which was why I was there by myself when the surgery came in.”

You nodded, and he went on.

“By the time I was finished and I realized what time it was… I thought the best thing for me to do would be to come and find you, talk to you face to face.”

You nodded again.

“Well, I appreciate it.”

Bucky hung his head, blowing out a breath before looking at you again.

“Don’t do that.”  
“What?”  
“Act all cold and clinical and professional. It’s me, Y/N. Yell at me. Let me have it.”  
“I don’t want to.”

Bucky shook his head.

“What do you mean?”

You clenched your teeth and let out a shaky breath, fighting to keep the tears that wanted to spill over at bay.

“I’m tired and I just want to go home.”  
“Let me take you.”  
“No, I’ve got a car coming.”  
“Y/N, I don’t want us to leave it like this.”  
“Like what?”  
“All weird.”

You shook your head, shrugging your shoulders.

“It’s not weird.”  
“You’re lying!”

You looked to him, fire in your eyes as you stood up.

“What do you want me to say, Barnes? That it’s no big deal? That it was no big deal when I stood down in front of this building for half an hour like a complete idiot waiting for something that was never going to come?”  
“Y/N, I’m sorry. I  _was_ coming—“  
“But you couldn’t let me know that.”  
“My phone was fucked up! Steve took the phone to get it fixed, which meant I couldn’t call you, couldn’t text you, and with Steve gone, no one could call.”

You nodded, and Bucky sighed.

“You have every right to be pissed at me. I should have called you, but I couldn’t. I had to jump into the surgery and I couldn’t do anything else.”

You swallowed, then licked your lips.

“I’m not pissed at you. I get it. Things happen. It’s just …”  
“What?”

You shook your head and shrugged your shoulders.

“We’ve been through this before.”

You watched the recognition light up Bucky’s features. You watched him swallow, watched him straighten his shoulders and his spine, slowly standing to his feet. He shook his head.

“Y/N. This is … this isn’t like before. I’m not like I was before.”

You nodded.

“At the end there, you stopped calling me. You showed up when you wanted. Whenever you felt like it. I had to make so many excuses for you, and you didn’t even care.”

Bucky ran a hand down his face, then stepped closer to your desk. He held out a hand to you.

“I … I don’t know what to say to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. But just because this one thing happened doesn’t mean I’m the same bastard that I used to be.”

You nodded, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I can see that.”  
“In some aspects, you mean.”  
“Don’t put words in my mouth.”  
“Christ, Y/N. What do you—“  
“Ms. Y/N?”

You and Bucky turned to the door, where Peter was standing. He narrowed his eyes at Bucky, and you raised an eyebrow.

“Peter, you’re still here?”  
“Is everything okay?”

Bucky crossed his arms over his chest, and after a moment, Peter did the same thing. You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up from your throat. They both looked to you with a confused look on their faces and you shook your head.

“Peter, honey, thank you. Really. But I’m fine. Bucky was … he was just leaving.”

Bucky let his arms fall.

“What?”

You shrugged your shoulders.

“We’ve been kidding ourselves, Barnes.”  
“You’re serious right now?”

You sighed, and Peter silently made his way backwards out of your office. You reached up to scratch at your temple, at the dull ache that was beginning to make itself known.

“One mistake and you’re writing me off?”  
“Buck—“  
“Why can’t you see that I want this to work? That I’m trying really hard here? Why can’t you give me a chance?”

You moved your lips, but no words would come out of your mouth. He sighed, pushing a hand through his hair.

“Fine.”  
“Bucky.”

He turned away from you, waving both of his hands as he walked out of your office. You sat back down in your chair, putting your face in your hands, the tears coming before you could even try to stop them.

* * *

 

You sniffled as you stared out the window, tears still slipping down your cheeks. The lights of the city through the window gave your office a gentle glow, since you turned the light off and shut the door a while ago, just after Bucky had left.

Your phone started vibrating and you glanced at the caller ID, sitting up and wiping your face before you answered it.

“Hello?”  
 _“Hey baby doll, you’re on speaker. Tell your sister hello.”_

You smiled at the sound of your mother’s voice, tears still leaking from your eyes. There was a chorus of hellos shouted to you and you grinned as you spoke.

“Aw, hey guys! What’s happening with my favorite people?”  
 _“Oh, you know. I’m so busy here lately, but I think I’ll manage.”_  
“Pop, no offense, but I meant the kids.”

Giggles filled the line and your smile widened.

_“Y/N, I’m going to be in a ballet recital!”_   
_“It’s in like 4 months, honey.”_

You gave a soft laugh.

“Abby, that’s wonderful! You have to let me know when it is so I can be sure and be there.”  
 _“Mama will.”_  
 _“Right, because Mama is the official family secretary.”_

You could just see the eye roll your mom had to give then, and you smiled.

_“Gray, don’t you want to tell her something?”  
“Y/N, I’m going to be in the school play.”_  
“What? Oh Gray, that’s awesome! What play is it?”  
 _“The Wizard of Oz. I’m going to be the Cowardly Lion.”_  
“That’s my favorite part!”

Your brother laughed, and you tapped a hand on your desk.

“Let me know when that will be and I’ll be there.”  
 _“Mama, can you—“_  
“I will, buddy. I’ll text you later, Y/N.”  
“Thanks, Mom.”

Your eyes welled up with tears again and your mom’s voice came through the speaker again.

_“Honey? You okay?”_

You pressed your lips together, pulling the phone away from your face as you sniffled.

“I’m fine. Just a long day and I’ve got a headache.”  
 _“Take some Tylenol.”_

You smiled.

“I will, Mom.”  
 _“Are you still at the office?”_  
“Yes, Pop.”  
 _“This late?”_

You licked your lips.

“It’s by choice, Pop. I’m about to go home in a few.”  
 _“You sure?”_

You hung your head, trying to keep from sobbing out loud. You closed your eyes, feeling your heartbeat throbbing in your head.

“Yep. I’m okay.”  
 _“Honey, why don’t you come up and see us soon? I know the kids would love to spend some time with you.”_  
“We’ve got a big project coming up at work, but after that…”

You kept your eyes closed, pressing your palm against your forehead in an effort to alleviate the pounding.

_“Don’t work so hard, princess. Take a breather.”_  
“I’ll talk to my boss about that.”  
 _“Want me to put a bug in his ear?”  
_ “You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

Your dad cackled and you shook your head.

“I miss you guys.”  
 _“Then come see us!”_  
“I’ll see what I can do.”

There was a resounding chorus of voices telling you that they loved you, and you managed to choke out that you loved them back. You hung up the phone and put your head on your desk, groaning as tears slipped from your eyes and the pounding in your head seemed to intensify.

Your phone vibrated again and you lifted your head to check the message.

_You know you can always call me. No matter what time, day or night. I’m always here for you. That’s what mamas are for._

You smiled, sniffling once.

_I know_ , you texted back. _I love you._

_Not as much as I love you._

You wiped a hand over your face, groaning when you saw the mascara smeared over your palm. You grabbed a tissue and wiped your face clean, shutting your computer down and grabbing your bag. You stood up and asked around your desk, pressing a hand to your forehead.

You gave a quiet moan and slowly walked to your office door, walking through it and shutting it behind you, gasping when you glanced to the floor.

Bucky looked up at you, knees drawn up and arms resting over them. You blinked and he got to his feet, groaning as he stretched and straightened.

“What are you doing here?”  
“I got to the elevator and decided I’m not letting you go this easily. You want to fight me every step of the way, fine. I am more than willing to fight for us, even if you’re not.”  
“I … I’m not …”

You closed your eyes, gasping softly when Bucky reached out and laid a hand against your cheek. You leaned into his touch, tears slipping from your eyes.

“What, baby?”  
“I’m so tired. My head hurts so bad.”  
“Let me take you home.”  
“I can call a cab.”  
“You can waste the money and we’ll take a cab, or I can just take you home in my truck.”

You kept your eyes closed, reaching out and touching his shoulders, pulling him closer until you could rest your head against his chest. His arms wrapped around you and you sighed, snuggling closer into him. One of his warm hands came to rest on the back of your head and you gave a soft moan.

“Let’s go home.”

You nodded at his whispered statement, blinking open your eyes and wincing at the bright light of the hallway. Bucky kept his arm around your shoulders, holding you against him in the elevator and down to the parking garage. He all but loaded you into the truck, and you closed your eyes as he started the engine.

* * *

 

Bucky kept one eye on you as he drove to your apartment, reaching across the seat and taking your hand in his. You gave a sigh and gave his hand a weak squeeze.

“You okay?”  
“I think I have a migraine.”  
“Can I help?”

You gave a minute shake of your head.

“I just need to sleep it off.”  
“Do you have some medicine for it? I can stop at a store or something.”  
“I think I have something. It’s just throbbing.”

Bucky sighed, flipping on the blinker and turning. You were quiet the rest of the way, and when he parked at your apartment building, he climbed out of the truck and walked around to your side, smiling when he noticed that you were asleep.

“Come on, baby. Let’s get inside.”

You blinked your eyes open, whimpering as pain shot through your skull. Bucky helped you from the car, holding still as you leaned into him, wrapping an arm around you and holding you close to his side.

“Can you make it inside?”

You nodded, moaning at the pain that caused. Bucky kept his arm around you, leading you into the building, into the elevator, holding you close as the two of you rode up to your floor. You handed him the key and he unlocked the door, taking your hand and leading you inside. He turned the light on in the kitchen, switching it off again when you hissed at the pain the light sent radiating through your skull.

“Where’s your medicine? Kitchen or bathroom?”  
“Just let me go to bed.”

Bucky sighed, but took your hand, leading you into the bedroom. You sat on the bed, tears slipping from your eyes again. Bucky helped undress you, slipping one of his shirts, a threadbare one you’d stolen long ago, over your head. You lay down, moaning when your head hit the pillow, reaching out and grabbing Bucky’s hand as he pulled the blankets up around you.

“Buck?”  
“Rest, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”  
“I don’t want to give up on us.”

Bucky smiled, using the tips of his fingers to gently brush the hair back from your forehead.

“We can talk about it later, sweetheart.”  
“I just don’t want to get hurt again.”  
“I know.”  
“I don’t think I can bear it.”

Bucky swallowed, continuing to brush his fingertips over your forehead, slowly slipping them down your nose.

“You won’t have to, doll. I promise.”  
“Don’t leave.”  
“I won’t.”  
“Promise?”

Bucky smiled.

“I’m going to make a few calls, then I’m climbing in this bed right beside you.”  
“Okay.”  
“Okay. Get some rest.”

You gave a subtle nod, the gentle rhythm of Bucky’s fingers lulling you to sleep. Once you were out, Bucky sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. He stood up and walked to the doorway, looking over his shoulder and staring at you, swallowing as he absently rubbed a hand over his heart.


	6. Heart to Heart

You woke up when it was still dark in your bedroom. You sat up in the bed, pulling your knees up, closing your eyes again when your head throbbed with every movement. It wasn’t as bad as when you’d fallen asleep, but it was still painful. You slowly crawled out of bed, holding a hand to your temple as you made your way to the kitchen, for a glass of water and some kind of medicine to try and alleviate the pain in your head.

You wrinkled your nose when you saw the door to your balcony cracked slightly, the acrid smell of tobacco slipping through the crack. You walked over, blinking when you saw him leaning on the railing, a lit cigarette between his fingers.

“Bucky?”

He glanced over his shoulder, giving you a small smile.

“Hey. How you feeling?”

You shook your head, closing your eyes and wincing at the pain that movement caused. Bucky motioned to you when you opened your eyes again.

“I got some medicine for you. I didn’t know what you had or where to find it, so I went to the store and bought some.”  
“And some smokes?”

Bucky sighed when he glanced down at his hand.

“When did you start smoking?”  
“Go and take the meds. I can tell you’re hurting by the look on your face.”

You looked from his face to the cigarette, and he turned back to stare out over the balcony. You wanted to say more, but your head chose that moment to give an incredibly painful throb. You turned away from him, going back inside, to the refrigerator for a bottle of water. You unscrewed the cap and found the migraine medicine Bucky bought for you. You read the label and took the recommended dose, draining half the bottle of water.

You thought about going back outside, but you stayed where you were, leaning against the counter and watching Bucky smoke. After a while, he came back inside, washing his hands, then laying them on the counter, hanging his head.

“Buck?”

He sighed, lifting his head, but not looking at you. You swallowed, setting the bottle of water on the counter beside you. He still didn’t look at you as he spoke.

“We need to talk.”

You were glad you’d set your water down, because your hands started shaking. You lifted your thumb to your mouth, nibbling on your nail. Bucky still wouldn’t look at you as he spoke.

“Tell me about when we broke up.”

You blinked.

“What?”  
“When we broke it off. What did you do?”  
“I moved in here, started working at—“  
“No.”

He shook his head and you let out a breath. After a moment, he spoke again.

“You said … you said that you didn’t want to give up on us. That you didn’t want to get hurt again because you didn’t think you could bear it.”

He turned his head to look at you then, and you swallowed. His voice was soft when he spoke.

“What happened?”

You looked away from him, walking towards the balcony. You stopped at the French doors, pulling back one of the gauzy curtains your mom had hung and staring out at the night, noticing the lights of the city didn’t bring too much pain.

“After I came and got my stuff from your place, I went to my mom’s.”

You were quiet, keeping your back to him, missing the battle Bucky had with himself as to whether or not to go to you, to take you in his arms and hold you. In the end, he chose to stay back, putting his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t reach out for you.

“Tell me about it.”  
“Bucky—“  
“I need to know. Give me all the details.”

You closed your eyes, setting your jaw. You swallowed, then spoke softly.

“I didn’t get out of bed for three days. I finally did because Mom told me that Abby was watching me and she was worried about me. How ridiculous is that? It took a three-year-old to snap me back to reality.”

You shook your head.

“I cut my hair. Pop hovered like a fucking blimp. And weeks later, when I finally decided to act like an adult and move into my own apartment, I freaked.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, glancing across the room.

“Nat found me passed out on the floor and took me to the emergency room. I’d hyperventilated from a panic attack until I lost consciousness. Scared the shit out of her. And Clint, because he was crying when I finally woke up. They all but made me move in with them.”

You glanced back out the window.

“I slept on their couch and Clint marathoned sad things on Netflix with me. I gained like thirty pounds from all the ice cream we ate. And when they got knee-deep into wedding planning, I thought I might could try the apartment thing again.”

You sighed as you looked over your shoulder.

“Mom and Pop brought the kids and stayed with me a lot. Grayson stayed with me his whole spring break. Nat kept coming over whenever Clint got on her nerves. Clint came over once or twice because Nat was driving him insane.”

You licked your lips.

“I was finally feeling better a month before Clint and Nat’s wedding. I got a new job, settled in working a few days a week. Went on a disastrous date with one of Clint’s buddies.”

You closed your eyes, shaking your head at the memory of the catastrophe that was your one and only date with Scott Lang. You blinked open your eyes, turning and facing Bucky, who was leaning against the counter, hands still in his pockets.

“I was okay by myself for the first time in a long time, and then I saw you at the wedding. And you … god. You looked so good.”  
“Took everything in me not to talk to you.”

You nodded.

“I loved you, Bucky. You were my first real relationship. I know it was far from perfect, but it was ours. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I knew I had to do it. We weren’t … we weren’t good for each other anymore. Something had changed, and I … I couldn’t fix it.”

You turned back to face him, walking to him, watching him take his hands from his pockets and reach for you, lacing your fingers with his. You stopped in front of him, closing your eyes as he pulled you closer and leaned down, resting his forehead on yours.

“It was me.”

You started to shake your head, whimpering softly when the movement caused pain to shoot through your skull. Bucky let go of one of your hands, moving his other to cup the back of your head and gently massage it. You gave a soft sigh and he pressed his lips to your head before resting his forehead against yours again.

“I was what had changed and I … god, Y/N. I don’t know why. I think it was that you … you were the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I was so scared I’d fuck you up somehow. I guess being so scared I’d fuck it up made me fuck it up.”

You squeezed your eyelids together at the sudden rush of tears that threatened to spill over.

“Bucky.”  
“I missed you so much.”

You couldn’t stop the tear that slid down your cheek at his whispered statement. He shook his head, giving your hand a squeeze.

“I’m a piece of shit. I know it. God, do I know it. I hurt you and I … God, baby. I can’t even begin to tell you–’sorry’ doesn’t even come close.”

He shook his head and you let out a shaky breath at his broken inhale.

“I know I don’t even deserve to ask this, but … Give me another chance, Y/N. I know I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. But I … Jesus. I can’t even think of losing you again.”

You let go of his hand, moving your hands to his shoulders and pulling him closer. He wrapped you in his arms and you gave a shaky sigh, burrowing your face into his neck.

“Why is this so hard?”

Bucky smiled at your muffled question, slowly moving his hand up and down your spine.

“It doesn’t have to be.”  
“You just have all the answers, don’t you?”

Bucky leaned back, watching you slowly blink your eyes open. He moved a hand to cup your face and you closed your eyes as you leaned into his touch.

“I’m so sorry.”  
“Don’t.”

Bucky shook his head.

“No, I’ve got to say this.”

You kept your eyes closed, kept pressing your face to his warm hand.

“I didn’t realize what I put you through. I never should have done it. I never should have pushed you away or acted like such a complete ass. You deserve so much better than that. So much better than me. But if you’d give me half the chance, I swear I’ll—“

You cut him off by taking hold of the back of his head and lowering him to your level, bringing your lips to his. Bucky gave a soft moan, taking hold of your face and kissing you back. You pulled away from him and kept your eyes closed as he pressed his lips to your  forehead.

“Let’s just … we can both give it another chance. We’ll take it slow and talk to each other and work through our problems.”

Bucky nodded, kissing your forehead once more before he pulled back and looked into your eyes.

“Thank you.”  
“Just… don’t give up on me, Barnes.”

He smiled.

“Don’t give up on me.”

You nodded, taking his hand and pulling him behind you as you made your way back to your bedroom.

* * *

 

You woke up mid-morning. At least, you thought it was mid-morning. The rain pattering against your bedroom window skewed your sense of time, and the dark grey sky didn’t help any, either.

You smiled when you felt a muscular arm slid over your hips, pulling you backwards to a wide, warm chest.

“Go back to sleep.”

Your smile widened when you heard the deep, sleepy voice murmur behind you.

“What time is it?”  
“Time for you to go back to sleep.”

You giggled, turning over to face him. Bucky sighed, rolling to his back and looping an arm around you once you snuggled up beside him, laying your head on his shoulder.

“Can I ask you a question?”  
“No. I’m asleep.”

You laughed, moving to rest most of your body on his, brushing your fingers through his hair.

“When did you start smoking?”

He sighed, blinking his eyes open. He turned his head to look at you, and you continued to card your fingers through his hair.

“I only do it when I’m really anxious or stressed. Last night… I was both. Didn’t know what else to do, so I grabbed a pack.”

You swallowed, but nodded.

“I’m sorry.”  
“Hey. It’s not your fault.”  
“It kind of is.”  
“No. How I deal with my stress is my fault, not yours.”

You lifted your eyes from his stubbled chin to the breathtaking blue that was looking back at you. You swallowed again and he moved a hand to brush your hair back, cupping your cheek.

“I know I need a better outlet, but … I don’t know. There’s something comforting to me in a cigarette. Don’t ask me why.”  
“Did your dad smoke? Or your mom?”

Bucky shook his head.

“My grandpa smoked like a chimney. I never did, until I was deployed. Stevie though, Mr. All-American that he is, never touched one of the things.”

You rolled your eyes, and he tapped your nose with a finger.

“It’s not an addiction for me. It’s just a … I don’t know. A comfort, maybe. I’ll toss the rest of the pack if that’s what you want.”  
“I don’t want to tell you what to do.”

Bucky licked his lips.

“You’re not. This is me, wanting to be better for you. And I know you don’t like it. Hell, I don’t really like it. It’s just a thing.”  
“Ain’t no thang.”

Bucky smiled.

“You’re a more important thing.”

You slid forward, pressing your lips to his. He slid his hands into your hair, pulling back and looking into your eyes.

“Hey, how’s your head?”

You blinked, then smiled.

“Fine.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and you laughed, laying your hands against his shoulders and bracing yourself as you moved your leg over his waist, straddling him. You lifted a hand to push your hair out of your eyes and Bucky shook his head.

“Goddamn, baby.”

You smiled at him, leaning down and laying your lips on his, gasping softly as his warm fingers slid underneath your sleep shirt.

* * *

 

Bucky tapped his phone against his palm, standing in the middle of your kitchen as you came walking in from the bathroom. He was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and a frown and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Why so grumpy?”

He flicked his eyes to yours, shaking his head as his brows were still furrowed.

“Steve didn’t answer my call.”  
“Maybe he’s asleep.”  
“He’s Steve. ‘Early to bed, early to rise,’ all that bullshit.”

You rolled your eyes as you walked towards the fridge.

“Maybe he’s busy.”  
“Doing what? I closed the clinic today.”

You turned back from the fridge with a smile on your face.

“Honey, I hate to break it to you, but Steve’s life does not revolve around you. He is allowed to do things without clearing it with you first.”

Bucky gave you a look that made you giggle.

“My cupboard is bare. Do you want to order some food?”  
“Yeah, sure.”  
“What do you want? Pizza? Chinese? There is that new Mexican place over on Third. Nat said it was pretty good.”

Bucky glanced out the window and you sighed.

“Hey.”

He didn’t turn to you, so you walked over to him. He held out an arm and you moved close to his side, smiling to yourself when he wrapped his arm around you.

“What’s wrong?”

Bucky sighed.

“When Steve brought my phone back yesterday, he just left it on the front desk. He never does that. He always tells me, you know? He didn’t even come and find me.”

Bucky shook his head.

“The only time he acts like that is …”  
“Oh no.”

Bucky sighed again, nodding his head.

“I think Dizzy’s back in town.”

He ran a hand down his face and you shook your head.

“He’s a grown man, Buck.”  
“I know he is. But when it comes to Dizzy, he just … god, Y/N. She’s so bad for him, but it’s like he doesn’t even care.”

You smiled, moving out from under his arm, then taking his hand. You led him to the couch and made him sit, then sat backwards on his lap, facing him. His hands automatically went to your hips, and you brushed your fingers through his hair.

“People could say the same thing about us, you know.”  
“What?”  
“That we’re bad for each other.”

Bucky tilted his head as he looked at you.

“People like your parents?”

You sighed.

“And Nat.”

Bucky nodded, then looked up at you.

“You think we’re bad for each other?”  
“Well, we’re not good for anyone else.”

Bucky let out a laugh.

“Well, why don’t we just prove them wrong, huh?”

You smiled, leaning in and kissing his lips. Bucky pulled back and met your eyes, a smile on his lips that you couldn’t help but smile back at.

“What?”

He leaned in, kissing you once more before murmuring against your mouth.

“Maybe we can find some place that’s open late.”  
“It’s New York, Buck. Everything’s open late.”  
“Good. Plan on a late supper.”

You started to protest, until his hand slid beneath your shirt, which was really his shirt that you’d stolen. You lifted your hips just a bit, giving Bucky room to slip his hand between your legs. A grin came over his lips as you gasped at his ministrations, and he leaned in to kiss you again.

“A very late supper.”

* * *

 

Bucky answered the door for the late-night pizza delivery, since your legs were still shaking. He carried the box to the couch and sat beside you, handing you a slice and a napkin before arranging your back against his chest and taking a bite of his own slice.

“Best pizza in the city.”

You shrugged your shoulder, picking an olive off your slice and popping it into your mouth.

“It’s good, but I wouldn’t say it’s the best.”  
“Do not speak such blasphemy in my presence.”

You snorted, taking another bite. Bucky reached for another piece, rolling the fingers of his other hand up and down your arm.

“I had an idea.”

You raised an eyebrow as Bucky took another bite.

“What kind of idea?”  
“Let’s get away for a while.”  
“Buck, I’ve got to work. We’ve got a big project coming up.”  
“Yeah, but not next weekend. It’s a long holiday weekend.”  
“Is it?”

Bucky nodded.

“We could take off Thursday afternoon whenever we get off work and hit a beach, maybe.”

You leaned back against him, nodding.

“That sounds good.”  
“It could be just me and you, or we can check with the rest of our motley crew and see if they’re in.”

You blinked, then smiled.

“That could be fun. A road trip like old times.”

Bucky turned his head to kiss your temple and you closed your eyes, resting back against him.

“You think Dizzy will still be here?”

Bucky blew out his breath.

“Doubt it. Which sucks, but it will probably mean Steve’s definitely in for a trip to try and clear his head.”

You sighed, eyes still closed, shifting until you were comfortable against him. Bucky smiled, moving a hand to brush through your hair, playing with it as he spoke.

“Why don’t you go get in the bed?”  
“I’m not tired.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, a smile on his face.

“You’re drifting off right now.”  
“I am not. I’m just waiting for you to pick a movie.”  
“Oh, that’s why your eyes are closed?”  
“Yes.”

Bucky gave a quiet laugh, picking up the remote control and turning your Netflix on. He continued playing with your hair, and before the movie even started, you were asleep.


	7. Have Mercy

“Okay. I’ve got blankets and pillows for the ride. Clint’s driving. Buck, you and Y/N were in charge of snacks. Did you deliver?”

You held up a shopping bag filled with individual bags of chips, sunflower seeds, Pop-Tarts, M&Ms, and sour straws. Natasha clapped her hands, then turned back to the group.

“Stevie, you were in charge of tunes. We good?”

Steve passed over a CD and Natasha raised an eyebrow.

“Seriously?”  
“It’s this or the novel invention known as a car radio.”  
“No one listens to CDs anymore.”  
“Then plug in your phone.”  
“But—“  
“Nat.”

She glanced to you and Bucky, and the two of you shook your heads. She sighed, watching as Steve slid sunglasses onto his nose and glanced away, then looked back to you. You shrugged your shoulders and Natasha huffed out a breath.

“Okay, we’re all set. Load up and let’s get the hell out of here.”

Clint climbed into the driver’s seat, starting up the SUV. Natasha climbed into the passenger’s seat, buckling her seatbelt as Steve climbed in and went to the backseat. You and Bucky were in the seat in front of Steve, and you buckled your seatbelt, glancing over your shoulder to see Steve settle into the backseat, long legs stretched out in front of him. He crossed his arms over his chest, resting his head back against the window. You sighed when you saw the earphones in his ears.

“He’ll be alright.”

You looked to Bucky who shrugged as he took his eyes from Steve. You sighed again, smiling softly when Bucky reached over and took your hand. You turned your head to look out the window, closing your eyes as the sights and sounds of the city started to fade away behind you.

* * *

 

“Sleepyhead. Hey. Wake up, beautiful.”

You blinked, yawning widely before blinking again and opening your eyes. Bucky’s smiling face came into view, and he chuckled as he held his hand out to you.

“Come on. We’re here.”

Your eyes widened.

“I slept the whole drive?”  
“Steve did too, to be perfectly honest. But you didn’t snore half as loud as he did.”  
“Kiss my ass, Barnes.”

You laughed, taking Bucky’s hands and letting him help you from the car. You yawned again and stretched, groaning as your muscles protested from being in one position for too long. Bucky took your hand again and pulled you close, whispering as he started walking towards the house.

“If we hurry, Barton will unload all the luggage and we’ll just have to bring it in.”  
“Hey, no! Barnes, you get your ass back here!”  
“Run!”

You laughed as you took off running with Bucky, holding tight to his hand as the two of you ran up the steps, onto the porch, then into the house. Bucky whistled low beside you, reaching up to take his sunglasses off his face. Natasha came walking into the room, a smile on her face.

“I know, right?”

You grinned, still holding Bucky’s hand, leading him as you looked around.

“Buck, look at the piano!”

He nodded, smiling widely, following you to the floor to ceiling windows that looked out onto the beach. You sighed, and he stepped up behind you, wrapping his arms around you.

“It’s beautiful here.”  
“It is. You ready to relax a bit?”

You laughed.

“More than you could imagine.”

You closed your eyes as Bucky kissed your temple, both of you turning from the view when a crash was heard behind you. Clint pointed at Bucky, chest heaving.

“A plague on both your houses.”

Your eyes widened and Bucky rolled his. Clint shook his head.

“I’m not your bitch, Barnes. Go get your bags out of the car.”  
“I thought you were in charge of unloading.”  
“Well, you thought wrong, asshole.”

Natasha snorted and you glanced her way. She rolled her eyes, but smiled, and you and Bucky started back towards the car. Clint grabbed your arm when you got near him.

“Where you going?”  
“To get my bags out of the car.”  
“I got yours already, babe.”

Bucky held out his hands.

“Seriously?!”

Clint shrugged his shoulders and you laughed, stepping closer to him and Natasha. Bucky gave a frustrated groan and stomped towards the car. Natasha cleared her throat.

“When are you going to tell him that Steve already brought his bags in?”  
“When he comes back, of course.”

You laughed as Clint shrugged his shoulders, and Natasha took your hand.

“Come on. Let’s play bartenders.”

* * *

 

You sat out on the balcony, watching the waves roll in while everyone else tried to decide what to do for dinner. Going out wasn’t an option, because you’d declared that you were not about to waste time washing your hair when you could be staring at the beach. So, the takeout debacle was unfolding.

You heard the door open behind you, glancing up to see Steve step through the doors. He had his hands in his pockets as he stared out at the waves.

“Hey, buddy.”

He glanced to the small table, where you were sitting, a soft smile coming to his lips when he saw you. He walked over and sat beside you, lounging on the chair and letting his head rest back on the seat. You reached over, pushing your fingers through the soft strands, scritching at his scalp. He closed his eyes, leaning in towards you.

“You okay, big guy?”

He sighed.

“I will be. I just have to … brood for a while, I guess.”

You smiled, pulling your hand back when he sat up.

“I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Why do I let her do this to me? Why do I let her get under my skin?”

You smiled, leaning in close to him, laying a hand on his thick bicep.

“Have you ever seen Forrest Gump?”  
“Your favorite movie that you make whoever is around you sit through when you even  _think_ it’s coming on?”

He let out a laugh when you punched his arm.

“Yes, honey. I’ve seen it.”  
“You know how Forrest loves Jenny? How everything he goes through, everywhere he’s been, the one constant has been his love for her?”

Steve nodded, and you leaned in close, nudging his temple with your forehead.

“She’s your Jenny.”  
“Y/N, come on.”

He pushed away from the table, standing up and pacing the balcony. You sat back, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Tell me I’m wrong.”  
“Of course you’re wrong!”  
“How?”

Steve shook his head, counting off on his fingers.

“Neither of us is addicted to drugs. Neither of us have a kid. I’d like to think my I.Q. is a little bit higher than his.”  
“But no matter what she does, no matter how bad she hurts you, the minute she steps back into town, you’re there for her.”

Steve stopped, then shook his head.

“That’s a movie, Y/N.”  
“And this is real life! Tell me you can’t see the similarities.”

Steve went still, shoulders moving up and down as he breathed.

“It’s pathetic.”  
“What? No, it isn’t.”

Steve let out a laugh.

“Yes, it is.”

He looked to you and shrugged his shoulders. You leaned forward in your chair, glancing at the sunset before bringing your eyes back to Steve.

“You can’t help who you fall in love with. You can tell yourself all day long that she’s no good for you, but your heart doesn’t listen.”

Steve glanced out at the waves, speaking softly.

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

You pushed back from the table, walking to the railing and leaning over it. Steve did the same thing beside you, and after a moment, you spoke.

“I’m the queen.”

Steve gave a soft laugh and you continued.

“It’s like … playing with fire, you know? You know you’re going to get burned, but you just can’t help it.”

You gave a shaky exhale and Steve leaned over, laying an arm around your shoulder. You shook your head, sniffling and trying to blink back the tears that came to your eyes. You leaned into Steve, resting your head on his shoulder.

“I hate this.”  
“What?”

You huffed out a breath.

“It’s different this time. I know it’s different; I can feel it. He’s different. But I am … so … scared that it’ll get messed up again that I can’t …”

You shook your head. Steve sighed, scooting closer to you, tightening his hold on you.

“You can’t live your life in fear, Y/N.”  
“I know.”  
“You can’t sit around holding your breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Just because one time imploded doesn’t mean this time will.”

You nodded.

“Is that why I still haven’t told my parents that we’re back together?”  
“You haven’t?”

You pursed your lips and shook your head.

“They called the other day and I couldn’t do anything but cry. They were around the last time, Steve. Mom had to physically stop Pop from coming to find Bucky and kicking his ass.”  
“I’d have paid good money to see that.”

He laughed when you slapped his chest. You huffed out a breath and looked back out at the ocean.

“How am I supposed to tell them that I dove headfirst back into a relationship with a guy that I know is bad for me?”  
“First of all, just because you two were bad together once doesn’t mean it’ll always be that way. Buck’s different now. I know you think I’m just saying that because he’s my best friend, and you’re not wrong.”

You laughed, and Steve smiled as he went on.

“But I am around the guy every day. I saw him make the change when the two of you picked back up and I’m still seeing it every time you come around.”

You looked over at him and he gave you a soft smile as he reached up, brushing a stray piece of hair off your face.

“Give him another chance.”  
“I am.”  
“Don’t give up on him.”  
“I’m trying not to.”  
“He’s going to fuck up some. It’s just what we do. Don’t write him off because he does it once.”

You turned your face to Steve’s shoulder and he kissed the top of your head. He rested his cheek atop your head and let out a sigh, turning to look out at the waves again.

* * *

 

The next morning, everyone was up and moving around early, getting ready to spend the day at the beach. Natasha had been out since the sun had come up, but the rest of you needed more sleep.

You were standing up and looking out the window, eating a granola bar when Bucky walked up behind you, laying his hands on your hips and kissing your neck. You couldn’t help but smile as he kissed you again, then leaned to rest his chin on your shoulder.

“I like this hairdo on you.”

You snorted.

“The messiest of messy buns?”  
“You’re beautiful.”

You rolled your eyes, taking another bite of the granola bar. You leaned back, resting against Bucky.

“I could live here.”  
“Really?”

You nodded.

“I wouldn’t do anything at all but sit and stare at the water.”  
“No job or anything?”

You shook your head.

“Nope. Might not even eat. I’d just sit and look.”

Bucky chuckled behind you.

“I’d sit with you.”  
“Really?”  
“Yep. We could stay on that balcony and just become one with the chairs.”

You snorted.

“You’re so weird.”  
“Hey, it was your idea.”

You turned around, smiling at him until he bent his head and kissed you.

“Ready for the beach?”

You nodded. Bucky kissed you once more, then walked into the kitchen, picking up a bag and heading for the door. You hurried to join him, slipping your hand in his. He shut the front door behind him and started down the steps. You went still, squeezing his hand. He turned back, lifting an eyebrow.

“Did you pack sunscreen?”

He glanced down to the bag, then back to you. You rolled your eyes and smiled at the look on his face.

“I’m not rubbing aloe all over you once you get burned.”  
“But that sounds like such a fun time.”

You shook your head.

“Go ahead. I’ll meet you down there.”

Bucky nodded, watching you walk back into the house before he turned to walk towards the beach. You opened the front door and yawned, walking inside and going still when you heard a beautifully sad melody playing from the piano you’d found the day before. You followed the sound of the music, even when it stopped and started up again. You stopped in the doorway, breath catching in your throat when you saw Steve’s wide shoulders bent over the keys. He sat up, tilting his neck from side to side before his fingers began playing that same sad melody again.

It took you by surprise when his rich voice began to softly sing.

_“Mercy._   
_Why you gotta show up looking so good just to hurt me?_   
_Why you wanna stop this whole damn world from turning?_   
_Mercy._   
_Why you hanging on so tight if this ain’t working?_   
_Why you wanna stop this flame if it’s still burning?_   
_‘Cause it’s still burning._

_So if you’re gonna break my heart,_   
_Just break it._   
_And if you’re gonna take your shot,_   
_Then take it._   
_Take it._   
_If you made up your mind,_   
_Then make it._   
_And make this fast._   
_If you ever loved me…_

_Have mercy.”_

You couldn’t stop the tears that came to your eyes from how helpless he sounded, begging for mercy. The song slowly came to an end, his fingers forcing the last few notes from the keys before he let out a shaky breath, sitting back. You walked up behind him, wrapping your arms around him, resting your chin on his shoulder and pressing your lips to his cheek. He closed his eyes, reaching a hand up to grip your wrist. When you could speak, it was soft, whispered into his ear.

“That was beautiful.”  
“Thank you.”  
“I mean it. It was … heartbreakingly melancholy, but I love it.”

Steve smiled, patting your hands. You straightened and he turned on the piano bench, looking up into your eyes.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

You smiled and nodded. He tilted his head back towards the piano.

“I wrote it.”

You blinked.

“What?”  
“That was a Steve Rogers original. Although, I go by a different name when I publish.”  
“I’m sorry. You what now?”

He ducked his head and smiled. You shook your head and he took your hands as he spoke.

“I’m a songwriter. Once or twice a year, I go to Nashville and submit a few tunes. You’ve, uh … you’ve heard some of them. You like some of them, because I’ve heard you singing them.”

Your mouth opened and he let out a laugh.

“I’m a good secret keeper.”  
“You write songs.”

He nodded.

“Songs that are on the radio.”

He nodded again.

“I’ve got a song of the year award.”  
“Steven!”

He threw his head back and laughed, then stood up and wrapped you in a hug. You put your face in his chest, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. After a minute of the two of you just standing there and holding each other, you spoke.

“Do you really have a song of the year award?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Why didn’t you tell any of us?”  
“I don’t know, really. All of you just seem to take it at face value that I can live the life I do working in my best friend’s vet clinic.”

You leaned back, looking up and waiting until Steve looked down at you.

“Give me one song you wrote.”

Steve smiled, letting go of you and stepping away, and you followed him to the room he’d claimed. He went into one of his bags, digging around until he pulled out a small booklet. You raised an eyebrow, taking it from him when he handed it to you.

“Fifth page, bottom right.”

You flipped through what you now realized was the insert to a CD, the booklet of lyrics and liner notes.

“I had this CD, you know.”  
“Did you?”

You nodded, stopping on the fifth page and smiling.

“This was my favorite song on the whole album.”

You scanned through the lyrics, stopping and reading the names of the songwriters.

“Steve Rogers isn’t even on here.”  
“Because I use a pen name.”

You nodded, re-reading the names.

“Are you … Roger Grant?”  
“Bingo.”

You lifted your eyes back to him and he shrugged his shoulders.

“Steven Grant Rogers. Little maneuvering and … bam.”

You shook your head.

“I just …”  
“Don’t believe it?”  
“It’s a lot to take in.”  
“I know.”

You shook your head again as you closed the little booklet. You lifted your eyes to his and smiled. You stepped closer to him and wrapped your arms around him, pressing your lips to his cheek.

“Look at my friend, the songbird.”

Steve rolled his eyes. You took his hand, leading him out of his room and back to the piano. He slowly slid his hand over the glossy top, resting his forearms on it. You walked to the other side of the piano, going onto your tiptoes to mirror him. He gave a quiet laugh and you smiled at him.

“Want to come to the beach with us?”

Steve glanced down at the keys, then nodded.

“Can you … just keep this between us?”

You raised an eyebrow and Steve sighed.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m so used to keeping that part of me hidden from everyone … I’m not ready to tell everyone just yet.”

You nodded.

“I can keep your secret, big guy.”

Steve smiled, standing up and walking to you, taking your hand and following you to the beach.

* * *

 

After dinner, you found yourself back on the balcony, a thin cardigan on your sunburned shoulders. It didn’t matter how much sunscreen you tried to apply. The sun always managed to burn through it. This time wasn’t too bad, but you kept shivering, something you did not understand but chalked up to your fevered skin.

You smiled at the laughter you heard behind you, shaking your head as who you guessed to be Clint cranked the music up. You heard the sliding door open and shut behind you, and you sucked in a breath as gentle hands took hold of your waist and pulled you backwards until your warm skin met an equally warm chest. Bucky kissed the ball of your shoulder, hands gently massaging your hips.

“What’cha doing out here?”  
“Listening to the waves.”

He kissed your cheek, and you turned to face him, gently laying your hands on his shoulders and closing your eyes as he kissed your lips.

“Come with me.”

You raised an eyebrow, but took the hand he offered, letting him lead you down the balcony to the steps that led down to the beach. He bypassed the beach entrance, instead going for—

“I didn’t know there was a pool here!”

Bucky laughed as he opened the gate. You stepped in behind him, pulling the cardigan closer around you, going on your tiptoes and peering at the deep end. Bucky closed the gate behind you and walked in front of you.

“Want to do a little night swimming?”

You smiled.

“I took off my suit earlier when Nat was slathering me with aloe.”  
“Who said anything about suits?”

You raised an eyebrow as he tugged his T-shirt over his head. He went for the button on his shorts and you rushed over to him, grabbing his hands.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

Bucky smiled at the question you hissed. He shrugged a shoulder.

“Skinny dipping.”  
“Hell no.”  
“Why not?”  
“Someone could see!”

He let go of your hands, taking a step back from you.

“This is a private pool. Only people who might see are Steve, Clint, and Natasha. But I feel that they, like you, had no idea about this pool.”

His hands went back to the button on his shorts, popping it free and sliding the zipper down. You swallowed, looking around, pulling the cardigan closer. Bucky flashed you a smile.

“Cool water might feel good on your sunburn.”

He dropped the shorts, pushing his boxers down with them. You felt your cheeks burn, glancing away from his nakedness, closing your eyes when you heard his laugh.

“Have you ever skinny dipped before?”  
“No!”  
“Then do it with me.”

You turned, met his eyes, and Bucky winked at you before he dove into the pool. You blinked wide eyes, shaking your head as you looked around. Bucky came up and shook his head, water flying off his hair before he slicked it back.

“God, it feels great. I was right about the sunburn thing.”  
“What if somebody walks by?”  
“It’s a private pool, babe. They’d have to have a code to get in and I haven’t told anyone what the code is. Not even Steve.”

You sighed, a slow grin blossoming over Bucky’s lips when he saw you bite your bottom lip.

“Just me and you, doll. Haven’t you ever wanted to …”  
“Not in a pool!”

Bucky laughed, swimming over to the edge of the pool. He rested his muscled arms on the concrete, blue eyes locked on you.

“You don’t have to go full-out. Leave your bra and panties on. Basically a bikini, right?”  
“Maybe if I’d bothered with a bra.”

Bucky’s eyes flashed and you blew out a breath. You closed your eyes, then gave a soft laugh. You stepped out of your flip flops and winced as you shrugged the cardigan off. It was Bucky’s turn to bite his lip as you unbuttoned your shorts, sliding them down your legs before grabbing the hem of your tank top and pulling it over your head. Bucky gave a soft whistle when you pushed your panties off, walking to the edge of the pool and dipping your toe in.

“Shit, Buck. It’s freezing.”  
“You’ve got to jump in or you’ll never make it.”

You huffed out a breath, pushing a hand through your hair. Bucky smiled and you shook your head, bracing yourself and jumping into the pool.

It wasn’t as cold as you were expecting. It was actually pleasant, and Bucky was right. The water felt incredible on your fevered skin. Your feet hit the bottom and you pushed off, swimming back to the surface and gasping when your head broke free from the water. Bucky was treading water in front of you, and you smiled at him.

“Good idea, huh?”

He sputtered as you splashed water in his face, and you laughed as you swam away before he could retaliate. He eventually caught you near the shallow end, where both of you could touch the bottom, taking hold of your arm and pulling you against his chest. You sighed, looping your arms around his neck. He leaned in and kissed you, and your hands slid into his wet hair.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”  
“Hey, don’t go trying to lay the blame on me. You’re in here.”

You rolled your eyes, but smiled.

“We don’t even have towels out here.”  
“Got it covered.”

You lifted an eyebrow.

“Have you been planning this?”  
“Maybe?”

You laughed, shaking your head as he dipped to kiss you. You sighed, pushing your fingers through his hair, reveling in the feel of his hands on your back, pushing you closer to him. Bucky’s hands slid to your hips, pulling you even closer as his lips drift to your neck. You gave a laugh, shaking your head.

“You’re out of your mind.”

Bucky lifted his head and you shook yours again.

“No.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because!”

Bucky smiled.

“Because why?”

You licked your lips, closing your eyes when Bucky’s lips found yours. The two of you moved in the water until your back tapped the wall, and you moaned when Bucky laid his hands against the wall, rolling his hips against yours. He pulled back and looked into your eyes and you slowly shook your head.

“If someone catches us …”  
“I’ll take all the blame.”

You rolled your eyes, looping your arms around his neck and wrapping your legs around his waist. He grinned as he dipped his head, lips finding yours again, hand slipping under the water to brush between your legs. You cleared your throat, and Bucky looked to you with one eyebrow raised.

“You, uh… you don’t … we’re good.”

He smiled, giving a quiet laugh before kissing you again. You broke the kiss, giving him a smile and dropping your legs from around his waist. You turned around, biting your lip and glancing over your shoulder. You saw the moment it registered, and Bucky gave a low groan, taking hold of your hips. Your mouth fell open, head falling back and giving a low moan as he slowly slid into you.

“Fuck, baby.”

Bucky put his face in your neck, slowly thrusting into you before dragging backwards. He continued that slow, torturous rhythm, and you let your head fall back on his shoulder. His hands flexed on your hips, clenching you tight enough you figured you’d have finger-shaped bruises dotting your hips tomorrow.

Bucky kissed your shoulder, then tapped your hips, twisting gently until you turned to face him. You wrapped yourself around him again, watching as he took a step back from the wall and murmured for you to hang onto it. You did, leaning back when he prompted, a broken cry leaving your lips when this new position enabled him to press even deeper. His fingers slid over the back of your hand and you twisted your wrist, grasping his hand and tangling your fingers with his.

Bucky groaned, reaching his free hand out to cup your breast, flicking his thumb back and forth over your nipple, causing you to take in a gasping breath.

“Buck—“

You gasped again and he nodded, letting go of your hand and pulling you closer. He kept massaging your breast, moving his other hand between the two of you, flicking your clit. You wrapped your arms around him, grasping a handful of his hair, gently tugging as his thrusts sped up.

“Fuck, babe. Just—fuck—“

Bucky groaned as you took in a breath, mouth open in a silent scream as your orgasm crashed over you. He wasn’t too far behind you, pulling out at the last possible second. You fell back against the side of the pool and Bucky moved to stand beside you, putting his arms on the edge and hanging his head.

You shook your head, giving a soft laugh. Bucky turned his head to face you and you turned your head to meet his eyes.

“We could have drowned.”

Bucky gave a laugh.

“Nah.”

You shook your head, sinking lower into the water. Bucky took hold of your waist, swimming with you until you reached the steps at the shallow end of the pool. He sat down, pulling you into his lap, and you leaned against him, looking up at the stars. Bucky pressed his lips against your temple and you closed your eyes as his hands laced together with yours. You shivered and Bucky gave a low chuckle before he kissed your cheek.

“Come on. Let’s go back inside.”  
“I’m not putting my clothes back on without drying off first.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, then gently pushed you forward until you swam away from him. He climbed out of the pool, walking to a large cabinet and opening it. He produced two thick towels, setting one aside while he wrapped the other around his waist. You swam back to the steps, climbing out of the pool and shivering until Bucky wrapped a towel around you. He laid his hands on your hips and pulled you in, kissing your lips until he pulled back just enough to murmur against your mouth.

“You tired?”  
“A little.”

Bucky grinned, lifting a hand to brush your wet hair over your shoulder.

“You better perk on up, sunshine, because I ain’t done with you tonight.”

You raised an eyebrow as your cheeks warmed, and Bucky laughed as he gathered his and your clothes in his hands. You followed him back to the house, where Clint, Nat, and Steve were still awake, watching a movie on the big screen TV, beer bottles littering the floor around them. You tried to sneak to the stairs, heading up to yours and Bucky’s room, but Steve’s slightly drunk, overly loud voice stopped you.

“Hey! Where’ve you been?”

You stepped behind Bucky, who jumped when you pinched his ass. He cleared his throat and shrugged his shoulders.

“Little night swimming.”  
“In the ocean?”  
“No, there’s a pool.”  
“What?!”

Steve jumped up, wobbling until he leaned forward and grabbed the back of the couch.

“Let’s go swimming!”  
“How about not?”

Steve furrowed his brows at you and you giggled, speaking over Bucky’s shoulder.

“You’ll drown.”

Steve waved a hand at you and Clint raised his hand. You laughed and he pointed to the clothes in Bucky’s hand.

“How’d you go swimming?”

Bucky shrugged his shoulders.

“We got in the water and moved our arms and legs?”  
“No, asswipe. I mean … what did you wear?”

Bucky glanced down and you pursed your lips as you stared up at the ceiling. Natasha crawled over Clint, pointing at you.

“You didn’t wear anything!”

You pressed your forehead to Bucky’s back as his shoulders shook while he bit back a laugh. Clint and Steve made disgusted noises while Bucky puffed out his chest.

“That’s right. We went skinny dipping and—“

You clamped your hand over his mouth. Natasha fell onto the couch in a fit of giggles and Steve shook his head where he was standing.

“I don’t want to go swimming anymore.”

You laughed, and Bucky took your hand, leading you up the stairs. You waved to Clint and Natasha, giggling as you followed Bucky, full-out laughing when he threw his towel down the stairs and Clint made gagging noises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Steve "writes" is a beautiful song called "Mercy," by Brett Young. Do yourself a favor and go look it up. It's so good.


	8. Something Unexpected

You sighed as you flipped through papers on your desk, rolling your shoulders to try and abate the itchiness that had set in while your sunburn began to peel. You set the papers aside and took in a deep breath, hanging your head while you closed your eyes.

You grabbed your phone when it jingled, not opening your eyes until you had the phone in your hands under the desk. A picture appeared, of a drawing of a few stick figures, a square house, green grass, a yellow sun in the corner. One of the stick figures had black hair, another yellow, two brown, and one pink . You couldn’t help but smile, sliding your finger across the screen when your mom called.

“Hey, Mama.”  
 _“What do you think about our little Picasso? I mean, I know it’s not abstract, but…”_

You laughed.

“It’s excellent. Who’s the one with pink hair, though?”

Your mom sighed.

_“That’s Abby. Apparently, she’s ‘always’ wanted to have pink hair. Who knew?”_

You laughed, shaking your head.

“She’s the best.”  
 _“You should have seen the look on your dad’s face when she said that. I’m dying to find some wash-out dye or something and have him see her for real.”_

You laughed again.

“Mom, that’s terrible.”  
 _“Yeah, well. He deserves it, after all the crap he’s put me through over the years.”_

You shook your head. You looked at the stacks of papers on your desk and closed your eyes. After a moment, your mom spoke.

_“Honey? Are you okay?”_

You gave a shaky breath, moving to rest your head on your hand.

“I don’t know.”  
 _“Talk to me, sweetheart.”_

You lifted your head.

“I don’t know. It’s nothing, really. There’s a project coming up at work that I really need to get started on. I mean, I’ve started on it, but I need to really dive into it.”

You licked your lips and went on.

“And then just … I don’t know.”  
 _“This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with a certain boy, would it?”_

You went still.

“What?”  
 _“How is Bucky, by the way?”_

You blinked, shaking your head.

“Mom, how … how did you know?”  
 _“Because after nearly thirty years together, I know you better than you know yourself?”_

You blew out a breath, leaning back in your chair and putting a hand over your eyes.

“Does Dad know?”  
 _“Uh, no. And I’m not about to open up that can of worms and tell him. That one is on you, sister.”_

You snorted, shaking your head.

“Are you disappointed in me?”  
 _“What? Honey, no.”_

Your mom sighed.

_“You are an adult. You are free to make your own decisions and it is my job as your mother to let you make those decisions.”_  
“Mistakes, you mean.”  
 _“Yeah, those too. I can’t tell you how to run your life, baby. I don’t want to.”_

You licked your lips and let out a breath.

“It’s just … it’s different this time, Mama.”  
 _“Is it? Good different?”_  
“Yes.”  
 _“And he’s good to you?”_  
“Yes. Better than before.”  
 _“Then what more can I ask for?”_

You smiled.

“I miss you, Mama.”  
 _“I miss you too, baby. Come see us. These children ask about you incessantly and your dad and I are almost ready to pack them up and ship them to you.”_

You laughed.

“You stop badmouthing my babies.”  
 _“‘Your babies’ have been on a tear here lately. It may come down to either my sanity or their freedom.”_

You laughed.

“Pop would lose his mind if those kids weren’t driving him crazy on the daily.”  
 _“I know you’re right, but Mama needs a break.”_

You laughed.

“I, uh … I’ll have to see what I can do and come visit.”  
 _“I am not too proud to beg, my darling.”_

You laughed, glancing at the pile of files on your desk.

“I should probably get back to work.”  
 _“Yes, you should. Make that money, honey.”_

You smiled.

“I love you, Mama. I’ll talk to you later.”  
 _“I love you more. Bye, baby.”_

* * *

 

You turned from your desk, yawning widely and stretching your arms over your head, giving a groan when your back popped. You rolled your shoulders, turning your chair back and letting out a laugh.

“Hey, Peter.”

Peter Parker smiled from the doorway. You set your forearms on your desk, giving him a smile.

“How’s it going with the girl?”

He lifted a shoulder, and you raised an eyebrow.

“You haven’t talked to her, have you?”  
“What? Of course I have!”

You nodded, pressing your lips together. He sighed, shoulders drooping as he dragged his feet and walked into your office. You stifled a laugh and he dropped into one of the chairs in front of your desk.

“I can’t. Every time I try, it’s like I’ve never spoken a word before in my life. I get all tongue-tied and I know she must be thinking ‘how’d this idiot get an internship here?’”

You laughed, reaching over your desk and patting his hand.

“Stop trying so hard. Just talk to her. Talk to her like you talk to me.”

Peter nodded, giving a sigh.

“You say that like it’s so easy.”  
“It doesn’t have to be as hard as you’re making it.”

Peter nodded again.

“I just … I never was someone who people noticed, you know? And I guess I still feel like that.”  
“I know how that goes.”  
“Well, for you … it kind of comes with the territory, doesn’t it?”

You smiled, glancing over your shoulder at the picture of your family at your college graduation.

“Pretty much, yeah.”

Peter smiled, sitting up straighter in his chair.

“So, are you ready?”

You looked back to him.

“Ready for what?”  
“The big project reveal tomorrow.”

You smiled, shaking your head.

“That’s not until the fifth.”  
“Uh, yeah. That’s tomorrow.”

You narrowed your eyes, moving the papers around on your desk, until the big calendar came into view. You scanned the dates, feeling your heart jump to your throat.

“Oh my god.”  
“Everything okay?”

You blinked, looking up at him. You shook your head, covering your mouth for a moment.

“I’m nowhere ready to present anything. Crap. Oh my god, I … I’m going to be up all night. Shit.”  
“Uh, can … can I tell you something?”

You lifted your head and Peter gave you a smile.

“I … I kind of noticed that you’ve been a little … preoccupied, lately?”

You nodded, and he went on.

“I don’t want to—to overstep or anything. But I—I did put a little something together. You don’t have to use it. You can say it’s crap and do your own and it won’t hurt my feelings or any—“  
“Peter!”

He stopped, wide eyes looking at you. You nodded.

“Can I see it?”

He jumped up, running out of your office. You stared down at your calendar, eyes focused on tomorrow’s date. You lifted your head and covered your mouth with a hand. You tapped your foot on the floor and closed your eyes, sitting upright again when you heard Peter’s footsteps rushing back. He handed you a USB drive, only slightly out of breath. You pushed the USB into your computer, motioning for Peter to sit while it loaded. When it did, you went through the presentation, watching it once before breaking it down slide by slide.

When you’d finished watching it closely, you turned to the ball of anxiety trying to play it cool in the chair across from you.

“Peter Parker …”

He winced, and you smiled.

“This is amazing.”

His eyes widened and you gave a soft laugh.

“I just … have you been able to do stuff like this the whole time?”

He lifted a shoulder and you shook your head.

“No. Don’t play this off. This is good, Peter. I honestly don’t know if I can do anything better than this.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the grin that lit up his face.

“I do have a few suggestions. But this …”

You shook your head, licking your lips. You looked to your computer, clicking through a few slides before looking back to Peter.

“How do you feel about presenting this?”

His eyes widened.

“Wh-what? No, I … this is—this is your project.”  
“And I have done exactly zero research. You, on the other hand, put all of this together. I can’t present it, Peter. It’s yours. It is amazing and they’re going to love it.”

He blinked, and you leaned over, laying a hand on his. You gave him a soft smile.

“You’re completely capable of doing this, Pete. I know you can.”  
“Won’t they be upset an intern did all this?”  
“If they are, then we’re not doing the job we need to be doing. The whole point of the intern program is to get you guys experience so you can do stuff like this.”

You pointed to your computer and shook your head.

“This is top-level excellence, Peter. Especially for someone your age, with your limited experience. I’m so proud of you for putting this together.”

_And saving my ass_ , you thought to yourself.

“You’ve got to present it.  _You’ve_ got to be the one.”  
“But how am I supposed to answer the questions they’re undoubtedly going to ask? I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”  
“Of course you do!”

He swallowed and you gave him a smile.

“You’ve been to presentations with me. You watched me give a few.”  
“You just make it seem so easy.”  
“What have I told you eight million times already?”

He smiled.

“Fake it ‘til you make it.”  
“Exactly. You get up there and act like you know everything about everything. Be confident, but not cocky. Speak clearly and concisely, and when you don’t know the answer, say something like ‘That is something we’re wanting to focus on, but we need to do more research on that aspect.’ You’ve heard me say that before, right?”

Peter laughed as he nodded. You reached over, laying your hand on his.

“You can do this. I know you can.”  
“Will you be there?”

You smiled.

“You think I’d miss out on this? You think I’d just toss you in the deep end and tell you to swim as I walk away?”

Peter shook his head.

“Exactly. I’ll be there. I’ll study this tonight so I can jump in and save you if need be. But I have a pretty good feeling that you’re going to be amazing at this.”

Peter slowly nodded, a smile coming over his face.

“You really think I can do this?”  
“You think I’d have said all that if I didn’t?”

Peter pushed a hand through his hair and laughed. He jumped to his feet and you stood up as well. He flashed a brilliant smile at you and you couldn’t help but smile back at him as you walked around your desk. You laid your hands on his shoulders.

“Do you have a suit?”

Peter nodded.

“Wear it tomorrow. Make some notecards, just in case. I’ll do the same and we can match them up tomorrow. If you put this together, then you know this stuff. Just refresh your memory and you will be amazing.”

Peter nodded, then smiled.

“Thank you, Miss Y/N. You won’t regret this, I promise.”  
“I know, Mr. Parker. Get plenty of rest tonight, okay?”

He nodded, turning and all but running out of the room. You gave a soft laugh, then swallowed, the smile slipping from your face. You turned back and went to sit at your desk. You stared down at the calendar, putting a hand over your mouth.

* * *

 

You stepped into the club, scanning the room until you saw a flash of red hair. You swallowed and made your way through the crowd. Natasha’s face lit up and she squealed as she met you on the dance floor.

“Hey! I didn’t think you were coming out tonight!”  
“I hadn’t planned to.”

Natasha pulled you behind her, leading you to the table Clint and Steve were sitting at. They jumped up when they saw you, Clint hurrying to hug you and kiss your cheek. When he stepped back, Steve embraced you, but when he started to pull back, you tightened your hold on him. He blinked, hugging you just a bit tighter as he whispered in your ear.

“You okay?”

You nodded, unable to speak at the moment. You finally patted his back and Steve pulled back, kissing the top of your head and squeezing your hand. You smiled at him, turning away when you saw the look of worry that came over his face.

“Hey.”

You shook your head, smiling again when you turned to look at him.

“Is Buck here?”

Steve nodded.

“He went to get our drinks.”  
“Do you want something? We’ll send him back once he brings us ours.”

You laughed at the grin on Clint’s face. You shook your head.

“No, I … I just need to talk to him.”

Steve leaned in closer to you and you shook your head, giving a breath of relief when Bucky came walking to the table, bottles of beer dangling from his fingertips. A smile lit up his face when he saw you, and you laughed as he started dancing his way to you.

“Hey, beautiful.”

He leaned in and kissed you, setting the bottles on the table. As Clint and Steve grabbed their drinks, Bucky turned to you.

“I didn’t think you were coming out tonight.”  
“I hadn’t planned on it, but …”

You glanced around, narrowing your eyes at the crowded room, feeling the thick thrum of the music’s bassline pounding in your veins. You shook your head, moving closer to Bucky. He laid a hand to the small of your back, dipping his head so you could speak in his ear.

“Can I talk to you outside?”

Bucky nodded, taking your hand and leading you through the side door, out to an alleyway. You gave a sigh of relief when you were in the crisp night air, rubbing your hands up and down your arms. Bucky stood behind you as you walked towards the building next door, leaving your back to him.

“Baby, what is it?”

You closed your eyes, lifting your face as you took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. You turned to him and saw a look come over his face, a few seconds before he walked to you and took your hands.

“Hey. Talk to me.”

You looked up at him and felt your heart stutter in your chest. You swallowed and looked at his chest before lifting your eyes back to his.

“You know that big project I had coming up at work?”

He nodded.

“It was due on the fifth.”  
“That’s today.”

You gave a soft laugh.

“Yeah, I know. I guess I just procrastinated or something, because it completely slipped my mind. My intern was the one who reminded me.”  
“The one who was going to kick my ass that time in your office?”

You laughed again, laying your hands on his arms. He stepped in closer to you and you gave a shaky breath.

“Yeah. He saved my ass today, Buck.”  
“Really?”

You nodded.

“I’m going to talk to the big wigs next week and see if we can bump him up from the intern program into a real position.”  
“Wow.”

You nodded, then stopped, closing your eyes and shaking your head.

“That’s not—that isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Bucky nodded, and you moved closer to him. He wrapped his arms around you and you put your face in his chest. Bucky held a hand to the back of your head and exhaled.

“Look, you, uh … you’re kind of scaring me, you know?”

You lifted your head again.

“I’m sorry. I’m not …”

You sighed. You lifted your hands and took hold of his face, pulling him down and kissing his lips. Bucky took hold of your hips, keeping you close. When you broke apart, you dipped your head, resting it against his chest before you stepped away from him.

“Buck, I …”

He shook his head, stepping closer to you.

“Y/N, what?”  
“I don’t know how to say this.”  
“Just say it.”

You swallowed, looking up at him as he stopped right in front of you. You let out a breath and met his eyes.

“Bucky, I’m late.”  
“Late for what?”

You smiled, closing your eyes as you shook your head. You opened your eyes and looked up at him.

“My period is late.”  
“Oh.”

He nodded, and you watched as his eyes widened, as the realization hit.

“ _Oh_.”


	9. Yes or No

“Okay. So we’ve got … a lot to choose from here. Geez. Okay. This one … this one does the lines. One line for no, two for yes. This one … this one does a digital readout. Got my vote. Oh, and this one does a little happy face.”  
“How are you so calm right now?!”

Bucky turned to you and crossed his arms, and you glanced around the drugstore you were currently in. You put your thumbnail back into your mouth, gnawing your nail more than you already had. Bucky blinked at you, then unlaced his arms, laying his hands on your shoulders and turned you to face him.

“I have to be calm, because you’re clearly freaking out enough for the both of us right now.”

You blew out a breath.

“This is kind of a freak out worthy occasion, don’t you think?”

Bucky shrugged his shoulders, turning back to the wall of pregnancy tests. You blinked, then moved to stand in front of him.

“What do you mean?”  
“What?”

You shook your head.

“Don’t just shrug. Why aren’t you freaking out with me?”  
“Because I feel like someone needs to be calm right now. If we’re both freaking out, someone will probably say something they don’t mean and I’m not about to head down that road again.”

You blinked, and he reached over your shoulder.

“Look, the happy face one is a double pack.”  
“I don’t want the happy face one.”  
“Okay, what about the digital readout one?”

You nodded, and Bucky reached behind you and grabbed one of the boxes. He waited a moment, tapping his fingers on the box before grabbing a second box.

“Think we should get another one? Like the one with the lines?”  
“I can’t think right now, Buck.”  
“Okay.”

He picked up two more boxes and you swallowed.

“Bucky, I—“  
“Just hang on, okay? Let me pay for these and we’ll get a cab to my place.”

You nodded, exhaling when he grabbed your hand and led you to the checkout counter. He set the tests on the counter and you turned your back to the cashier, staring at the array of chocolate bars.

“Want a Sugar Daddy?”

You rolled your eyes, leaning into Bucky’s side and lightly elbowing him. He laughed, turning back and kissing your forehead. He paid for the tests, the cashier thankfully keeping her mouth shut. Bucky grabbed the bag and led you outside, hailing a cab and letting you inside before climbing in behind you. The driver seemed uninterested in the two of you and you gave a sigh as you leaned back in the seat. Bucky tapped your legs and you smiled as you shifted in the seat, putting your legs in his lap. He began kneading your calves and you sighed.

“What are we going to do, Buck?”  
“How about we quote my mother and don’t borrow trouble until we need to?”

You sighed again, turning your head to look out the window.

“What if it’s positive?”

You kept your voice low enough that the driver couldn’t hear. Bucky sighed, moving his hands up to just behind your knees.

“We’ll deal with it.”  
“How?”  
“Y/N.”

You settled back against the seat, closing your eyes. Bucky continued to massage your legs, and after a moment, he spoke softly.

“Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it. Positive or negative, it’ll all work out.”  
“How can you be so sure?”  
“Because I know you, and I think I know me. And we’re different than we used to be. We’re adults now.”  
“Compared to the pre-teens we were a year ago?”

You squealed when Bucky pinched your leg and you laughed. He smiled at you.

“You know what I mean.”

You nodded, glancing out the window again, sighing as you leaned back and watched the world pass by.

* * *

 

You followed Bucky into his house, kicking your shoes off at the door. He carried the bag into the bathroom, scratching his head as he turned back to you. You blinked, shrugging your shoulders.

“I, uh … I’ve heard that it’s best to do it right when you wake up. When I wake up. God, this is awkward.”

Bucky laughed, stepping closer to you and kissing your forehead before he wrapped you in his arms. You blinked at the sudden rush of tears to your eyes, linking your arms behind him, laying your hands on his shoulders.

“Buck, I’m scared.”  
“Of what?”

You shook your head, putting your face in his shoulder. He sighed, tightening his arms around you.

“It’s going to be okay, baby. I promise.”  
“How? How can you promise that?”  
“I just can.”

You gave a laugh, moving from him and pushing a hand through your hair.

“Bucky, this is a huge—“  
“Possibility.”

You turned and met his eyes and he shrugged.

“It’s a possibility until we see the results of the test.”  
“And what if it’s positive?”  
“What if it’s negative?”

You gave a harsh laugh.

“Bucky!”  
“What? I’m being serious! You’re so sure this is happening, but we won’t know for sure until the morning. Why freak out like you’re doing until there’s a reason to?”  
“Because.”

He shook his head, laughing softly.

“Babe.”  
“Humor me. What are we going to do if it’s positive? What are we going to do if I’m pregnant?”  
“We’ll get married and you can quit your job, move into my house and I’ll spend the rest of my life taking care of you and whoever else might come along.”

Your eyes were wide and your mouth was slightly open. Bucky glanced at you, then sighed.

“Close your mouth, at least.”  
“Are you serious?”

He nodded, stepping to you and taking your hands.

“I know I should be freaking out. I know that this isn’t something we planned or even talked about. But … I don’t know.”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s not like I don’t want kids. I do. I mean, I think I do.”  
“With me?”

He smiled at you.

“Yeah.”

You could swear your heart skipped a beat. He looked down and gave your hands a squeeze then met your eyes.

“If you’re pregnant, then it’s going to be okay. We’ll figure it out. If you’re not … then you know it’s on the table.”

He leaned over, catching your lips with his and kissing you gently. You removed your hands from his, moving to lay them on either side of his face, ignoring the way the stubble on his cheeks gently tickled your palms. After a moment, Bucky leaned back to rest his forehead on yours. You kept your eyes closed, moving your hands from his face to his shoulders. You gave a shaky breath, speaking softly.

“It’s a lot to take in.”  
“I know. I’m sorry for springing it on you, but … it just kind of came to me.”

You nodded, pulling back and looking up at him. He smiled, reaching a hand to gently touch your hair.

“Let’s go to bed.”

You swallowed and nodded, Bucky taking your hand and leading you down the hall to his bedroom.

* * *

 

“Are you asleep?”

You gave a soft giggle.

“No.”  
“Me either.”

Bucky huffed out a breath, rolling onto his back. You followed suite, rolling onto your side and resting your head on his shoulder. The clock on his bedside table was glowing in the dark, just after one A.M. You glanced up at Bucky, who was staring at the ceiling.

“Are you ready to freak out now?”

Bucky sighed.

“Kind of.”  
“Go ahead.”

He sighed again.

“Would you want to get married? I mean, I know it’s kind of old-fashioned, but…”  
“Well, I … I don’t know if I want to get married just because we’re having a baby.”  
“Maybe having a baby.”

You smiled.

“Maybe baby.”

Bucky wrapped an arm around you, slowly dragging his fingers up and down your arm.

“But you’d move back in here?”

You felt a tickle in your throat as he kept talking.

“I mean, I just … I think it would be easier on us. More space here. I know you like your apartment, but—“  
“Where would I put a baby? In a drawer in the kitchen?”

Bucky laughed.

“No offense, honey, but I don’t want you accidentally cooking my child.”  
“I wouldn’t put it in the oven! Jesus. Have some faith in me.”

Bucky laughed again, rolling to his side and embracing you with both arms. You closed your eyes and gave a deep exhale.

“We never even talked about kids before.”  
“Never?”

You shook your head and Bucky let you go, staying on his side. You stayed on yours, head resting on his pillow as the two of you stared at each other.

“You’d be a good mom.”

You smiled.

“I had a good teacher.”

Bucky smiled and you sighed.

“Speaking of which … she knows.”

He narrowed his eyes and you continued.

“About us. I didn’t tell her; she figured it out.”  
“Does your dad know?”

You shook your head and Bucky breathed a sigh of relief. You gave a soft laugh and shoved his shoulder.  

“Mom hasn’t told him. Probably would be best to hear it from me.”  
“Definitely not me. I’m surprised he hasn’t hunted me down and dropped me in the Hudson or something.”  
“Well, not really for lack of trying.”

Bucky gave a shiver and you laughed, scooting closer to him. He automatically laid a hand on your hip and you sighed.

“I can’t stop thinking about my mom.”

Bucky didn’t say anything and you sighed again.

“I just … I don’t want her to be disappointed in me.”  
“Why would she be disappointed in you?”

You blinked back the tears that were prickling at the corners of your eyes.

“Because she wanted me to be different than her.”  
“Y/N. Hey.”

You sighed, rolling to your back and closing your eyes. Bucky slid closer to you, staying on his side, propping his head on his hand.

“This is nowhere near what your mom went through.”

You didn’t say anything, and he went on.

“Babe, she was … what, sixteen?”  
“Fifteen.”  
“She had you when she was fifteen. You’re almost double that.”  
“Thanks, Grandpa. That makes me feel so much better.”

Bucky groaned as he wrapped a hand around your hip and slid you closer to him.

“Your mom was in high school. You’re done with that bullshit.”

You couldn’t help but smile as he went on.

“You’ve got a stable job, a place of your own. If you were to have a baby right now, it would be okay. Plus, you’ve got a good support system with your family and friends.”

He looked down at his hands.

“And me.”

You looked to him, reaching to lay your hand against his cheek, waiting a while until he met your eyes. He started to say something, shaking his head instead.

“What?”

He shook his head again, leaning forward and pressing his lips to yours. You laid your other hand on his face, pulling him closer and rolling to your back. He moved to hover over you, and you moved to slide your hands under his T-shirt.

“Baby.”  
“Shh. Just kiss me.”

Bucky nodded, dipping his head to do just what you wanted.

* * *

 

You lay awake in the bed, your back to Bucky’s chest, wrapped in his arms. You stared at the nightstand, watching the red numbers on the clock morph as the minutes passed by. You’d slept for a little while, but as soon as the sun began shining through the window, you woke up. Part of you wanted to wake Bucky up and get it over with, but another, more insistent part wanted to drag it out. He’d wake up soon enough.

Your mind swirled with everything the two of you had talked about the night before. He was taking the whole thing a lot better than you were expecting. You’d been waiting for him to yell, for the inevitable blow-up that you’d gotten used to over a year ago.

You hadn’t been expecting him to be as … okay with it as he was.

You closed your eyes, shifting slightly in the bed. Bucky mumbled something, making you smile, and you gave a deep exhale. Bucky pulled you closer and you opened your eyes again, staring at the wall.

You hated to wake him up, but you just couldn’t wait anymore.

“Buck? Hey, Bucky.”

He mumbled again, trying to pull you even closer, and you gave a soft laugh.

“Buck, wake up.”  
“Hmm.”  
“Come on, big guy. We’ve got things to do this morning.”

You gently scratched your nails along the back of his hand that was wrapped around your torso. You felt his breath catch, a second before he gave a quiet groan.

“I’m up. I’m up.”

You swallowed at how deep his voice seemed in the morning. He yawned, letting go of you and moving to sit on the side of the bed. He shook his head and you sat up, crawling to wrap your arms around him from behind. Bucky lifted a hand to hold your wrist, giving a deep exhale.

“You ready?”

You shook your head and he gave a soft laugh.

“It’s going to be okay, baby. One way or another.”

You nodded, and Bucky ducked his head to kiss your hand.

“Come on. Let’s do this.”

You swallowed, unraveling your arms from him and sitting back on your knees. He stood up and stretched, yawning again as he walked out of the room. You licked your lips, shifting to sit Indian-style on the bed. You stared at your hands and he walked back into the room, the bag from last night’s visit to the drugstore in his hands. He opened it and looked inside as he spoke.

“You should do more than one, you think?”

You nodded, feeling your cheeks warm.

“A box? Or … like one from each box?”  
“I guess. I don’t …”

You sighed, lifting a hand to push it through your hair. Bucky tossed the bag to the bed beside you, holding a box in each hand. He juggled them as he opened each of them, taking a test out of each box and handing it to you. You took a deep breath and stared at the tests in your hands. You lifted your eyes to his and he winked at you. You rolled your eyes, smiling as you climbed out of the bed. You walked to stand in front of him and he nodded at you before he quickly kissed you. You took another deep breath, holding it before letting it out slowly as you walked past him, going down the hall to the bathroom and locking the door behind you.

* * *

 

You found Bucky in the kitchen, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. He looked to you and you motioned with your thumb back down the hall.

“Five minutes should be enough time, you think?”  
“What did the box say?”  
“Three to five.”

Bucky nodded and you blew out a breath. You walked over to him and he smiled as you put your face in his chest. He set his coffee down on the counter, wrapping both of his muscles arms around you.

“I’ve got you.”  
“I’m terrified. Like I’m so scared, I could throw up right now.”  
“Well, don’t.”

You gave a laugh, shaking your head. Bucky moved to rest his head atop yours and gave a shaky breath.

“What did I tell you? Huh? Whatever those tests say, it’s going to be okay. If you’re pregnant, we’ll figure it out. If not, we’ll be more careful in the future.”  
“Buck, we’re not ready for a baby.”  
“Why not?”

You leaned back, looking up at him.

“Because we can barely navigate us right now.”  
“Speak for yourself.”

You stepped away from him, pushing a hand through your hair. Bucky shook his head, taking hold of your other hand.

“Look at me.”

You did, and he smiled at you.

“I know what I want. It took me a while to figure it out, and God knows I took the bumpiest road I could to get there, but …”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“For some reason, you gave me another chance. And I am prepared to spend the rest of my life proving to you that was a good idea.”

You stared at him and he shrugged again.

“I know you’re keeping yourself guarded from me. I don’t really blame you. But, baby. Please hear me when I say that I am here, no matter what those tests say.”

You blinked, swallowing as you stepped over to him, closing your eyes as he wrapped you in his arms again. You heard the alarm on your phone go off and you dug your nails into his back. Bucky nodded, holding you tighter, turning his head and kissing your temple. You stepped back from him, but kept hold of his hand, leading him down the hall to the bathroom.

You turned your phone off, licking your dry lips as you stared at the tests. You felt Bucky gently massage your shoulders and you nodded. You reached over and picked up one of the tests, staring down at it.


	10. Dancing in the Dark

“Babe. You’re killing me here. What’s it say?”

You lifted your eyes from the test in your hand and looked at Bucky. He blinked, eyebrows raising as he waited for you to speak. You swallowed, looking back down at the test.

“It’s negative.”

You looked up to see him blink, and you showed him the test, the digital readout proclaiming  _“Not Pregnant.”_  You picked up the other one, only one line visible. Bucky moved to look over your shoulder and you gave a shaky laugh.

“It’s negative.”

He smiled, leaning to kiss your cheek as you laughed again. You set the test down and turned around, throwing your arms around him. He hugged you tightly and you slid your fingers through his hair.

“This is a relief.”  
“I know.”

You leaned back, kissing his cheek.

“Let’s go somewhere for lunch. I’ll buy.”

Bucky laughed.

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

You kissed his cheek again, pecking him on the lips before leaving the bathroom and heading to take a shower. Bucky stood there, watching you go, and when you were out of sight, he turned back to the tests. He stared at both of them, the negatives, wondering why exactly he felt like someone had ripped his heart from his chest.

* * *

 

“Hey, Doc.”

Bucky lifted his head, seeing Steve sprawled in the chair across from him. He blinked and Steve cocked an eyebrow.

“Where are you today?”

Bucky groaned, putting his face in his hands. He shook his head, tucking his hair behind his ears. He sighed and Steve moved to sit up straighter.

“Hey. Talk to me. What’s up?”

Bucky waved a hand and Steve shook his head.

“No, come on. Talk to me. Something’s seriously bothering you. What is it?”

Bucky stood up, walking around his desk and shutting the door to his office. He leaned against it for a minute, then walked back to his chair. He stared at the papers strewn across his desk, finally lifting his head and exhaling as he looked at Steve.

“Y/N thought she was pregnant.”  
“Whoa,  _what_?”

Bucky nodded, and Steve blinked as he leaned forward.

“Are you kid—Bucky. What the fuck?”  
“Calm down. She’s not.”

Steve held up his hands.

“Seriously?! Dude, lead with that next time!”

Bucky smiled, exhaling as he shook his head. Steve tilted his head to the side, licking his lips before he spoke.

“So … Y/N thought she was pregnant. False alarm, but why aren’t you rejoicing about that?”

Bucky shrugged and Steve huffed out a breath.

“No, come on. Use your words, you animal.”

Bucky glared at him and Steve smiled. Bucky leaned back in his chair and glanced out the window as he spoke.

“I feel … I don’t know if ‘disappointed’ is the right word, but …”

He sighed.

“I know I’m not ready to be a dad. Can you imagine? I mean, how fucked up would that kid be?”

He shook his head.

“But I … I don’t know, Steve. When she showed me the test and it was negative …”

He shrugged his shoulders again.

“I wasn’t happy like I thought I’d be. She was happy. She was relieved. And I know that I should have been too, because we’re not ready for that. But I … I don’t know.”  
“You want to have kids with Y/N.”

Bucky blinked, a soft smile coming to his lips.

“Yeah, I guess I do.”  
“Buck, that’s a major—“  
“I want to marry her, Steve.”

Steve went still, and Bucky shrugged his shoulders.

“I do. I hate it when we’re not together. When she’s at her place and I’m at mine, I can barely sleep. When she’s with me, I sleep all night. Better than I have in years.”  
“No more nightmares?”

Bucky sighed.

“Not lately. And I know it’s because of her. She … calms me. She makes me want to be better. She makes me hate myself from a year ago for ever letting her go.”  
“But you’ve got her now.”

Bucky smiled.

“I do. For some reason I’ll never understand, she gave me another chance. And I am determined not to fuck this up. Not again. I know she still doesn’t trust me, but I’m working on that. I’ll wait as long as she needs. But I … Steve, I love her, and I’m going to marry that girl.”

Steve let out a laugh, jumping to his feet and rounding the desk. He grabbed Bucky’s scrub top and lifted him up, wrapping him in a hug. Bucky shook his head, a wide smile on his lips as he embraced Steve just as tightly.

* * *

 

“So the banquet is tonight, and we’re all going. Will your parents be there?”

You shook your head, staring at the mirrors and twisting to the side, studying the gold sequined gown you were wearing.

“Mom said Abby had a full-out meltdown when they mentioned it. Begged them not to get a sitter, begged them not to go. It was the ‘Daddy, please don’t leave me’ that really sealed the deal.”  
“Oh my god, what’s that about?”

You shrugged, as Natasha stepped out of her dressing room in a red dress. You made a face and she nodded at you.

“I thought so, but I just wanted to double-check.”  
“Hideous.”

Natasha laughed.

“Yours is cute.”  
“I feel like it washes me out.”  
“Hmm, maybe a little.”

She looked at herself in the mirror and made a face.

“Nope.”

You laughed, following her back into your side-by-side  dressing rooms. You started removing the dress when you heard Natasha’s voice.

“Anyway, back to Abby.”  
“I don’t know. Mom thinks she’s having a little separation anxiety or something. It’s not like they leave them all that much. Pop got the partying out of his system a long time ago, you know?”

Natasha didn’t answer, so you went on, talking as you slipped on a sapphire-colored gown.

“Pretty much all Abby does is go to preschool and ballet. Anything else, they’re all together. Mom said Gray tried to calm her down, telling her he wouldn’t let anyone hurt her, but she just kept crying. So Mom thought it would be better if they stayed home. Have a family movie night or something.”  
“So you’ll be representing.”

You swallowed.

“Guess so. Hey, can you help zip me up?”  
“Yeah, sure. Give me a second though, because this pink thing is not going over my boobs.”

You laughed, keeping your back to the curtain that acted as a door. You felt the rustle as it opened and Natasha slid the zipper up the back of your dress.

“Here, help me.”  
“I thought you said pink wasn’t—“  
“It’s not. This one is hunter green.”  
“Emerald, Nat.”  
“Oh, whatever.”

You laughed, zipping her up. The two of you walked to the stands in front of the mirrors and your eyes widened.

“Oh, wow.”

Natasha was wearing a long-sleeved, velvet emerald green dress that seemed to be molded to her figure. When she turned, showcasing that the dress was backless, the dress seemed to glow. Your dress was sapphire blue and sleeveless, with a sweetheart neckline. Both dresses went to the floor, Natasha’s smooth and shiny, yours covered in sequins or jewels or something that made you sparkle and shine when the light hit.

“Honey, we look damn good.”

You let out a breath, turning and studying the gown.

“I have to say … I kind of agree with you.”  
“These are the ones. Clint and Bucky ain’t gonna know what hit them.”

You laughed, laying a hand to your chest. Natasha stepped off of the platform, heading back for the dressing room.

“I think we need to just look at some shoes, don’t you?”  
“Nat?”  
“Hmm?”  
“I quit my job this morning.”

Her eyes widened as she stopped in her tracks. She looked back, then scurried over to you and took your hands.

“What the hell, Y/N?! Why didn’t you tell me?!”  
“I just did.”  
“I mean why didn’t you tell me before now?! We’ve been trying on damn dresses for an hour!”

You sighed.

“I don’t know. I’ve been ruminating.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and you smiled. She looked back at you and squeezed your hands.

“Are you alright?”

You nodded.

“I think so.”  
“What happened?”

You sighed, keeping hold of her hand as you stepped off the platform. The two of you walked over to a couple of chairs, sitting down. Natasha immediately took both of your hands again.

“I have this intern, Peter Parker.”

Natasha nodded.

“He’s so sweet, and so smart. He’s been dabbling in different projects I’ve been in on, stuff like that.”  
“More than just fetching coffee?”

You smiled.

“Yes. Well, we had this big project due last week. I completely slipped on the date and had absolutely nothing ready the night before. Peter comes in and has this amazing project all mapped out on a PowerPoint, wants me to present it as my own. I wouldn’t; I made him do it instead and he was amazing.”

Natasha smiled and nodded at you to continue.

“Well, I went today to talk to the bosses about moving Peter out of the intern program and into a real spot in the company.”

You looked down at yours and Natasha’s hands as she gently spoke.

“And?”  
“And they practically laughed at me. Said if they did it for him, they’d need to do it for everyone, and I just … What’s the point of an internship program if not to keep the best ones for yourself?”

Natasha shook her head and you sighed.

“I kept pushing for it, and they said there were no open positions. I thought Peter was good enough for us to make another position for him and one of the bosses joked and said if he was that good, maybe they should give him my job.”  
“Y/N.”

You shook your head.

“I knew I’d only gotten hired there because of Pop. I mean, not only because of him, but … mostly. And I … I don’t know. I told them that if it came down to me losing my job so Peter would have a chance to learn and grow and thrive, then I would gladly give it up. I guess they thought I was bluffing. I mean, it’s not like I need it. I just—“  
“Y/N.”

You turned your head and Natasha gave you a smile. You shrugged your shoulders.

“I walked out of the boardroom and went to HR. Gave my two weeks notice, which was overriden by the boss that hates me anyway.”  
“Oh, honey.”  
“So now I’m unemployed.”

You looked to her and smiled, blinking a few times to try and abate the tears that were threatening.

“Buck’s always said I could come and work with him, so—“

Your sentence was cut off when Natasha leaned over and wrapped you in a hug. You closed your eyes, hugging her back.

“I’m so proud of you.”  
“Really?”

Natasha leaned back, looking into your eyes as she spoke.

“Absolutely. You stood up for something you really believe in. That’s amazing. Not too many people would have the guts to do such a thing.”  
“I just hope it wasn’t for nothing.”

Natasha nodded.

“I have a feeling it won’t be. If your dad gets wind of it—“  
“Which, you know he will. He’s got eyes and ears everywhere.”

Natasha nodded again.

“Don’t fret, my love. We can worry about your employment status later. Let’s just enjoy tonight and bask in the relaxation unemployment can bring.”

You laughed.

“I should hang around you more often.”

* * *

 

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, glancing up and smiling at the girl looking over your shoulder. You shook your head.

“Wanda, this … you’re a magician.”

Wanda gave a husky laugh, waving her multi-ringed fingers.

“Not magician. Witch, I may be more inclined to talk.”

You laughed. You straightened up, studying the seemingly complicated updo that your hair was in, the way your makeup looked natural, yet dramatic.

“The eyes will pop more with your dress. The lips … stunning.”

You smiled, turning to face her.

“You never disappoint.”  
“Beauty is my job,  _Édesem_. It helps with a wonderful canvas like yours.”

You rolled your eyes, accepting the kisses Wanda pressed to each of your cheeks. She began gathering her tools and you walked to your purse.

“Is it extra for the updo?”  
“No charge tonight.”

You looked to her, raising an eyebrow. She smiled.

“Your father called me. Wanted to give you a gift for going in his place tonight.”

You rolled your eyes, a soft smile on your face.

“Charge him extra.”

Wanda laughed and winked at you.

“I’ll make sure and include myself a hefty tip.”

You laughed.

“Thanks again, Wanda.”

She wiggled her fingers at you as she continued to pack her stuff up. You walked to your closet and stared up at the gown. You had a pair of silver heels you were going to wear, and you were already wearing the lingerie you wanted under your short, silky robe. Wanda cleared her throat and you glanced over your shoulder at her.

“I can help?”

You smiled, giving her a nod.

“Thank you.”

* * *

 

Bucky glanced at his watch, blowing out a breath. Steve rolled his eyes beside him, smoothing a hand down the front of his own tux.

“Would you relax? We look too good for you to be this stressed.”  
“I’m not stressed. I just … she insisted on meeting me here. Why couldn’t I just pick her up?”  
“Maybe she wanted to make an entrance.”

Bucky looked over to Steve, who shrugged his shoulders as he slid his hands in his pants pockets. Bucky smoothed a hand down the front of his jacket, shaking his head. Steve glanced at the staircase that was the entrance to the ballroom and gave a low whistle. Bucky followed his gaze, eyes widening when he saw Natasha and Clint.

“Shit, she looks gorgeous.”  
“Jealous you couldn’t get her and Clint did?”  
“Who said I couldn’t?”

Steve’s eyes were wide when they met Bucky’s. Bucky shook his head.

“I mean, I  _didn’t_ , but that doesn’t mean I  _couldn’t_.”

Steve rolled his eyes and Bucky smiled. He and Steve both leaned forward and kissed Natasha’s cheek when she and Clint reached them. Bucky tried to be nonchalant as he glanced back at the staircase and Natasha bit her lip as she smiled.

“Looking for something?”  
“Hmm?” 

Bucky met her gaze, saw the knowing in her eyes. He let out a breath and shook his head.

“She wouldn’t let me pick her up.”  
“Oh, she’s the family rep for the night.”  
“What?! You mean she’s out there with the press right now?”  
“Calm down. She can take care of herself.”

Bucky blew out a breath and Clint stepped forward.

“You really think I’d leave her to fend for herself with those wolves?”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and Clint smiled.

“She was right behind us. Which, if her family’s flair for the dramatics has taught us anything, should mean she should be coming through the door any …”

A hush fell over the crowd as the door at the top of the stairs opened. An audible intake of breath swept through the room as you came into view and Steve stepped up, eyes wide.

“Dear God.”

Bucky blinked, watching as you began making your way down the stairs. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, and when your eyes met his, he started moving forward. It was like his body was moving of its own accord, drawn to you like a magnet. He pushed through the small crowd that had gathered, slowly jogging up the stairs until he came to a stop on the step below yours. You gave him a smile and he held out a hand to you, and you breathed a sigh of relief as you put your hand in his, gripping him tightly. You stepped down to his level and smiled up at him.

“Thank you.”  
“My god, you look … stunning.”

You glanced down, then back up, smiling when you met his eyes again.

“This old thing?”

He grinned, leaning forward and gently pressing his lips to your cheek. He moved your hand to link it through his arm and you gave another breath of relief as the two of you made your way down the rest of the stairs.

You gave a shaky breath when the crowd began buzzing again, feeling the tension drain from your shoulders when Steve took both of your hands, twirling you around.

“Damn, girl. I just …”  
“Congratulations, Y/N. You struck the boy speechless.”

You winked at Clint, closing your eyes when Steve leaned in and kissed your cheek. He whispered in your ear before he pulled back.

“Save a dance for me.”  
“Always.”

You smiled at him, seeing the twinkle in his eye as he squeezed your hand. Bucky stepped up behind you, laying a hand against the small of your back, handing a glass of champagne over your shoulder. You smiled over your shoulder at him, taking the glass and sipping it, giving a shaky exhale.

“You okay?”

You lifted your head, finding Bucky’s eyes on you. You smiled at him.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”  
“Liar.”

You glared at Natasha, who sipped her champagne and lifted her shoulder. Bucky moved to stand in front of you and you sighed, handing your clutch to Clint, who nodded and took Natasha’s purse along with yours to lock it away. You met Bucky’s blue eyes and gave him a smile.

“I am fine. I promise. I just … a bunch of crap’s piling up.”

Bucky took a step closer to you, speaking low.

“Do you want to ditch this dog and pony show?”

You laughed, setting your now-empty glass aside and taking hold of his arms.

“Thank you, but no. I have come to dance and spend some of Pop’s money. Let’s find some hideous piece of art in the silent auction and send it to him.”

Bucky smiled, eyebrows bouncing, making you laugh again. You slid your arm through his, leaning into him as the two of you walked into the room where the auctions were being held.

* * *

 

You laughed with Clint while Steve twirled Natasha around the dance floor. You sipped from another glass of champagne, feeling the effects of the alcohol in your system. You were far from drunk, but you were feeling loose and relaxed. Bucky came up beside you, finishing off the beer he’d been carrying.

“How you feeling?”

You smiled at him, reaching for his hand.

“I’m good. You?”  
“Never better.”  
“I think you lie.”

Bucky smiled, linking his fingers through yours. You set your champagne down as Steve and Natasha came back to your little group, wide smiles on their faces. The music changed, the familiar, slow beat of Ed Sheeran coming through the speakers.

“Dance with me.”

Your eyes flew to Bucky’s. He was already walking backwards, leading you onto the dance floor. You started to protest, but felt your feet move to follow him. He pulled you close, wrapping an arm around your waist, beginning to slowly sway to the music.

_I found a love for me_   
_Darlin’, just dive right in._   
_Follow my lead._   
_I found a girl_   
_Beautiful and sweet._   
_I never knew you were_   
_The someone waiting for me._

_‘Cause we were just kids when we_   
_Fell in love,_   
_Not knowing what it was_   
_I will not give you up this time._   
_Darling, just kiss me slow._   
_Your heart is all I own,_   
_And in your eyes you’re holding mine._

You closed your eyes, leaning in closer, putting your chin on Bucky’s shoulder. He leaned his head to rest it against yours, murmuring softly, where only you could hear him.

“I’ve got you, baby.”  
“Buck.”  
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.”

You squeezed your eyes closed at the sudden rush of tears, the feeling that you wanted to break down sobbing. Bucky’s hands moved to push you closer to him and you gave a shaky sigh.

He’d never wanted to dance with you before. When you were with him previously, he’d roll his eyes, the sneer on his face and the words from his mouth making you feel stupid for even wanting to dance in the first place. So you didn’t, and you ignored the yearning in your heart for someone to hold you closely and twirl you around the floor.

And yet, here you were, encased between Bucky’s arms, swaying to the music like you were the only two in the room.

_We are still kids,_   
_But we’re so in love,_   
_Fighting against all odds,_   
_I know we’ll be alright this time._   
_Darling, just hold my hand,_   
_Be my girl, I’ll be your man._   
_I see my future in your eyes._

You didn’t know what had happened, but it felt like the entire dynamic between you and Bucky had shifted. He pressed his lips to your temple and you shivered.

“Are you cold?”

You looked up at him, shaking your head.

“Just …”  
“You can talk to me, you know. I can be a pretty good listener.”

You smiled.

“I know. I just … I don’t want to think about it right now.”

Bucky nodded.

“Then don’t.”

You sucked in a breath, laughing softly when Bucky twirled you, then brought you closer to him. You closed your eyes as you let your head rest against his chest, the steady thump of his heartbeat soothing your troubled soul. As the song came to an end, Bucky spoke softly.

“You do look perfect tonight, Y/N. Absolutely beautiful. Absolutely … everything.”

You lifted your head, looking into his crystal blue eyes. You blinked, hearing the music pick up, seeing the people beginning to fill the dance floor again. You took hold of Bucky’s hands, squeezing them until he bent his head, putting his ear at your mouth.

“Take me home.”

He leaned back to meet your eyes, then nodded. He kept hold of one of your hands and made the way back to your group. He murmured that he would go and get your bag, and he was gone. You gave a shaky breath and turned, wide eyes finding Steve’s. He stepped over to you and you wrapped your arms around him, putting your face in his chest.

“Hey. Hey, what is it? You okay?”  
“I don’t … I don’t know.”  
“Come on, honey. Look at me.”

You lifted your head and Steve cupped your face in his hands.

“You’re white as a ghost. What happened?”

You shook your head, reaching a hand up and gripping Steve’s wrist. He turned you towards the door, placing his hand on the small of your back, gently pushing you forward, forcing you to put one foot in front of the other until you were outside.

You gasped, gulping in as big of a breath of the fresh air as you could get. You closed your eyes and put your hands on your hips, feeling your lips tremble as you focused on breathing in and out. You turned around and gasped when Bucky was in front of you, your clutch in one of his hands.

“Breathe.”

You nodded, letting him take hold of your hands and press them against his chest.

“Feel that? Focus on it. Match your breathing to mine.”  
“I—“  
“Shh. Don’t talk. Just breathe.”

You nodded, closing your eyes as you felt his steady heartbeat. You felt the tension drain out of you, until you could breathe normally again and you felt your breath come easier. You blinked open your eyes, seeing the worried blue orbs staring down at you. You smiled, giving a shaky sigh.

“Thank you.”  
“You okay?”

You nodded, waving a hand towards the building behind the two of you.

“Too many people. I felt like the walls were closing in on me all of a sudden.”

Bucky nodded, stepping forward and cupping your cheek in his hand, bringing his lips to yours. You moved one hand to cup his face, sighing and closing your eyes when his lips move to rest against your forehead.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

A soft smile played at your lips before you nodded. You lifted your head to meet his eyes.

“Let’s get out of here.”

Bucky grinned, nodding at you before taking your hand and walking to the line of taxis waiting.

* * *

 

You stepped into Bucky’s bedroom and gave a deep sigh. You walked to the dresser and began taking off the heavy earrings you had worn, rubbing your earlobes as you set them on the dresser. Bucky walked up behind you and nuzzled your neck, and you smiled as he wrapped his arms around your waist. You laid your hands on top of his, closing your eyes as you leaned against him.

“You looked so beautiful tonight.”  
“Thank you.”  
“I mean, this dress …”

He unwrapped his hands from your waist, slowly smoothing them down your sides, gently caressing the material and inadvertently, your skin beneath it. Your eyes drifted shut and you gave a shaky breath when his hands slowly made their way back up, fingers playing over your breasts. Bucky slid his hands back to your hips, resting them there, leaning in and pressing soft kisses to your shoulder, making his way to your neck.

“Do you … you know what I thought when I … put this dress on?”  
“Hmm?”

He began slowly sucking at the place where your neck and shoulder met, holding you still when your body started to arch away from him. You opened your eyes, realizing the two of you were still standing in front of his dresser, but more importantly, the big mirror next to it. You waited a beat, until Bucky lifted his head and met your eyes in the mirror.

“How good it would feel to have you take it off.”

Desire flashed through his eyes as he lowered his head, his teeth gently pressing into your skin. You gave a soft cry, lifting your hand to tangle in his hair and hold him where he was. His hands slid up your torso, coming around to the back of the dress, easily finding the zipper. He lifted his head and you watched in the mirror as he ever so slowly slid the zipper down.

The dress pooled at your feet, and you took the hand he offered, stepping out of it and watching him look at you. He bit his lip as his eyes dragged from the silver heels you wore up to the grey lingerie that almost matched your shoes. He met your eyes in the mirror and he shook his head.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”  
“Buck.”  
“I mean it. I’ve seen a lot of things, but baby … nothing compares to you.”

You blinked back the tears that wanted to come to your eyes and you shook your head.

“Come here.”

He gave you one of those crooked smiles, moving to turn you around and take you in his arms. His lips lowered to yours and you gave a soft moan, plunging your hands into his soft hair. His hands slowly slid up and down your body, making you shiver when his nails drifted from silk to skin. You gasped when he undid the class on your bra, breaking the kiss to watch him as the bra hit the floor. He stared at your breasts, finally leaning in and taking a nipple into his mouth, his warm hand moving to palm your other breast. You moaned, shaking your head, speaking breathily.

“You … you’re still dressed.”

Bucky lifted his head, a smile on his face. He leaned closer to you, and you closed your eyes as he whispered against your lips.

“Why don’t you do something about that?”

You nodded as his lips met yours, and you moaned into the kiss, pushing the jacket off of his shoulders. His bow tie hit the floor next, and he held his hands against your hips, lips never leaving yours as you painstakingly unbuttoned his shirt. You pulled away and looked at him the same way he looked at you, running your fingers down his abdomen as he groaned softly. You left his shirt open, taking hold of the lapels and pulling him closer, kissing him as your fingers trailed up and down his sides.

You gasped as his strong hands gripped your hips, effortlessly picking you up and laying you on the bed. You stared up at him as he shook the shirt off his wide shoulders, putting his forearms on either side of your head and bending to press his lips to yours.

Your hands slid into his hair, making him groan when your nails scratched at his scalp. He began kissing his way down your body, hands cupping your breasts as his lips trailed down your stomach. You gasped when you felt his fingers take hold of your panties, lifting your legs to help him slide them off. You turned your head, closing your eyes and pressing your cheek into the pillow as he pushed your knees apart, entire body jolting when you felt his hot breath against your damp folds.

“Baby.”

You glanced down, meeting Bucky’s eyes. He gave you a wicked grin and your head fell back as his tongue snaked between your folds. Your hands slid into his hair as his plump lips encircled your clit, and you groaned. That only seemed to spur him on, and in what could have been an embarrassingly short time, you were writhing on the bed, Bucky’s hands holding your hips steady, a soundless cry leaving your lips as you came.

You were panting as Bucky slid back up to kiss you, the taste of you on his lips only making you moan, body still trembling with aftershocks. Bucky lifted his head to look down at you, trailing his fingers down your cheek.

“I’ve wanted to do that since the minute you started walking down those stairs.”

You shook your head, still barely able to catch your breath. You started to reach a hand down, but he took hold of your wrist, shaking his head.

“Not tonight. I won’t be able to handle it.”

You nodded, holding his face in your hands as he kissed your lips. He pulled away and leaned over you, pulling open his bedside table, and you pushed your hands through your only slightly messed-up hair. Wanda really was a magician.

You reached for the condom Bucky held between his fingers and he laughed as he held it just out of your reach.

“I’m on a hair-trigger as it is, doll.”

You bit your lip, a smile on your face. You leaned back against the pillows, taking in a deep breath and exhaling in a sigh. Bucky shook his head as he looked down at you.

“You really are so beautiful.”

You felt your cheeks warm and he stood up from the bed, pushing his pants and boxers off, rolling the condom on. He turned back to you and you held out a hand. He took it and you crawled off the bed, pushing him onto it, watching his eyes flash even bluer as realization hit him.

You straddled his hips, taking hold of his cock and sinking down onto it, both of you holding your breath until your thighs were resting on his.

“Fuck, baby.”

He dragged out the word, eyes screwed shut, teeth bared. You shook your head, moving to rest your hands against his chest. You swiveled your hips and the two of you groaned, one of Bucky’s hands moving to grip your wrist. You moved your hand to lace your fingers with his, sucking in a breath as you began lifting yourself, then slowly sliding back down.

Bucky surged up, causing you to gasp when the new position pushed him even deeper. He wrapped his arms around you and you dug your fingers into his back. He just held you for a moment, leaning back just enough to look into your eyes. You stared into the pools of blue, quiet little hitched breaths leaving your lips at every heartbeat.

Bucky moved to lay you down, effortlessly sliding back into you, hands entwining with yours as he began a deep, thorough rhythm of his hips. You could feel it building again, that fire deep inside that sent delicious little sparks throughout your system. One of your hands slid into his hair, dipping down to cup his cheek, the stubble on his skin biting into your palm.

“Buck—“  
“I got you.”

Your head fell back as he pushed even deeper, and you moaned his name as his lips sucked a mark into your neck. Just when you felt yourself begin to tip over the edge, Bucky spoke.

“I love you. God.  _Fuck_. I love you so much.”

Your eyes flew open, only to close a second later as the fire you’d felt exploded through your senses. You couldn’t breathe or hear or see—you could only feel Bucky deep inside you, reaching the same peak you’d just catapulted from.

* * *

 

You lay in Bucky’s bed, his arms around you, his soft snores in your ear. It was dark and warm, the safest place you could be.

And you felt like you were suffocating.

You extricated yourself from his hold, silently grabbing your underwear from the floor and sliding it on. You dressed as quietly as you could, in a pair of leggings that you’d left in one of his drawers and one of Bucky’s t-shirts. You stumbled out of the bedroom, down to the kitchen where you dug a bottle of water out of his refrigerator and drank as much as you could. You held the bottle to your forehead, closing your eyes at the sudden onslaught of tears.

You lifted your head, seeing the tiny purse you’d carried to the banquet on the counter, and you opened it to find your phone. You swallowed as you dialed a number you’d long ago memorized, closing your eyes as you listened to the rings, before a familiar voice answered.

_“There’s only one person with this number who could be calling me at this hour.”_

You smiled, tears coming to your eyes.

“Yeah, it’s me.”  
 _“How are you, honey?”_

You pressed your lips together, shaking your head, even though the person on the other end of the line couldn’t see. You took in a shaky breath.

_“Are you okay?”_  
 _“_ I’m fine, I just … I think I need to come home.”  
 _“Yeah?”_

You sniffled as the tears started to fall.

“I need to see my mom.”  
 _“Sit tight. I’ll send a car, be there in an hour.”_  
 _“_ I’m not … I’m not at my apartment.”  
 _“Oh?”_

Curious, but not judging. He never had. You swallowed, putting a hand to your forehead.

“I’m at my old address. The house with …”  
 _“That will be a little bit longer of a drive, but we’ll get you soon.”_  
 _“_ Thank you.”  
 _“Just hang on, darlin’.”_

You nodded, hanging up the phone and putting your head in your hands.

* * *

 

You were sitting on the front steps, phone in your hands when the black SUV pulled up. The driver’s side door opened and your mouth fell open when you saw who stepped out. You stood up, rushing down the steps, shaking your head.

“I didn’t mean for  _you_ to come and get me.”  
“You think your Pops would let me hear the end of it if I sent someone else?”

You smiled, and so did he.

“It’s good to see you, baby girl.”

You felt the tears come to your eyes as you stepped into his embrace.

“It’s good to see you too, Happy.”

He patted your back, holding you until you could breathe on your own.

“Come on. If there’s no traffic, we can get you home by sunrise. Your Pops will die to have a cup of your coffee.”

You nodded, relaxing a bit when Happy kept his arm around you as you walked to the car, opening the door and closing it behind you. You laid your head against the seat, closing your eyes and taking in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Happy climbed in beside you, starting the vehicle and reaching over to pat your knee.

“Well be home soon, sunshine. Just relax.”

You nodded, turning your head and watching Bucky’s house get smaller and smaller as you drove away.


	11. Coming Home

You moved around the kitchen quietly, opening cabinets and finding the coffee, then the filters. You set everything on the counter and pulled your phone out of your pocket, swallowing when you saw Bucky’s face on the screen. You let it continue to ring, exhaling when the vibrating stopped.

You shook your head and went for the fridge, hanging your head when you felt the vibration start again. You poured yourself a glass of what you were sure was Abby’s chocolate milk, but you were banking on the fact that she wouldn’t mind sharing with you. You got the coffee started, then sat at one of the barstools, blowing out a breath when your phone began vibrating once again.

You stared at the screen, at Bucky’s face, and you closed your eyes.

“Might as well answer it, kid. He’s called the house twice and I intercepted the call before it woke everyone up.”

You nodded, pushing your hand through your hair.

“I’m sorry, Happy.”  
“Don’t be sorry, kid. Just …”

You glanced over your shoulder at him, and he tilted his head when he caught your eye.

“Is there a reason you’re running?”

You sighed.

“No. He’s … I don’t know. It’s not him. Not this time.”

Happy nodded, rolling his eyes when he pulled his phone from his pocket.

“Three times, babe.”  
“I’ll … I’ll talk to him.”  
“You don’t have to. I can get him to—“  
“No, I … I need to talk to him. And if I don’t, he’ll probably drive out here, so…”

Happy nodded, turning to leave.

“If you change your mind…”  
“Thanks, Hap.”

Happy stepped into the elevator and you swallowed as your phone began ringing again. You let out a breath, picking up the phone and sliding your finger across the screen before lifting it to your ear.

“Hey, Buck.”

His relieved exhale filled your ear.

_“Baby, are you okay? Where are you? I woke up and you were gone. Your dress is still here.”_  
“Yeah, I …”  
 _“Are you okay?”_

You stood up and walked to the bay of floor-to-ceiling windows, lifting a hand to press against the cool glass. You watched the sun begin to come up over the city and you blinked as tears began to gather in your eyes.

“Bucky, I …”  
 _“Where are you?”  
“_I’m at my mom’s.”  
 _“Are you okay?”_

You leaned forward, closing your eyes and resting your head against the window.

“I don’t know.”  
 _“Do you want me to come there?”_

Tears were slipping down your cheeks as you shook your head.

“I just … I think I need some time.”  
 _“Is … is this about what I said last night?”_  
“Buck—“  
 _“Because I meant it. I do love you, Y/N. It wasn’t just a … a heat of the moment thing or whatever.”_

You held a hand over your mouth, shaking your head. Bucky’s voice came back through the speaker and you fought to keep your legs under you.

_“You don’t have to say it back. I know I fucked up before, and I’m trying real hard not to do it again. So I … take all the time you need, but know that I’m going to be here waiting for you, okay?”_  
“Bucky.”  
 _“Please don’t cry. Not like this. Not where I can’t hold you.”_

You clenched your hand into a fist on the window and fought back a sob. You listened to Bucky’s breathing, until you could breathe again yourself. You opened your mouth, lips trembling.

“Please don’t give up on me.”  
 _“Oh, baby. Don’t worry about that. I love you, Y/N. I’ll be here, whatever you need.”_

You just nodded, then ended the call. You set the phone on the table near you with a shaky hand, then blinked your eyes open. The sun was almost completely up now, and you sniffled as you stared at the view.

“I thought I heard something. I hoped I was right, and …”

You turned back from the window, the tears on your cheeks sparkling in the sunlight. Your dad stood across the room from you, a soft smile on his face, hands in the pockets of the threadbare robe you’d gotten him years ago. He made a motion with his head and you walked forward, putting your face in his shoulder and crying as he wrapped you in his arms.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”  
“Pop.”  
“Shh. You’re okay. Everything’s alright now.”

You tightened your hold on him, and he closed his eyes as he let his head rest atop yours. After a few minutes, you pulled back, wiping your fingers over your cheeks, sniffling until your dad handed you a tissue. You motioned to the kitchen.

“I made coffee.”  
“And that’s why you’re my favorite.”  
“Pop!”  
“Don’t tell your brother or sister. But you’ve got a  _big_ chunk of the will.”

You rolled your eyes, and your dad put his arm over your shoulders, kissing your temple as the two of you walked into the kitchen. You went for the cups and grabbed one of the many “World’s Greatest Dad” mugs in the cabinet, the running gag that you sent him one on any occasion you could. You poured him some coffee, setting it before him as he sat on one of the barstools. You stood across the counter, taking your cup of chocolate milk he passed to you. After taking a sip and giving a pleased sigh, he met your eyes.

“You know how ecstatic I am that you’re here, right?”

You nodded and took a sip from your cup. He nodded, then spoke again.

“What are you doing here, kiddo?”

You let out a soft sigh, then looked down at the counter.

“Can I decompress for a while? I promise we’ll talk, I just … I’m tired, Pop.”  
“Yeah, yeah. Of course. Are you okay?”

You shrugged, looking down at your cup. He reached across the counter, taking hold of your wrist.

“Hey.”

You met his eyes and he spoke softly.

“Do I need to call somebody?”

You shook your head, and he gave your wrist a squeeze.

“Banner’s in town. He’d be happy to listen to you again.”

You smiled, moving to take hold of his hand.

“I think I’m okay, Pop. I just … a lot of stuff piled up on me at once and I just needed to breathe.”  
“So you come to the place with the twelve- and five-year-old. Smart idea.”

He rolled his eyes and you gave a soft laugh.

“I’ve missed them.”  
“Take them. Want to buy them? I’ll make you a super good deal.”

You laughed again, then leaned over the counter and gently punched his arm.

“You know you’d be lost without those babies.”  
“Those ‘babies’ have gone crazy here lately. Your mother does not get paid enough to deal with them.”

You snorted.

“She doesn’t get paid at all.”  
“What?! She needs to discuss that with upper management. Not getting paid for all she does is bullshit.”

You laughed.

“I’ll be sure and mention it to her.”  
“Not too loud, you know? I don’t want her thinking she needs to strike or something.”

You laughed again, walking around the counter and sitting in the seat beside him. He lifted a hand and touched one of the tendrils that had escaped the updo Wanda had done, that your hair was still holding.

“How was the gala?”

You nodded.

“It was fun. You may have a, uh … particularly grotesque piece of art coming in a few weeks.”  
“Seriously?! You did it again?!”

You laughed.

“You make me go by myself, that’s what you get.”

Your dad shook his head, a smile on his face.

“Ugly-ass art and ‘World’s Greatest Dad’ mugs. You, my peach, are a one of a kind gift-giver.”

You smiled, and he shook his head.

“God, I’ve missed you. It’s not the same without you here.”

You swallowed, keeping the smile on your face.

“I haven’t lived here in almost three years, Pop.”  
“I know. But still. The kiddos miss you. Your mom misses you. I have to be the rock, but I think I may miss you more than any of them.”

You stared at your cup and his hand came to rest on your shoulder.

“I’m not saying this to make you sad or make you feel guilty. You’re supposed to go out on your own and conquer the world. It’s just … hard.”

You tried to soak in his touch, feeling tears prick your eyes again. You swallowed, then spoke softly.

“I don’t know if I can conquer the world, Pop.”  
“That’s okay, too.”

You looked to him and he gave a quiet sigh.

“You know I can’t handle it when you cry. I never have.”  
“Why is it so hard? Being an adult and doing grown-up things?”  
“When you figure it out, be sure and let me know, okay?”

You sniffled, but nodded. He leaned over, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Come on, let’s find a comfy seat and watch something boring on TV.”

You smiled, nodding as you climbed off the barstool, sliding under the arm he offered, sticking close to his side as you started for the living room.

“Tony, that better be coffee I’m smelling.”

You smiled, and your dad pinched your side.

“It might be. And there might also be a surprise.”  
“What surprise? It’s not even seven on a Satur—“

Your mom stopped when she saw you, eyes widening.

“Hey, Mama.”

Pepper didn’t say a word, but hurried to you, taking you in her arms. Her eyes were wide when she stared over your shoulder at her husband.

“Did you know?”

He shook his head.

“I’m just as surprised as you.”

Pepper shook her head, hugging you tighter, realizing how tightly you were gripping her. She looked back to Tony, who sighed and ran a hand over his face. Pepper swallowed, then smiled, closing her eyes and leaning her head against yours.

“I got you, sweet girl. Mama’s here.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Shh. You’ll wake her up.”  
“I’m not doing anything.”  
“Yes, you are.”  
“Daddy said to let her sleep. I’m just watching her.”  
“Well, don’t. That’s creepy.”

You couldn’t help but smile, rolling onto your side and blinking your eyes open. Your little sister Abigail, fair as your mom but with her father’s dark eyes, smiled widely from her spot on the coffee table.

“You’re up!”

You nodded, rolling to your back and yawning.

“What time is it?”

She shrugged.

“I don’t know how to tell time yet.”  
“It’s almost lunchtime.”

You looked across the room, where your brother had a handheld game balanced on his knees.

“Oh, wow.”

He looked up and smiled when he caught your eye.

“Hey, Y/N.”  
“Hey, Gray.”  
“We didn’t know you were coming to see us.”

You looked to Abby and smiled, tapping her on the nose.

“I didn’t know either, until last night. Happy came and picked me up.”  
“Was it late?”

You nodded.

“I watched the sun come up while I fixed the coffee.”

Abby’s eyes widened and you smiled at her.

“I missed you, Abs.”  
“I missed you, too. Could you do me a favor?”

You gave a quiet laugh.

“Sure. What is it?”  
“Can you talk to Bucky and see if he has a kitty I can have?”  
“Abby! You’re not supposed to talk about that.”

Abby turned around on the coffee table, glaring at her brother.

“Mommy said I could get a cat.”  
“She said she and Dad are thinking about it. But Dad said not to bring Bucky up. He and Y/N aren’t together anymore, remember?”  
“But he’s a vet and he knows about animals.”  
“That doesn’t matter!”

You gave a sigh, speaking under your breath.

“Oh, boy.”

Abby turned back to you.

“You could talk to him for me, couldn’t you?”

You lifted an eyebrow.

“You’re spending too much time with your dad.”  
“Mom says she’s slick.”

You gave a laugh.

“She is. She’s Pop made over.”

Abby flipped her hair over her shoulder and you shook your head, a smile on your face.

“I’ll talk to Mom and Pop and see what we can do.”

Abby nodded, sliding off of the coffee table and walking out of the room. You put your face in your hands, then touched your hair.

“I need a shower.”  
“Hey, Y/N?”

You glanced at your brother, who put his game in his lap. He looked your way, hair dark like his dad, but light eyes like your mom.

“Are you okay?”

You smiled, standing up and walking to him, ruffling his hair.

“Yes. I just needed to come home.”

He nodded, and you crouched down until you were eye-to-eye.

“You know what Mom and Pop have always said. No matter what happens, no matter where you go, no matter what you do—“  
“You can always come home.”

You nodded.

“Turns out, they were telling the truth.”

Grayson smiled, and you ruffled his hair again before you stood up and walked to your room. You walked into your bathroom and closed the door behind you, leaning against it and closing your eyes. You shook your head, going to work on getting the pins out of your hair, piling them on the counter. You climbed into the shower and pressed your hands against the wall, hanging your head and letting the warm water cascade over your body.

 

* * *

 

 

“Be gentle.”

Abby carefully dragged the comb through your wet hair, which you’d already combed the tangles out of. You took in a breath and let it out slowly, closing your eyes as your little sister meticulously combed your hair.

“Y/N?”  
“Yeah, babe.”  
“Can I ask you something?”

You smiled.

“Sure, honey.”  
“Do you have a boyfriend?”

You swallowed, leaning your head back until you were looking at her upside-down. She giggled and you reached up to tap her nose.

“Are you spying for Dad?”  
“No…”

You shook your head, rolling your eyes, then sighing as you straightened your head.

“Yes, I do have a boyfriend.”  
“Who is it?!”

You laughed at how excited Abby sounded.

“It’s Bucky.”  
“Bucky? Again?”

You snorted, reaching back to squeeze her knee. She squealed, making you laugh.

“Yes, again.”  
“But I thought you and Bucky broke up.”

You sighed.

“Sometimes people break up and then realize they’re better together.”  
“So you’re better with Bucky?”

You drew your knees up, looping your arms around them.

“I don’t know.”  
“I think you are.”  
“How so?”

You glanced at the mirror above your dresser, seeing Abby shrug her shoulders before she continued brushing your hair.

“You were so sad when you and Bucky broke up. You stayed in your bed for days. Me and Mama were real worried about you. Not as worried as Daddy, but close.”

You couldn’t help the smile, wondering just who exactly she was parroting to you.

“And then when you had to go to the hospital, that was really bad.”  
“I know it was.”

Your voice was so soft Abby didn’t even hear it. She just continued talking, jabbering on the way little girls do.

“Daddy said he was going to kill that SOB and no matter how many times I asked, Mommy wouldn’t tell me what SOB meant.”

You closed your eyes and smiled, just listening to Abby’s voice.

“I didn’t know what being broke up meant. Mommy told me that you and Bucky used to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but now you’re not anymore. But now you say you are boyfriend and girlfriend, so I don’t know who to believe.”

You laughed, and Abby set the brush aside, petting your hair with her small hands.

“All done.”

You turned to face her and she crawled off the bed, moving to sit in your lap. You ran your fingers through her hair, so light and baby fine, just like your mother’s.

“Y/N, are you sad again?”

You sighed.

“No, baby. I just … I need to figure some things out.”  
“What kinds of things?”  
“Grown up things that you don’t need to worry about.”  
“Because I’m just a little kid.”

Abby scrunched up her nose.

“I can’t wait to be big.”

You closed your eyes, wrapping her in a hug from behind.

“I wish you could stay little forever. Being a grown up is not all it’s cracked up to be.”  
“But you get to do so much more than I can.”  
“Yeah, like pay bills and go to work and …”

You stopped at that, swallowing when you thought about your recent unemployed state. You sighed, holding out a hand.

“Here, give me your pinky.”

Abby held her little hand out in front of yours and you linked your pinky finger with hers.

“Promise me that you’ll never grow up.”  
“Y/N, everybody grows up.”

You ignored the pang in your heart and pushed a smile on your face.

“Just pretend for me.”

Abby nodded.

“Okay, I promise.”

You gave her pinky a squeeze until she giggled. You let go of her hand, moving your arms back around her, slowly rocking side to side.

“I miss you when you’re gone, Y/N.”

You swallowed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“I miss you too, muffin.”  
“I’m glad you’re here now.”

You blinked tears back, then smiled.

“Me too, baby sister. Me too.”

 

* * *

 

 

You sat on a barstool in the kitchen, staring out the window at the waning sunlight. You had one hand in your hair, your legs up underneath you, wearing one of your dad’s old MIT sweaters. He never went to MIT, but …

Your mom was walking around the house, the phone pressed against her ear, talking to one of her friends. You heard her end the conversation as she walked into the kitchen, dropping the phone onto the counter.

“So a little birdie told me we’re apparently having sushi for dinner, after she promised she likes sushi now. Never mind that she cried when we tried to get her to try it last week.”

You smiled, flicking your eyes her way.

“Should have told her it’s my favorite. She would have gobbled it up, then.”

Pepper smiled, nodding as she walked to the other side of the counter from you, propping her forearms on it as she leaned over.

“Baby.”

You looked to her, shaking your head at her gentle smile.

“Don’t, because I’ll start crying and I don’t know if I can stop.”  
“I hate it when you do that.”

You gave a soft laugh, shaking your head again as you looked back through the window.

“I love the view here.”  
“You always have.”  
“I know it’s not that far from the city, but it seems so much more … peaceful out here.”  
“Quiet.”  
“Yes. The city’s so noisy all the time. I can think out here.”

Pepper was quiet for a moment before she spoke again.

“Is that why you came? To think?”

You didn’t look at her as you nodded your head.

“To think and to talk with you and Pop.”  
“About what?”

You swallowed, moving your hand through your hair. You bit your bottom lip, then spoke softly.

“How did you know?”  
“Know what, sweetie?”  
“How did you know Pop was the one?”

Pepper waited a beat.

“Is he, though?”  
“Mom!”

You laughed as you looked to her, and she pursed her lips.

“I’m just saying, if Gerard Butler were to walk through that door right now …”

She gave a slow shake of her head and you laughed again. After a moment, she sighed.

“I don’t know if there’s one defining moment where I went ‘Oh, he’s the one for me.’ It’s not like an epiphany—or at least, it wasn’t for me. It was a gradual fall, until I couldn’t picture my life without him in it. Well … I mean, I could, but I didn’t want to.”

She waited until you glanced back and met her eyes, and she smiled.

“I can tell you the moment I fell for him, though.”

You smiled, and she furrowed her brows.

“I’ve never told you this?”  
“I don’t think so.”

Pepper nodded, then straightened.

“I’d been working at Stark Industries for a few months. I’d caught Tony’s eye somehow—probably just by being female—and he’d been nagging the crap out of me. I finally told him I’d go out with him just to shut him up. You can imagine how surprised I was when we had a good time. He was different away from the company. Away from having to be the Tony Stark everyone, and I do mean everyone, thought they knew.”

You turned in your chair, engrossed in the story. Your mom crossed her arms over her chest, a soft smile on her face.

“He invited me to this … gala for something. It seemed like there was a ball or gala of some sort every week and of course, a Stark had to attend.”  
“Some things never change.”

Pepper smiled, nodding at you.

“This particular one, we hadn’t been dating very long. A few weeks, maybe. It was already starting. I already really liked him. Your grandma sent me some money to help me get a dress suitable enough to be seen at one of those things and then …”

Pepper bit her bottom lip, glancing down. You waited a minute, then prompted her.

“Then what?”  
“She stood me up.”

You and Pepper looked to the doorway, where Tony stood with his hands in his pockets and a soft smile on his face. Your mouth dropped open and you looked to your mother.

“Seriously?”

She nodded and you shook your head.

“Mom, why?”

She looked back at Tony and he walked over, taking her face in his hands and kissing her before leaning over the counter across from you.

“So I’m all dressed up, right? Got a limo, Happy’s all bodyguarded out. Your mom won’t let me pick her up. ‘She’ll meet me there.’”

You smiled at the air quotes, and he went on.

“So I get to the shindig, late as usual. I know you think it’s a bad habit, but it’s science.”

You laughed to yourself as Pepper rolled her eyes, and Tony continued.

“I get out of the limo, I look around, I don’t see her. We go inside, I look around, I don’t see her. Happy does his Happy things, and no one has seen her. I give her another half hour, and I notice people giving me these looks. The ‘oh poor thing, he’s been stood up’ looks.”

Tony shook his head.

“I felt humiliated. Thought about getting drunk. Decided to do something a little more adult instead. I dragged Happy out the back door, marched him to the limo and told him to drive me to Miss Potts’ house, where I was going to give her a piece of my mind.”

Pepper stepped over, and Tony wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her to his side.

“Happy did his Happy thing and found her address, drove us over there. It was a cute little cottage, looked like a gingerbread house. I marched up to the front door, trying to decide whether to break it down or just knock.”

You blinked, anticipation rushing through your veins. You shook your head.

“What did you do?”

Tony smiled.

“Neither one.”  
“Well, what stopped you?”

His smile and his eyes softened.

“I heard a sweet little voice say ‘Mommy, I don’t feel good.’”

You blinked again, staring at him. Pepper stepped away from him, walking around the counter until she was standing beside you. She started running her fingers through your hair as she spoke.

“I didn’t exactly broadcast the fact that I had a child. One, it really wasn’t anybody’s business but mine, and two, I’d had friends that had a different boyfriend their kids called ‘Daddy’ every week. I didn’t want that for you.”  
“Because my real dad was such a jackass?”

Pepper made a face, but nodded.

“Partly. But you were barely older than Abby is now. She doesn’t understand about dating and breaking up and falling in love. You can’t explain that to a child, and I didn’t want to expose you to that if I didn’t have to. I wanted better for you.”

She shrugged, continuing to brush her fingers through your hair.

“I didn’t tell anyone at work except my supervisor that I had a little girl. Not because I was ashamed of you, because I’m not. I never have been.”  
“I know, Mom.”

After your soft statement, Pepper leaned in and kissed the top of your head. Tony reached across the counter and took your hand, waiting until you looked at him and smiling at you.

“So back to me and my story.”

You gave a laugh and nodded, and he went back to talking.

“So there I am, frozen at the front door. I think, Happy must have gotten the wrong house, right? But then I hear another voice.”

His eyes flicked over to Pepper, who smiled at him. Tony gave a gentle shake of his head as his voice went soft.

“‘I know, baby. Mommy’s going to make it better.’”

You blinked, watching him as he stared at Pepper. She gave a sigh and a shake of her head.

“You were so sick. You were burning up with fever and I couldn’t bring it down. I thought maybe you’d gotten some bug from daycare or something.”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“I didn’t know what to do. I called my mom, did what she told me to do. But nothing worked. You were so hot and nothing was helping your fever. Then there was a knock at the door.”

Pepper looked to Tony, who nodded, and Pepper smiled.

“There he was, in an honest-to-God tuxedo, with bags from the Walgreen’s around the corner in both hands.”  
“I didn’t know anything about kids. I vaguely remembered being one, but I didn’t know how to care for them.”

Pepper leaned down, shaking her head.

“He bought every kind of children’s medicine they had. Tylenol, Motrin, cough syrup, even teething tablets. You name it, he’d bought it.”  
“I didn’t know what was wrong! I wanted to cover all my bases.”

You laughed, shaking your head, and Tony just shrugged. Pepper went back to brushing her fingers through your hair as she spoke, absently starting to braid it.

“I was shocked to see him. Especially with the things he had with him. I don’t think I could move, so he kind of pushed me aside and walked in, setting the bags down. Happy followed him, shutting and locking the door, then standing beside it. You were in my arms because you wouldn’t let me put you down.”  
“You were the cutest thing I’d ever seen. Chubby cheeks, rosy because of the fever. Bright eyes. You lifted your head off Pepper’s shoulder and the sweetest little voice said ‘Mommy, who’s that?’”

You blinked, meeting Tony’s eyes, speaking softly.

“Mommy’s friend, Mr. Tony.”

Tony smiled and nodded, and you smiled back at him. Pepper’s gentle voice broke your silence.

“He took his tuxedo jacket off, tossed away the bow tie, and rolled his sleeves up. I had barely seen a guy that didn’t take off running when they found out about you. And here was my boss’ boss, literally rolling up his sleeves and asking what he could do to help.”

She shook her head and Tony picked up the story.

“We stayed up all night. Your fever would dip some, then come back with a vengeance when the Tylenol wore off. Your grandmother and I finally convinced Pepper to take you to the ER around like four in the morning.”  
“I started getting stuff together, Happy went and started up the limo, and just when I was nearly ready, I went back to your room. You were curled up in Tony’s lap, head on his chest, sound asleep, and you were sweating.”

Pepper shook her head.

“I burst into tears. We checked your temp again and your fever was finally going down. Tony tucked you into bed, ushered me out into the hall and just held me. He brought me into the living room, sat me on the couch, and stayed with me once I fell asleep.”

Pepper looked over to him and he stood up as she walked to him, lifting an arm to tuck her against his side. Pepper shook her head, resting it on his shoulder.

“When I saw him with you, the way he was so gentle, so worried about this little girl he didn’t even know, I knew I needed to keep him around.”

You looked to Tony, and once he tore his eyes away from Pepper’s and met yours, he spoke.

“Oh, I wanted to marry her right then.”

You laughed and he shrugged his shoulders.

“It was like a 360 for me. There was this woman I knew from work, one I liked and wanted to get to know—“  
“Wanted to get in bed, you mean.”

You made a face, making Pepper laugh. Tony rolled his eyes, ignoring the two of you as he continued.

“But then, to find out that she was a mother … it was like my eyes were opened. After that, I noticed things about her, how mothering she could be at work. Not in a smothering type way. Just gentle things she did. And I did whatever I could do to become worthy enough for her.”

Pepper leaned in and kissed him, patting his chest before she turned to smile at you.

“I’m going to go look up the menu for dinner. Be thinking about what you want.”

You nodded, watching your dad as he watched her leave. He looked back to you and you smiled at him, and he went back to where he‘d been, leaning over the counter across from you.

“You know, I don’t know. I always thought that if soulmates existed, Pepper was mine. But … I’ve always felt a pull towards you.”

You met his eyes and he gave you a soft smile.

“From the very first moment I saw you, eyes bright with fever, I felt this … warmth in my chest. Like something inside me went ‘Oh, there she is. That’s supposed to be your purpose here.’”  
“Pop.”  
“I’m serious. It was like lightning hit my chest when I first saw your mom. But I found out what love meant when I first saw you.”

You tried to blink back the tears that came to your eyes, but they started to fall anyway.

“You never treated me like I was Pepper’s kid.”  
“Because you weren’t. You were mine. Blood or no blood. You were a Stark and I decided the very first time your little hand wrapped around my finger that I was going to fight as hard as I could for you.”

You gave a soft sob and he took your hand in his. You shook your head.

“You didn’t have to. When my dad—“  
“That asshole had no idea who he was trying to mess with. I knew from the second I saw that little worm, all he wanted was money, not you, and because of that, he wasn’t worth the air you breathed. I know how relieved Pepper was when he signed away his rights, but I wasn’t about to let him get close to you. Lucky for him, he made it easy on all of us.”

You swallowed and shook your head. Tony walked around the counter and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, leaning his head on yours.

“You have always been my little girl and you always will be. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing you ever do can make me not love you. Always remember that, okay?”

You nodded, standing up and wrapping your arms around him, burying your face in his shoulder. He held you tightly, kissing your temple as he made gentle shushing noises as you cried.

 

* * *

 

 

“I quit my job.”

Tony blinked, setting down his coffee cup.

“Seriously?”

You smiled, but nodded. Tony gave a shake of his head.

“Why? You loved that job.”

You shrugged as you looked down at the bowl of cereal you were eating and Tony raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, out with it.”  
“Don’t go and make a scene.”

Tony’s mouth dropped open.

“I am offended you would even think I would do something like that.”

You raised an eyebrow and tilted your head at him and he sighed.

“Alright, fine. I promise.”

He rolled his eyes at the end of his statement and you smiled. You took a bite of cereal, then stirred your spoon in the bowl as you quietly spoke.

“So we have this intern program, right? My intern, Peter, is so cute. He’s so awkward, but smart, and really funny without trying to be.”

You took another bite, chewing before you went back to talking.

“So we had this big project due and I completely blanked on the deadline. Peter stepped up and really saved the day, created the whole project and it was really good.”

You finished off your cereal, drinking the milk from the bowl and wiping your mouth on the napkin Tony handed you. You set the bowl aside, smiling at him when he moved the bowl to the sink.

“So I went to the bosses and said we should consider moving Peter from the intern program to a real position in the company. He’s a hard worker, and he’s good at it, you know?”  
“Seems logical.”  
“And I mean, what’s the point of the intern program if you don’t take the best interns and keep them for yourself?”

Tony smiled.

“There’s my girl. I knew something I taught had stuck after all these years.”

You rolled your eyes, but smiled. The smile slid from your face as you stared at your hands, and Tony gently asked a question.

“What did they say?”

You blew out a breath, keeping your eyes on your hands, voice barely audible.

“They laughed at me.”  
“They did what?”  
“Pop, don’t get mad. Your blood pressure—“  
“I could give a flying  _fuck_ about my blood pressure. Those old cronies laughed at you?”

You blew out a breath, seeing his widened eyes, the way he kept blinking, the sharp movements of his hands.

“Pop, don’t get mad.”  
“Too late.”  
“You said you wouldn’t cause a scene.”  
“That was before I knew—“  
“Everything okay in here?”

You and Tony turned to where Pepper stood, arms crossed over her chest, robe tied around her. You sighed, rubbing a hand down your face as Tony spoke almost too quickly for you to understand.

“She quit her job because the bastards laughed at a suggestion she made.”  
“There’s more to it than that.”

Tony turned back to you, eyes blazing, and Pepper stepped forward, laying a hand against his chest.

“Remember your blood pressure.”  
“My bl—“

Tony closed his eyes, lifting a hand to grip Pepper’s wrist. He took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.  

“I’m fine. I’m calm. Please continue with your story.”

You sighed again, scratching at your head.

“They said if they promoted him, they’d have to do it for everyone. I tried to fight for him, because I really thought he deserved it. They said there were no open positions, and I suggested they make one. And then Mr. Sitwell, who I honestly believe never liked me, said that if Peter was that good, maybe he should have my job.”  
“Wow.”

You nodded at your mom, giving another exhale before you went on.

“I said that if I had to give up my job so Peter could learn and advance his career, then so be it. I think they thought I was bluffing, but I went straight to HR. I put in my two weeks notice and Sitwell overrode it. So I was out before the gala the other night.”  
“Honey, why didn’t you call us?”

You met your mom’s eyes and sighed.

“Because I knew Pop would have a coronary like he is now.”

Tony looked from you to Pepper, eyes wide, face red. You blew out your breath and Pepper shook her head as she walked to him, laying her hand on his chest again.

“You remember what we talked about? How she’s an adult and—“  
“Can fight her own battles, yes, I know. But she doesn’t have to, especially when entitled … men treat her the way they have. That shit doesn’t fly, Pepper. I don’t care if it was my daughter or not.”  
“Tony—“

He shook his head and you sat back, watching Pepper whisper to him, calming him down. He ran a hand down his face, meeting your eyes again. You smiled, lifting your shoulders and letting them fall.

“I quit my job, went to the gala, Bucky told me he loved me, and Happy picked me up and brought me here.”

Pepper blinked as she met your eyes.

“I’m sorry, run that by me again.”

You shook your head.

“He told me he loved me and … I believed him. And it … terrified me. I couldn’t breathe. I went outside and called Happy and now I’m here.”

Pepper shared a glance with Tony, opening her mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by Abby and Grayson running in.

“Y/N, you promised you’d take us to the trampoline park today.”  
“A promise is a promise, Abs. Go get dressed!”

The kids rushed back out of the kitchen, and you smiled at your parents before climbing off the barstool and following your siblings.

When they were alone, Pepper let out a sigh, looking back at her husband.

“We’ve got our work cut out for us, don’t we?”

Tony sighed, nodding as Pepper walked to him, looping her arms around his shoulders from behind. He lifted a hand to lay on top of hers, turning around and resting his forehead against hers. 


	12. Decisions, Decisions

You held a glass of wine in your hand as you sat on the love seat in your parents’ living room, feet up on the arm of the couch, crossed at the ankles. You were watching the sun go down, while your dad’s favorite kind of music played softly in the background. **  
**

“Hey, Boozy.”

You rolled your head, narrowing your eyes as your dad came into view. You held up your glass and shook your head.

“This is only my second glass, thank you very much. I’m not driving. I don’t have to go to work in the morning. I’m being responsible.”  
“So you’re just going to mope and take up space on my couch?”

You sighed, turning to look out the window again.

“I’m not moping.”  
“You—and I say this with every ounce of love in my heart—are a liar.”

You glared at Tony as he walked over and sat down in the chair across from you. He had a highball glass in his hand, sipping on two fingers of Scotch.

“Talk to me.”  
“We’ve talked for two days.”  
“So? Let’s talk some more.”

You sighed again, pushing a hand through your hair. Tony glanced down at his glass, looking into it, swirling it around gently as he spoke.

“Want to talk about Bucky?”  
“Not really.”  
“Do it anyway.”

You took a sip from your glass, staring out the window again. You opened your mouth, unsure of what to say. You went quiet, and after a moment of silence, Tony spoke again.

“You love him?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Baby, again, I mean this with all the love in my heart, but that’s bullshit.”  
“Pop!”  
“I know, because you can’t bullshit a bullshitter, and I, my darling, am the best of the best.”

You blew out a breath, shaking your head. You stared out the window, biting your tongue, and Tony leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees.

“Would it be the worst thing?”

You snorted.

“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me? Abby told me you said you wanted to kill that SOB.”

Tony blew out a breath.

“She’s such a tattletale.”

You smiled, taking another sip of your wine. Tony sighed, tapping his thumb on his glass.

“I did want to kill him. A year ago, you know. I mean … do you blame me?”  
“Not really.”  
“He messed you up, babe.”  
“I know.”

Your voice was quiet, and after a moment, Tony spoke again.

“You’re scared.”  
“Stop trying to bait me into fighting with you.”  
“I’m not—“

Tony sighed. He finished off his Scotch, baring his teeth as he swallowed. You licked your lips, then turned your head to look at him.

“I am scared. I don’t want to be that girl I was last year. I couldn’t even stay in my own apartment by myself. When I tried, I woke up in the hospital.”  
“And that was terrifying for your mother and me.”

You closed your eyes, finishing off the rest of your wine. You set the glass aside and leaned back against the armrest, letting out a deep breath. You kept your eyes closed and Tony finally spoke again.

“What are you so scared of?”  
“Getting hurt again.”

Tony was quiet, but you could imagine him nodding his head.

“So you’re going to hold back, keep yourself from falling for him, because you might get hurt again.”  
“That’s not what I’m doing.”  
“Well, please enlighten me as to what you  _are_ doing.”

You blinked your eyes open, staring at the ceiling. After a few moments, Tony spoke again.

“You’re running.”  
“Pop, I—“  
“Honey, let me say this.”

You closed your mouth, keeping your eyes on the ceiling as Tony spoke.

“I will be the first to tell you that I’m not Bucky’s biggest fan. I’d really like to punch him in the face, if we’re being honest.”

You closed your eyes, and he went on.

“I spent a huge chunk of the last year getting an ulcer from worrying about you. He did a number on you, and I get that. But you love him. And for all accounts and purposes, he loves you, too.”  
“How do you know?”  
“Because he’s called at least twice a day to check on you.”

You sat up, eyes wide when you looked at your father.

“The first time I answered the phone, I said some … not very mature things before I hung up on him. But, the boy’s persistent, I’ll tell you that.”  
“You’ve talked to him?”  
“More than once. He’s worried about you.”

You weren’t sure why that brought tears to your eyes, but it did. You watched Tony’s dark eyes go soft and you shook your head.

“He didn’t worry about me before.”  
“He was a little asshole punk before. He’s different now.”  
“Who’s to say he won’t go back to being an asshole punk?”  
“Maybe … the word of a recovering asshole punk?”

You lifted your eyes to his, and Tony sighed.

“I have no doubt in my mind that I probably would be dead right now if it hadn’t been for your mom. She saved me, whipped my ass into shape a long time ago. Not because she had to, or because she wanted to fix me. Just Pepper being who she was made me want to be better for her. You were an added bonus.”

You shook your head, looking down at your hands.

“I just … Pop, I couldn’t be myself. I couldn’t even be alone. The one time I tried, I woke up in the hospital.”  
“Let me talk to you about that.”

You sighed and he shook his head.

“No, you …”

He ran a hand over his face before he spoke again.

“When you told us you were moving into a place of your own, I was immediately against it. Pepper had to talk me into it because I wanted to lock you in this house and never let you leave.”

You smiled, and he went on.

“Then we got the call from Natasha that you were in the ER, and I, uh …”

He cleared his throat.

“I am not proud of the things I said to your mother. Still kind of paying for that.”  
“Really?”  
“Oh yeah. I became very intimately acquainted with this couch.”

You smiled, and he sighed.

“I wanted to pack you up and bring you back with us and lock you away. Pep threatened to call security and have my ass thrown in jail—but that was just a bluff … I think.”

You shook your head, a soft smile still on your face.

“When everyone finally convinced me to let you stay with Nat and Clint …”

He shook his head.

“Your mom sat me down and we had a long talk about how you’re an adult and you have to make your own choices and decisions and how I can’t fix everything for you all the time, as bad as I may want to.”

You met his eyes and he shrugged his shoulders.

“I can’t fix this now, babe. You have to be the one to make the decision.”  
“I don’t know how.”

Tony nodded at your soft words.

“Yes, you do. You may think you don’t, but you do. You might just need to take a little more time to uncover what exactly it is that you want.”

He stood up, taking his empty glass with him as he made his way across the room. He bent down, pressing his lips to the top of your head.

“Take all the time you need, sweetheart. We’re here for you.”

You reached a hand up and gripped his wrist, and he kissed the top of your head again, standing beside you until you let go of him. You listened to his footsteps walk away and you let your head fall back, closing your eyes and curling into the couch.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

Pepper raised an eyebrow, but turned from where she’d been putting clothes in the washing machine, propping a hand on her hip.

“Do I need to sit down for this?”  
“No.”  
“Anytime those words are spoken, good things do not follow.”

You smiled as you looked down at your hands, then let out a breath. Pepper didn’t say anything, and you were the one to finally break the silence.

“A couple of weeks ago … I thought I was pregnant.”

You glanced over, seeing Pepper with raised eyebrows. You shrugged as your voice softened.

“I’m not, but … I thought I might have been.”  
“What did Bucky say?”

You snorted.

“Not what I thought he would.”  
“What did he do?”  
“Bought the tests. Did not freak out, which I was all but betting on him doing. He stayed calm and …”  
“And what?”

You looked up, meeting her eyes.

“He said he’d marry me.”

Pepper blinked at that and you shook your head, looking down again.

“I just …”

You shook your head again and Pepper walked over to you, covering your hands with hers, causing you to stop twisting your fingers.

“First of all, you know better than to … not be safe.”  
“I know.”  
“If you risk it without some form of birth control, of course you’re going to have a scare.”  
“I know.”

Pepper sighed.

“But the way he reacted … seriously?”

You nodded.

“He even … I don’t know, maybe I’m just looking for something.”  
“No, tell me.”

You sighed again.

“It was almost like he was … not disappointed when the tests were negative, but … not excited either.”

Pepper shook her head.

“Okay, this is bigger than laundry room talk. Go into the den and I’ll meet you there.”

You giggled, but nodded, leaving the laundry room and going to sit on the plush couch in the den. A few minutes later, your mom joined you, two glasses of sparkling grape juice in her hands. You laughed and she shrugged, a smile on her face.

“Abby likes the bubbles. Calls it her ‘special’ champagne.”

You shook your head, taking a sip and nodding. Pepper sat across from you on the couch, setting her glass on the end table.

“So, tell me. What’s gotten into him?”

You shrugged, and Pepper shook her head.

“That boy is not the same as he used to be. He has changed.”

You nodded, staring down at your hands again.

“Hey.”

You lifted your head and she tilted hers to the side.

“How did you feel?”  
“After?”  
“All of it.”

You blew out a breath.

“Terrified. I mean, I feel like Bucky and I are barely managing each other, and to imagine a baby in that?”

You shook your head. Pepper didn’t say anything, and you swallowed.

“I, uh … I was also kind of … worried about telling you.”  
“Me? Why?”

You lifted a shoulder and shook your head.

“You’ve always been able to tell me anything. We’ve always talked about any and everything, you know that.”

You nodded, and Pepper furrowed her brows, then sighed.

“Honey.”

You stubbornly stared down at your hands and she sighed, scooting closer and taking your hands again.

“Look at me.”

You lifted your head, tears sparkling in your eyes. She sighed again, shaking her head.

“Baby.”

You shook your head, one tear slipping down your cheek.

“I just don’t want you to be disappointed in me.”  
“What, for turning out like me? Y/N.”

Pepper shook her head, tears coming to her own eyes as she squeezed your hands.

“Honey, I was fifteen when I got pregnant. I was a kid. You are an almost thirty year old woman with a good life and a good support system. Your situation wouldn’t be like mine.”

You shook your head and Pepper pulled you into her arms. You put your head on her shoulder and she stroked your hair, resting her head on yours.

“I love you, sweet girl. And you are not like me. You are better, and that is all I have ever wanted.”  
“There’s no one better than you.”  
“Hush. Don’t you make me cry anymore.”

You gave a wet laugh, snuggling closer to her and closing your eyes.

Five days after you ran away in the middle of the night, you found yourself unable to sleep. You were lying on your side, huddled under the covers, staring at nothing in the darkness. Everyone in the house had gone to bed, save for Happy, who you were fairly sure never slept. Pepper had managed to talk Abby into sleeping in her own bed instead of with you, which left you all alone.

You thought about turning on your lamp and getting a book, or even going to sit with Happy, but your heart kept turning back to the city.

You licked your lips and turned onto your back, staring at the ceiling. You watched your fan make a few rotations, then sat up, reaching onto your bedside table and picking up your phone. You dialed a number and laid back down on your side, squeezing your eyes shut and listening to the line ring.

_“Hey, what. Hello? Hello?”_

You smiled at the voice, deeper than normal and thick with sleep.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”  
 _“No! No, I … I’m awake.”_

You gave a soft giggle.

“I don’t think you are.”  
 _“Okay, I might have been resting my eyes a little.”_  
“I’m sorry I woke you.”  
 _“Baby, you can wake me anytime you want. Although I prefer you do it when you’re here and we can—“_  
 _“_ Buck!”

You both laughed.

_“I’m just saying.”_

You settled back in your bed and Bucky’s voice came through the speaker again.

_“Can’t sleep?”_  
 _“_ Not tonight.”  
 _“Can I do anything to help you? Oh, hey. You want to FaceTime like we did before? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”_  
“Bucky Barnes, I am not doing dirty FaceTime while I’m at my parents house. There are children here.”  
 _“Well, when you put it like that … never mind.”_

You laughed, shaking your head. You sighed and sank your head into the pillows.

_“I miss you.”_  
“I miss you too, Buck.”  
 _“Any timeline as to when I can see you again?”_

You swallowed, shaking your head.

“I don’t know yet.”  
 _“That’s okay. Take your time, baby.”_

He yawned, making you feel bad for waking him, then yawned yourself.

_“Was that a yawn I hear?”_  
 _“_ You did it first. They’re contagious.”  
 _“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”_

You smiled, closing your eyes.

“I think maybe I just needed to hear your voice.”  
 _“Oh really?”_  
“Yeah. I do miss you. I just …”  
 _“I know, babe. Take all the time you need.”_

You nodded, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

“Buck, I think I can go to sleep now.”  
 _“Okay, baby. I love you.”_

You blinked, opening your mouth and taking in a breath, unable to formulate the words. Bucky spoke again, voice soft and low.

_“It’s okay, sweetheart. You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know.”_

You nodded, giving a shaky breath.

_“Y/N, I’m here for you, anytime, okay? Call me whenever. I mean it.”_  
 _“_ Thank you.”  
 _“I love you. Get some rest.”_

You nodded, holding onto your phone.

_“I’ll keep talking until you fall asleep, okay? Just … keep holding the phone and I’ll stay here.”_  
“You need your rest, too.”  
 _“I’ll get it. I can close the clinic for the day. It’ll be fine.”_  
“Steve will be mad.”  
 _“Let that overgrown Labrador get mad. I’ll knock him out.”_

You giggled, settling into your pillows and closing your eyes, breathing out a sigh as Bucky’s voice rambled in your ear.

You woke the next morning with the phone still clenched in your hand, the heavy weight around your heart seeming lighter.

After dinner the next night, Tony took Grayson and Abby to get ice cream, leaving you alone with your mom. The two of you finished off the bottle of wine that had been started at dinner, popping another cork and sipping on glasses as you sat on the couch.

Pepper took a swallow, then nodded at you.

“Okay, let’s get this down to brass tacks.”

You nodded, and she held up a finger, ticking off the points she made.

“He’s cute.”  
“Very cute.”  
“Smart.”  
“Very smart.”  
“Got a nice body.”  
“Mom!”  
“What?”

Pepper laughed, holding up her left hand and wiggling her ring finger.

“Just ‘cause I wear this doesn’t mean I’m blind.”

You covered your face with your hands and she laughed again.

“I’m just saying, good job, baby.”  
“Mom, god.”

She laughed, shaking her head as she took another sip of her wine. You took a gulp of your own, making her laugh again. She waved a hand as she spoke.

“Anyway, let’s get back on topic. He’s cute, smart, nice looking … wait, I think we’ve doubled up on our categories.”

You giggled, holding your glass to your lips as you spoke.

“He’s nice to me.”  
“Very important.”  
“He makes me laugh.”  
“Also very important. I don’t think I could stay with your dad if he didn’t constantly make me laugh.”

You nodded, then went on.

“He’s nice to animals.”  
“And small children. Abby loves him.”

You smiled, taking a sip from your glass, then looking into it.

“I like being around him. He makes me comfortable. He makes me feel safe. And happy.”

You tapped the stem of your glass.

“I like being with him more than I like being away from him.”

You lifted your eyes, seeing Pepper’s soft smile.

“You know what that means?”

You took in a shaky breath, letting it out slowly.

“I love him.”  
“You love him.”

You set your glass down, not trusting your fingers to do their job.

“What if it explodes like it did before?”  
“What if it doesn’t?”  
“Yeah, but what if I get hurt like I did before?”  
“What if you don’t?”  
“Mom.”  
“Y/N.”

Pepper set her own glass aside and took your hand.

“You cannot live your life in ‘what ifs.’ There’s no sense in it. You’ll always be hanging back, saying ‘what if I did this’ or ‘what if he’d done that.’ That’s no way to live, baby girl. That’s not living at all.”

You stared into her eyes and she smiled, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

“Take a chance. It could be the greatest thing you’ll ever do.”  
“Or it could fail spectacularly.”

Pepper nodded.

“But you’ll never know unless you try.”

You swallowed, giving her a smile. She winked at you and you nodded, squeezing her hand. You took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“I’ve got to go back.”  
“I think so.”  
“I’ve got to talk to him.”  
“Good, solid plan.”

You giggled, shaking your head.

“But we’ve got to sober up a little, I think.”  
“Yes, before those little monsters get home.”  
“And Pop.”  
“Ooh, my big monster, too.”

You giggled again, standing up from the couch, wobbling slightly before you straightened, walking into the kitchen. You set your glass in the sink, and Pepper followed behind you, setting her glass down. She bumped your hip with her own and you giggled as you bumped her back. The two of you were laughing so hard you were crying when Abby and Grayson ran into the room. Abby threw her arms around you and Grayson went to your mom, touching her shoulder.

“Mom, something’s up with Dad.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“He got a phone call and he got really quiet.”

You raised an eyebrow as you looked down at Abby.

“What kind of call?”  
“Hey! Who forgot my banana split?!”

Abby gasped as she looked towards Happy, pointing at Grayson. He shook his head, running to Happy with Abby on his heels.

“I didn’t forget! Nobody told us you wanted one.”  
“Do we need to go get you one, Happy? I can ride with you!”

Happy ushered the kids out of the kitchen and you smiled when you saw your father make his way into the room.

“Hey, Pop. Tell me you didn’t forget my hot fudge sundae.”

He gave you a tight smile, and you looked back to see Pepper’s face fall. You looked from her to Tony, shaking your head.

“What … what’s going on?”

Tony swallowed, running a hand over his face. Pepper stepped up behind you, laying a hand against your back.

“Tony, what is it?”

He looked to her, then walked to you, taking your face in his hands. You shook your head, staring into his dark eyes.

“Pop, you’re scaring me.”

He gave you a gentle smile, the words coming slowly and calmly from his lips.

“Honey … there’s been an accident.”

You blinked, shaking your head, feeling your mom step in closer behind you. Tony kept holding your face, speaking in that same gentle tone.

“Bucky and Steve were in an accident today.”  
“B-both of them?”

Tony nodded at your whispered question. He swallowed, staring into your eyes.

“It’s bad, baby.”

You shook your head, body trembling as Pepper stepped up behind you and took hold of your shoulders. Tony let go of you and you turned around, eyes wide and searching as you fell into your mother’s embrace. You gripped her tightly as she stared at Tony with wide, scared eyes. He shook his head, then spoke again.

“Happy’s got the chopper ready.”  
“It’s  _that_ bad?”

Tony nodded.

“We need to get her back to the city as soon as we can.”  
“Are they dead?”

You lifted your head from Pepper’s shoulder, meeting Tony’s eyes. He swallowed, and from the tightening in his jaw, you shook your head, bending at the waist and letting out a sob. Tony and Pepper gathered around you and held you up, and you grabbed onto Tony’s shoulders, staring at him as tears ran down your face.

“I can’t lose him. Daddy, please. I can’t lose him.”  
“I know. I know, baby.”  
“I never told him—I never told him I love him.”  
“Let’s get you there so you can tell him, okay?”  
“Daddy.”

Tony grabbed you into a fierce hug, holding you as tightly as he dared while you sobbed into his shoulder. Pepper stood back with a hand over her mouth, tears rolling down her cheeks. Tony whispered to her, words you couldn’t understand, and the three of you made your way to the roof of the building, Tony ushering you into the helicopter that was waiting there. You watched him kiss Pepper, then climb in beside you. You reached across the seat, taking his hand, closing your eyes as he lifted your hand to his lips, holding it tightly as the helicopter took flight.


	13. Do No Harm

Tony held tightly to your trembling hand as he led you through the hospital. You trusted him to get you where you needed to be, since you could barely even think on your own right then. Despite the wine you’d shared with your mom earlier, you were stone-cold sober, but with a hangover headache.

Or maybe that was from the adrenaline.

You swallowed on a dry throat, lifting your head to see Clint making his way towards you. You pulled your hand from Tony’s and rushed to Clint, burying your face in his shoulder as he held you, strong arms embracing you, holding you up.

“I got you, babe. Just breathe.”  
“What happened, Clint?”

He sighed, shaking his head, one hand stroking your hair.

“I’m not sure. Tasha’s found out more details. Come with me and I’ll take you to her.”

He nodded to your dad, and Tony motioned to the doctors. Clint nodded again, escorting you away from Tony and into a small waiting room. Natasha leapt to her feet when she saw you, running forward and catching you in a tight hug. The tears started when you smelled her perfume, and you clung to her as you wept into her hair. You didn’t have to say a word; not that you could, so Natasha started talking.

“It looked like they had just taken a drive. Bucky lives out in the country anyway, but … they were out there a while before someone found them.”  
“They … what?”  
“It was at least an hour, if not two, before someone came upon the accident. I don’t know the details there yet.”

Natasha met Tony’s eyes as he stepped into the room and she swallowed before she continued explaining the situation to you.

“Steve’s got a bad concussion. They’re trying to keep him knocked out for a while. He’s got a broken leg and a dislocated shoulder.”  
“But he’s alive?”

Natasha nodded.

“Yeah, baby. He’s alive.”  
“And … and Bucky?”

Natasha licked her lips, moving a shaky hand to stroke your hair.

“Buck’s arm was caught in the mangled door. It took a lot to get him out. They don’t …”

Natasha gave a shaky sigh, hand stilling on your hair. Her voice was low when she spoke.

“Y/N, he may lose his arm.”

You jolted back from Natasha’s embrace, staring at her. Her blue eyes were gentle, and you shook your head. She lifted a hand to touch your face and you jerked away from her, walking to Tony and putting your face in his chest. He sighed as he wrapped his arms around you, resting his head atop yours and closing his eyes as he held you.

* * *

 

You sat in an comfortable plastic chair, staring at the tile floor. Clint had offered you some coffee that looked more like sludge and you’d shaken your head, choosing instead to just sit and stare. Tony was on the phone, with your mother at some point, you assumed, and maybe some specialists or something.

Bucky was in surgery. He’d been in surgery for hours now. The thought made you sick to your stomach, and you just closed your eyes, trying—and failing—not to think about how it felt when he held you in his arms.

Both of his arms.

You exhaled, shaking your head and standing up, going still when a person in full-operating room attire stood before you.

“Is Y/N Stark here?”

You blinked, nodding and raising your hand. The person nodded, stepping forward.

“I’m Claire, I’m a nurse here. I’ve been involved with the surgery on James Barnes.”

Your breath caught in your throat and Tony stood from his chair, walking up behind you and laying his hands on your shoulders. You couldn’t speak, but Tony must have known that, and he asked the question you couldn’t.

“Is he okay?”  
“He’s hanging in there. Miss Stark, I have a question I need to ask you.”

You nodded, just unable to formulate words. Claire licked her lips, speaking very gently.

“Miss Stark, Mr. Barnes’ injuries are quite severe. What we’re focused on is the damage done to his left arm. Right now, Dr. Strange is trying to ensure that the nerves in Mr. Barnes’ arm are still intact, and the best way for us to see that is … to have Mr. Barnes move his hand.”

Tony shook his head.

“But he’s in surgery. He’s out cold.”

Claire nodded.

“We would like to wake him up and check the function of his arm.”  
“You want to pull him out of sedation while you have his arm open on the table?”

Claire sighed.

“I know it’s hard to think of, but it could be his best shot. If we can pinpoint the problem areas, we may can save his arm.”

You shook your head, licking your lips before you spoke.

“I don’t understand. Why are you telling me this?”

Claire looked back to you, her dark eyes meeting yours.

“We were wondering if you may could help us.”  
“What can I do?”  
“Talk to him. Try to calm him down.”

Tony gave your shoulder a squeeze as he spoke to the nurse.

“You want her to talk to him as you wake him up in the middle of surgery? Are you out of your goddamn mind?”  
“Pop, easy.”

You turned and rubbed a hand on Tony’s chest, turning back and shaking your head again.

“I … I wouldn’t know what to do. I don’t have a very strong medical background.”  
“You don’t need one. We’ll walk you through everything.”

You looked down at your hands and Tony shook his head, whispering to you.

“You don’t have to do this.”

You smiled, turning back and glancing up at him.

“I do, Pop. I’ve got to help him save his arm.”

You leaned into him, closing your eyes when he kissed your temple. You let out a breath and turned, nodding to Claire. She made a motion for you to follow her, and you did, listening to her speak as you walked.

“We’ll help you scrub out. In the O.R., you’ll have to wear a mask, so you'll have to talk where he can hear you. He’s going to be in immense amounts of pain, and he’ll be severely out of it as well. If you just talk to him, your voice may soothe him.”  
“How do you know?”

Claire stepped into a locker room and smiled at you.

“The only thing he said when they brought him in was ‘Where’s Y/N?’ He had a picture of you in his wallet, and when they told him you weren’t even in the accident, he nodded and passed out.”

You let out a breath as she handed you a pair of scrubs and you changed into them, no ounce of modesty on your mind. Claire helped you stuff your hair into a cover, talked you through putting covers over your shoes, and you followed her down another hallway.

“Can I touch him?”  
“Yes. Just nowhere near where Dr. Strange is set up.”

You nodded, swallowing hard when Claire handed you a mask.

“Take a deep breath and let it out slowly.”

You did as she said, and Claire stepped behind you, taking the strings of the mask and tying them together behind your neck.

“This mask may make you feel a little claustrophobic. You just have to remember that it’s not keeping you from getting enough air. It’s just sort of … acting like a filter.”

You nodded, and she motioned to one of the big sinks attached to the wall. You walked over and Claire stepped onto a button on the floor, and water came from the  faucet. You put your hands under it and Claire handed you a bar of soap.

“Scrub every inch of your hands. Between your fingers, under your nails, all the way up to your elbows.”

You did as she instructed, meticulously scrubbing your skin with the soap. You washed the bubbles away and Claire made you scrub your hands and arms again. When you were rinsing your hands off, Claire moved behind you to tie the mask around the back of your head, securing it in place over your nose and mouth. You felt your stomach clench, fear slithering up your spine, but you forced yourself to remain calm. You held your dripping hands up as Claire led you into the operating room, and a nurse decked out in gear even more complicated than Claire’s handed you a blue towel. You took it, glancing towards the middle of the room when you heard a deep voice.

“This her?”  
“Yes, sir.”

As you dried your hands, you looked at the man bent over the table, who didn’t lift his head to acknowledge you. He continued to keep his eyes cast down, hands moving gingerly as he spoke.

“Miss Stark, I’m Dr. Strange. I assume Nurse Temple has informed you of what we need?”  
“Yes, sir. I just …”

He lifted his head, and you could barely see his eyes behind the glasses he wore with what appeared to be magnifiers on them.

“You’re scared?”  
“Honestly, yes.”

He nodded, lowering his head again.

“This is going to be a tough situation. He’s going to act, for lack of a better term, like a feral animal. He’s going to be groggy and confused and in a lot of pain. We’re hoping we’ll be able to hold him down, but—“  
“He’s strong.”

Dr. Strange lifted his head and nodded.

“He is. But from all accounts, you’re our best shot here.”

You swallowed and the nurse handed you a pair of gloves. Claire stepped into the room, making you realize you hadn’t even noticed her leave. She was handed a blue towel to dry her hands off and the nurse held open gloves that Claire slipped her hands into. Dr. Strange nodded, stepping back from the table.

“Ease up on the propofol. Let’s try bringing him out slowly.”

Your eyes widened at the words Dr. Strange spoke, and Claire nodded to you. You recognized her eyes over the mask she was wearing.

“Y/N, come closer. You can touch his right side, but steer clear of the left.”

You nodded, stepping forward and clasping your trembling hands together. You licked your lips behind your mask and gave a shaky breath. You heard the steady beeps of the machine behind Dr. Strange begin to increase, agonized moans starting softly, then increasing in pitch as they slipped from Bucky’s throat.

And then, it was chaos.

Guttural screams filled the room as every available hand moved to try to keep Bucky on the bed. He thrashed and kicked, screaming as tears came to your eyes.

“Miss Stark! Miss Stark, now!”

At Dr. Strange’s words, you felt your lips tremble as your stomach lurched. You shook your head and rushed forward, grabbing onto Bucky’s right arm.

“Bucky!”

He yanked his arm away from you and you stumbled back, blinking at the tears his disorientation were causing you. You yelled his name again, but he couldn’t hear you through his screams, couldn’t focus through the fighting he was doing. You finally marched forward and grabbed his arm again, digging your thumb into his bicep as you yelled as loudly as you could.

_“James!”_

He stopped, going completely still as wild, frantic eyes scanned the room.

“Easy, Buck. Take it easy. Calm down.”  
“Y/N?”

His wrecked voice could barely form your name, but you moved into his field of view, smiling down at him, not remembering that he couldn’t see anything but your eyes.

“It’s me, Bucky. I’m here.”

He stared up at you and you reached out to gently touch his face.

“Hey, you. Hey, baby. It’s okay. Calm down. You’re okay, Buck.”  
_“Hurt.”_  
“I know. I know you’re hurting. I’m so sorry. But you’re okay. We’re taking care of you.”

His right hand was opening and closing, and you took it in both of yours, bending his elbow and holding his hand to your chest.

“I’ve got you, Bucky.”  
“You …”

You blinked and shook your head, ignoring the tears slipping down your cheeks.

“I’m fine. I’m just fine, baby.”

You lifted your head to the doctor, who nodded to you. You swallowed and met Bucky’s wide eyes again.

“Bucky, Dr. Strange is here and he needs you to do something for him, okay?”

He started to shake his head and you moved one hand to lay against his cheek.

“Do it for me, Buck.”

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, short, quick breaths leaving his lungs. He nodded, baring his teeth and Dr. Strange spoke.

“Mr. Barnes, I need you to wiggle your fingers for me.”

Bucky moaned and shook his head, and you leaned over him.

“Come on, Buck. Do what he says. Wiggle your fingers.”

He tried, screaming  in pain. He shook his head and you moved your hand to caress his face, murmuring gentle nonsense sentiments, just letting him feel you and hear your voice. Bucky clenched his jaw and slowly wiggled each of his fingers, groaning in pain as he did. Dr. Strange nodded, and you gave Bucky’s right hand a squeeze.

“That was good. That was so good, Buck.”

You lifted your eyes and Claire made a fist with her hand, then let it relax. You nodded, looking back to Bucky.

“Okay, doll.”

His smile was more like a grimace, but you accepted it anyway, smiling yourself.

“I need you to make a fist for me.”  
_“Hurts.”_  
“I know, but we’re almost done. Come on, big guy. Show me how strong you are.”

He was gripping your hand so tightly you weren’t sure if you’d still have function in your hand when this was over. Bucky groaned and you squeezed his right hand.

“Come on, Bucky. Make a fist.”

He slowly did as you asked, tears leaking from his eyes, a strangled sob bursting from his throat. You moved a hand to rub at his right shoulder.

“Relax, Buck. You did it. Just relax.”

He stared up at you and you smiled down at him, stroking your fingers over his cheek and forehead.

“You’re okay. You did good.”

You looked up and saw Claire nodding at you, and you moved your hand to stroke Bucky’s hair, still holding tightly to his right hand.

“You’re okay. You’re okay.”  
“Y/N.”  
“I’m right here. I’ve got you, baby.”

He nodded, grimacing again. You kept your eyes on Bucky, hearing Dr. Strange say medical terms you didn’t understand. The man across from you picked up a syringe of a milky-looking substance, pushing it into a tube that led into Bucky’s arm. You watched his eyes begin to dim, eyelids closing, the times he opened his eyes decreasing more and more. You leaned in closer, lifting his hand to your cheek, above the mask, where you could feel the calloused touch.

“I’m right here, Buck. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He gave your hand a squeeze and took in a breath. When he exhaled, his hand went slack in yours. An oxygen mask was placed over his nose and mouth and you watched the tension in his body slowly disappear until he was fully relaxed. You lifted your head and Dr. Strange nodded at you.

“Thank you, Miss Stark. You may have just saved his arm.”

You nodded, and another nurse stepped forward, ushering you out of the room. When you were in the hallway, you ripped the mask from your face, taking in deep gulps of air. You pressed your back to the wall and slid down it, staring at your hands before closing your eyes and letting your head fall back, trying not to vomit.

You reached a shaky hand up and pulled the cover from your hair. You inhaled, holding the breath for a few seconds, then exhaled. You did it again until you stood on shaky legs and made your way down the corridor where Claire had led you. You made your way back to the waiting room, and Tony jumped to his feet when he saw you.

“Hey, sweetheart. Are you okay? What happened?”

You shook your head, closing your eyes as you felt the room tilt, trusting that Tony would catch you as blessed unconsciousness finally took over.

* * *

 

“Easy. Don’t try and wake up too fast.”

You groaned, feeling soft, cool hands slip over your face. You felt something cool and damp gently press against your forehead and you blinked, squinting your eyes at the light. You caught a glimpse of blonde hair and you blinked your eyes fully open, turning your head to see Pepper at your bedside. She gave you a soft smile.

“Hey, there.”

You turned your head to look at the ceiling and Pepper spoke softly.

“Do you remember what happened?”

You nodded gingerly.

“Bucky was in surgery and I went to help them.”  
“Yeah, you did.”  
“And then … I don’t know. I think it all hit me at once.”  
“Yeah, that’s what we think, too.”

You nodded again, reaching out a hand. Pepper laid her hand in yours and you slowly moved, feeling another pair of hands on your back, helping you to sit up. Tony sat behind you, nudging your back with his shoulder.

“If you feel the need to pass out again, warn somebody, would you?”

You smiled, leaning into him.

“Sorry. I just … I knew you’d take care of me.”  
“Always, pumpkin.”

Tony pressed a kiss to your temple and stood up. You turned to look at him, realizing that you were in a room, and lying on a hospital bed. You shook your head and met his eyes.

“Is Bucky okay?”  
“He’s out of surgery, in recovery. They’re going to keep him sedated for a while.”  
“Can I see him?”  
“Soon as they move him to a room.”

You nodded, and Tony rubbed his thumb over his lips.

“There is someone else who I’m sure would love to see you.”

You looked to Pepper, then back to Tony. He held out a hand, motioning with his head, and you laid your hand in his, letting him help you up. You smiled when he looped your hand around his arm and walked beside him as he slowly led you down the hallway to the elevators.

* * *

 

Tony rubbed your shoulders and kissed the top of your head before leaving you in front of a closed door. He wasn’t going far; he’d already assured you of that. You let out a shaky breath, then turned the knob on the door.

You closed the door behind you as you stepped into the room, feeling your breath catch in your throat when you saw the man lying in the bed. Tears came to your eyes as you covered your mouth with a hand.

The room was bathed in dim light from a street lamp just outside the window. The lights in the room were off, but you could still see him. You made your way to the bed, sinking into the chair beside it, reaching out and taking his scratched up hand.

“Oh, Steve.”

He didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge that he’d heard you. You sniffled and picked up his big hand, closing his fingers around yours before lifting his hand to your cheek.

One leg was out from under the covers, wrapped from above his knee down to where only his toes were visible. The hand you weren’t holding was in a sling, and there was a bandage around his head. You licked your lips and shook your head, staring at his bruised face, swollen lips, scratches and cuts over his face and hands.

“I’m so sorry, Steve. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

He still didn’t move to acknowledge you, and you prayed that was because he’d been sedated. You pushed your other hand through your hair and glanced back as the door opened. A nurse stood there, tilting her head when she saw you.

“Sorry, we’ve come to take him for surgery.”  
“Surgery?”  
“On his leg. The break was worse than expected.”

You closed your eyes and sighed, then looked back to his face.

“Has he been sedated?”  
“Oh yes, ma’am. They had to sedate him to pop his shoulder back in place.”

You nodded, laying his hand back on the bed. You leaned over and brushed his hair back, pressing your lips to his forehead before lowering your forehead to his. You gave a shaky exhale, then turned to the nurse.

“Take care of him, okay?”

She gave you a smile.

“I will.”

You nodded, making your way down the hall to where Tony had told you he’d be waiting. You stopped halfway, taking your phone out of your pocket. You licked your lips, tapping your phone against your hand before you tapped on the screen and made a call. When a familiar voice message came through, you rolled your eyes, pushing a hand through your hair.

“Hey, it’s me. I, uh …”

You closed your eyes, shaking your head.

“Something’s happened. Steve … he’s hurt. Call me when you get this, please.”

You opened your mouth to say more, but you shook your head and ended the call. You blew out a breath and pushed your hands through your hair, stopping at the waiting room. Tony lifted his eyes and set the magazine he was reading aside.

“That was quick.”  
“They’re taking him to surgery.”  
“What?”

You nodded, tears coming to your eyes again. Tony stood up and walked to you, and you reached out to hold his arms.

“His leg is worse than they thought, so they’re …”

Tony sighed, bringing you into his arms. You clung to him, closing your eyes and putting your face in his shoulder, letting the tears come freely.

* * *

 

Bucky was moved out of recovery in the middle of the night. Steve’s surgery took longer than expected, but he was now the proud owner of rods and screws holding his leg together. Natasha parked herself by Steve’s bed and Clint floated between the two of you. Tony refused to leave your side, despite Pepper’s pleas for the two of them to go back to your apartment and rest. She knew better than to suggest that to you, because once Bucky was put into a room, you rearranged the furniture until you could safely hold his right hand. His left arm was encased in thick bandages and a complicated-looking sling that one nurse referred to as an immobilizer.

You spent a lot of time just watching him sleep.

When you finally gave in and laid your head on Bucky’s bed, there was an almost silent knock at the door. Tony glanced up to see Clint standing there and he glanced over at Pepper, who was asleep in the chair across the room. Tony got up as quietly as he could, slipping from the room and joining Clint as they slowly made their way down the hall. Tony glanced around, then spoke softly, where only Clint could hear.

“Accident?”  
“Not hardly.”

Tony nodded, stopping at a vending machine. He studied the contents, or at least made it look that way as he spoke again.

“Culprit?”  
“Nothing confirmed yet, but it definitely looks to be …”

Clint let his voice trail off, and Tony glanced over his shoulder, meeting Clint’s eyes. Tony sighed, hanging his head and muttering under his breath.

“Goddamn it.”

Clint nodded, glancing down the hall. Tony pushed away from the vending machine and they started slowly walking again, shrugging his shoulders as he spoke almost silently.

“Give me something.”

“Nat found some tire treads and footprints in the mud beside Buck’s truck.”

“And that means?”

Clint shrugged his shoulders.

“Someone deliberately ran them off the road, then checked to make sure they were knocked the fuck out?”  
“Or they had further instructions they didn’t carry out.”

Clint tilted his head, but nodded. They stopped outside a room and Tony glanced through the thin window on the door, seeing an unconscious, bruised, bandaged Steve. He swallowed, lips lifting in an automatic smile when Natasha looked his way. She stood and slowly walked to the door, opening it and slipping through it to stand beside Tony and Clint. Tony nodded towards the door.

“How is he?”

Natasha shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Out of it. Nurse said he probably won’t wake up tonight.”

Tony and Clint nodded, and Tony’s voice dropped low again.

“Run it down for me.”

Natasha nodded, scanning the hallway as she moved to lean against Steve’s door.

“All signs point that it wasn’t an accident.”  
“And you think it was--”  
“At least ordered by him.”

Tony dragged a hand down his face, pacing a few steps before looking towards the Bartons.

“So … what? Do I need to ship my wife and kids away from here? Figure out some bullshit to tell Y/N so she’ll stay away from Barnes?”

Natasha shook her head.

“No, I don’t think you need to do that.”  
“And why not?”  
“Because I don’t think Barnes was the target.”

Tony stopped pacing, and he and Clint both turned to look at Natasha. She shook her head, stepping closer to Tony, Clint just behind her.

“There’s nothing, not one piece of evidence pointing to Barnes.”  
“Those guys don’t  _need_ evidence, Nat.”

She met Tony’s eyes and raised an eyebrow. He blew out a breath and she lifted her chin at him.

“You scared?”

Tony snorted. He smiled at a nurse who briskly walked by, then leaned in, speaking just loud enough for Natasha and Clint to hear.

“You’re goddamn right I’m scared. That bastard is out of his fucking mind. There’s no rhyme or reason for half the shit he does.”

Tony swallowed, shaking his head.

“Who’s to say he didn’t pick Barnes out in line at the grocery store?”  
“I don’t think it was him; I think it was the son-in-law.”

Clint and Tony both stopped, turning to Natasha. She shrugged once and Tony blinked before stepping closer to her.

“The son-in-law?”  
“The one poised to take over.”

Clint pushed a hand forward, touching Natasha’s arm.

“The dead daughter’s husband?”

Natasha nodded at him, lifting her hand to cover his. Tony shook his head, crossing one arm over his chest, propping his other elbow on that arm and rubbing his mouth with his free hand.

“Let’s say you’ve got something here. Why would the son-in-law target Rogers?”

Natasha turned to face Tony, raising one slender eyebrow.

“I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count.”

Tony furrowed his brows as he looked to her, then widened his eyes.

“You sure?”  
“Fury’s been keeping an eye on her.”

Clint raised an eyebrow and Natasha shrugged. Clint’s lip raised in a half-smile and he stepped to Natasha, taking her hand.

“You were worried enough about her to get Fury to watch out for her?”  
“No.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, but Clint and Tony shared a smile. Natasha shook her head, taking her hand from Clint’s and crossing her arms.

“Dizzy is nothing but trouble. Haven’t I said that for years? And now look what she’s done.”  
“Hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

Tony stepped forward, voice pitched low.

“Easy, easy. Don’t get all riled up.”

Tony rubbed a hand over Natasha’s shoulder, glancing down the hall.

“We should discuss this further, with the big guns. Once everyone wakes up.”

Natasha and Clint nodded, and Natasha walked back to Steve’s room, glancing in the window to find him still asleep. She took in a breath and let it out slowly, tilting her head towards Clint when he stepped up behind her and rubbed a hand over her back. Natasha swallowed, reaching for Clint’s hand and lacing her fingers through his.

“They have to wake up.”  
“They will, baby.”

Tony sighed, lifting a hand to rub at his hair. When Clint glanced back at him, Tony motioned towards the hallway. Clint nodded and Tony put his hands in his pockets as he began to make his way back towards Bucky’s room.


	14. Awaken

You smiled when you felt hands on your shoulders, gently digging into the muscles you’d been tensing. You relaxed, your smile growing when you heard the deep voice rumble at your ear.

“You’re going to meld into that chair.”  
“It’s good to see you too, Clint.”

He smiled as he stepped around you, crouching down in front of your chair.

“You need anything?”

You looked at Bucky’s sleeping form and sighed.

“A time machine to go back a few days?”

Clint looked towards Bucky and nodded. He didn’t say anything else, so you spoke to fill the silence.

“Mom needed to go back and check on the kids. Happy’s got them, but you know. They can’t survive on cheeseburgers alone.”

Clint snorted and you gave a soft laugh before speaking again.

“Pop’s stubborn as hell and refuses to let me be, so he’s staying with me for a while. He went to my apartment to shower and get some rest.”

Clint nodded again, eyes still on Bucky.

“Has he woken up at all?”

You shook your head. 

“Off and on. I can’t get comfortable.”  
“Let me sit with him and you go get some rest.”

You shook your head again, leaning forward in your chair, picking up Bucky’s warm hand, lifting it to your cheek.

“I want to be here when he wakes up.”

Clint nodded, leaning over to kiss the top of your head.

“Nat’s with Steve, so if you need anything, just call me. Or yell and I’ll probably hear you because—“  
“You’re hovering.”

Clint shot you a look that made you giggle and he shook his head with a smile. He laid a hand on Bucky’s right shoulder, sighing before he turned and left the room. You let out a breath and turned Bucky’s hand over, fitting his palm around your cheek. You closed your eyes, reveling in the touch, slowly sinking down until your head was on the bed. You rolled to let Bucky’s hand free, but kept hold of it as you drifted to sleep.

* * *

 

Clint had his hands in his pockets as he made his way down the hall to Steve’s room. He lifted his head and narrowed his eyes at the low sound, the vicious hissing of a whispered argument, turning the corner and stopping hard when he saw his wife nose-to-nose with a woman almost half a foot taller than her. Clint shook his head, jogging forward and putting his arms around Natasha from the side, gently rubbing her back to try and calm her down, the other arm in front of her to hold her back.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, Barton.”

Her almost silent murmur brought a smile to his face.

“Just take it easy. Too many eyes around here.”

Clint lifted his eyes to the other woman as he continued to smile.

“Hey, Dizzy.”  
“Hey, Clint.”

Natasha’s eye roll was almost audible, and Clint bit the inside of his cheek before he spoke again.

“What’re you doing here?”

Dizzy crossed her arms over her chest.

“Y/N called me, said there’d been an accident.”  
“And what’s it to you? What can you get out of this?”

Dizzy rolled her eyes this time, tightening her hands on her arms. Natasha gave a laugh.

“The  _last_ thing Steve needs right now is you yanking his chain. He’s hurt, and you need to go.”  
“Tash, honey—“  
 _“Don’t.”_

Clint sighed as he held his hands up and backed away. Dizzy swallowed, glancing into Steve’s room. She lifted a hand to place it against the window and Clint gently squeezed Natasha’s shoulders. She closed her eyes, then stepped forward.

“Don’t hurt him again.  _Please_ , Dizzy. If you’re going to be here for him through this, fine, but don’t leave him again.”

Dizzy hung her head and Clint led Natasha away from Steve’s room. Down the hall, Natasha stepped away from him and Clint sighed.

“I know you—“

He cut himself off when Natasha turned around and put her face in his chest, and Clint wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly.

* * *

 

You jolted awake suddenly, blinking wide eyes and wincing as you sat up. You tilted your neck from side to side, moaning softly at the throb of an ache there, lifting your eyes to Bucky’s face.

He was still sleeping, but something had changed. His face wasn’t slack and peaceful anymore. His brows were furrowed, lines visible in his forehead. You reached a hand up and ran it gently over his forehead. You used your thumb to smooth out a line between his eyebrows and he gave a deep exhale.

“It’s okay, Buck. You’re all right. I’m right here.”

You laced your fingers through his, eyes widening as you looked down at your joined hands, where you could have sworn you felt Bucky squeeze your hand.

* * *

 

Dizzy stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, leaning back against it. Tears filled her eyes as she stared at the bed, at the bruising around one of his eyes, the sling encasing one arm, the thick bandages and brace around one leg. She shook her head, licking her lips as she walked forward, sitting in the chair Natasha had vacated.

She reached over and picked up Steve’s hand, closing her eyes when she lifted his hand to her cheek.

“Oh, big guy. What happened to you?”

Dizzy shook her head, sniffling as she moved his hand back to the bed. She pushed a hand through her hair, shaking her head again as she rested her elbow on Steve’s bed, covering her face with a hand.

* * *

 

You shook your head, tears filling your eyes. You lifted Bucky’s hand to your lips, kissing it before pressing it against your forehead.

“Please wake up. I need you to wake up, Buck.”

You leaned back, staring at yours and Bucky’s hands, still entwined. He had definitely squeezed your hand. You looked back to his face, a smile coming to your lips.

“Come on, Bucky. Open your eyes.”

* * *

 

Steve gave a soft moan as he shifted in the bed. He felt a gentle squeeze to his hand, a thumb slowly moving back and forth over his knuckles. He licked his lips and slowly blinked open his eyes, a smile coming to his lips when he saw who the gentle touches had come from.

“Am I dreaming?”

Dizzy smiled, swiping tears from her cheeks.

“No.”  
“Then I’m dead and this is heaven.”

She gave a quiet laugh.

“If I’m your heaven, Rogers, you should ask for your money back.”

Steve licked his lips again, closing his eyes before blinking them open again. Dizzy moved to let go of his hand, but he tightened his hold on her. Her soft voice was like music to his ears.

“Let me get you some ice.”  
“Don’t go.”

Tears filled her eyes, and she leaned up, pressing her lips to his forehead as his eyes drifted closed.

“I’m right here, big guy.”

Steve nodded, eyes still closed as Dizzy let go of his hand, moving to pick up the container of ice chips and pouring some into a small cup. She lifted the cup to Steve’s lips and took it away when he had a few ice chips in his dry mouth. Steve rolled the chips around in his mouth, letting them melt on his tongue before swallowing. Dizzy gave him a few more chips, then set the cup aside as she sat back down. Steve’s hand immediately reached for hers, and she laced her fingers through his. His voice was low, still thick with sleep and the medications he’d been given.

“I missed you.”  
“I know.”  
“What happened?”

Dizzy shook her head.

“I don’t know the details. I can get Nat or Clint to come and tell you.”

Steve shook his head, eyes drifting shut again before he blinked them open.

“I just want to be here with you for a while.”

Dizzy’s face fell as she tried to hold back the tears, and Steve let go of her hand to reach up and thumb away a tear from her cheek.

“I’m okay, baby.”

Dizzy nodded, and Steve cupped her face in his hand. She leaned into his touch and let the tears come, shaking her head.

“It scared me, Steve. Y/N called me and said you’d been in an accident and I … I didn’t think. I just came here.”  
“I’m glad you did.”

She closed her eyes and Steve gave her head a gentle push. Dizzy leaned in, closing her eyes as her lips met Steve’s in a gentle kiss.

* * *

 

You stared at Bucky’s face, eyes dancing over his features, your own eyes widening as his slowly blinked open. You watched him smack his lips once, rolling his head until he saw you. His eyes met yours, holding for a few seconds.

When his lips curved into a smile, you broke down and sobbed.

Bucky gave your hand a squeeze and you gave a relieved laugh, shaking your head.

“I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t cry.”

You laughed again, shaking your head as you used the hand not gripping tightly to Bucky’s to wipe the tears off your face. You sniffled, meeting his eyes and giving another shake of your head.

“You scared me.”  
“What happened?”

You blinked, licking your lips as you leaned forward.

“You were in an accident. You and Steve.”  
“Is he—“  
“He’s okay.”

Bucky nodded, eyes drifting closed. You smiled, moving a hand to smooth it over his face.

“I’m here, baby. You can rest.”  
“Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine, Bucky. I’m right here.”

Bucky nodded again, taking in a breath and letting it out slowly, drifting back to sleep.

* * *

 

Natasha and Clint looked up when hurried footsteps could be heard down the hall. Natasha stood up, blinking when you and Dizzy appeared in the doorway of the waiting room. You gave a breath of relief and wrapped Dizzy in a hug, holding her as tightly as she was holding you. You leaned back as Natasha and Clint stepped up close and Dizzy smiled.

“He’s awake. A nurse came in to check some things and I came to get you guys.”

You nodded, a smile coming over your face.

“Bucky’s awake, too. Well, he was, but the anesthesia’s hitting him pretty hard. He’s back asleep, but the nurse said he should be waking up fully soon.”

Clint smiled as he wrapped you in a hug and you gave a watery laugh as you put your face in his thick shoulder. He rubbed a hand on your back and kissed your temple.

“I’ll go check on Buck and you go see Stevie.”  
“I won’t stay long.”  
“Take your time. If he wakes up, I’ll come and get you. I promise.”

You kissed Clint’s cheek, then hurried down the hall behind where Dizzy and Natasha had already been. You pushed open the door, and Steve, bruised and one eye slightly swollen, smiled when he saw you.

“Hey, Y/N.”

You closed your eyes, pressing your lips together. Steve made a soft noise and you blinked open tear-filled eyes to see Steve holding his free arm towards you. You stepped forward and leaned down, wrapping him in a hug. His hand came to rest on the back of your head and you shook your head.

“You scared me.”  
“I’m sorry, babe.”

You sniffled and leaned back, sitting on the edge of the bed. Dizzy came to sit beside you and you smiled, nudging her with your shoulder. You sighed and Steve lifted his chin towards you.

“How’s Buck?”

You nodded.

“He woke up a little while ago, but the anesthesia’s hitting him hard.”  
“Anesthesia? He had to have surgery?”

You exchanged a look with Natasha and Steve sighed.

“Shit. What is it?”

You gave him a soft smile, picking up his hand and tapping his fingers with yours. Natasha spoke up, filling in the blanks you couldn’t explain.

“Bucky’s arm was stuck in the side of the car that got hit. It took a long time for them to free him, and his arm was pretty mangled. They weren’t sure if he was going to be able to keep it.”  
“They cut his arm off?”

You shook your head, smoothing your hand down Steve’s arm.

“No, honey, no. He’s fine. The surgery they did was to make sure his nerves were still intact, that everything worked the way it should. He’s okay.”

Steve leaned back against the pillows, blowing out a harsh breath. He shook his head meeting your eyes.

“It all happened so fast. The accident.”  
“You remember?”

Steve shook his head.

“Bits and pieces. I remember this car coming out of nowhere and slamming into us. I remember waking up and hearing voices, but I don’t remember what they were saying.”

He lifted a hand to his bruised eye, missing the way Natasha perked up, as she realized the bruising around his eye could very possibly have come from a punch. Steve shook his head, glancing over at a pale Dizzy. He gave your hand a squeeze, then took his hand back and held it towards her. She took it and you leaned over, kissing Steve’s cheek before standing up and patting Dizzy’s shoulder.

“I’m going to go back to Buck. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Steve gave you a thumbs up from his hand in the sling, making a face at the movement. You raised an eyebrow and he shook his head, flicking his eyes towards Dizzy. You smiled, then winked at him, smiling at Natasha before walking down the hall to meet Clint in Bucky’s room.

* * *

 

Bucky woke up again an hour later, when a nurse was checking his vitals. You sat up and moved to sit on the edge of the chair, since the nurse said he might stay a little more lucid this time. The anesthesia really had done a number on him, but he seemed to be finally coming out of it.

“Hey, lazybones.”

Bucky’s lip curled into a smirk and he sighed, wincing as he shifted in the bed.

“Are you hurting, Mr. Barnes? I can get you something for the pain.”

Bucky shook his head.

“No, I … I want to wake up.”

You and the nurse shared a smile and she nodded as she walked out of the room. You stood up and walked to the bed, sitting on the edge. Bucky slid over a bit, rolling his eyes at your soft admonishment. He lifted a hand and you took it, rubbing your thumb up and down the back of his hand.

“How long have I been out of it?”  
“Almost two days.”

He blinked, shaking his head.

“What happened?”  
“Do you remember anything?”

Bucky shook his head.

“Last thing I remember is Steve coming over. We were going to go … god, I don’t even remember.”

You nodded, and Bucky looked over to you.

“Is Steve okay?”  
“Got a jacked up shoulder and a concussion. He broke his leg and had to have surgery to repair it. But everything went well in his surgery.”

Bucky nodded, tucking his chin to look down at his arm. He looked back to you, the question evident in his face. You couldn’t hold back your tears as you looked at his arm, then back to his face.

“Your arm was caught in the truck door, and it was mangled up pretty bad. They thought … “

You swallowed, and Bucky reached out his hand for you. You slipped your hand into his and gave a shaky sigh.

“They thought they were going to have to amputate your arm.”

Bucky looked down at it and you shook your head.

“You had one of the best surgeons on the planet. Dr. Strange.”

You gave a laugh at the raised eyebrow he gave you before continuing your story.

“He was able to fix your arm. You’re going to have to have a lot of intense physical therapy, maybe another surgery. But you’ve still got it.”

Bucky nodded, leaning back against the pillows.

“I had … I don’t know. Maybe a dream, maybe a hallucination from the pain meds.”

His blue eyes met yours.

“Am I on pain meds?”  
“Hell yeah.”

He smiled, nodding his head.

“Thought so. I’m not sure I can feel this arm over here.”  
“Don’t try and move it. That’s an immobilizer.”

Bucky nodded again, resting back on the pillows, smiling when you leaned forward to fluff them for him. He reached a hand up and gently cupped your face. You leaned in and pressed your lips to his, and he gently kissed you back, giving a soft laugh when he pulled away.

“They’re monitoring my heart, right? Don’t want them running in when it spikes.”

You gave a soft laugh and nodded. Bucky moved his thumb along your cheekbone and spoke softly.

“I dreamed about you.”

You leaned into his hand and he shook his head.

“It felt like I was on fire, and all I could see was white. All I could think about was the pain, but then I heard your voice. Once I heard you … everything else seemed to fade.”

You glanced down, reaching to take his hand from your face and hold it in yours.

“They said you kept asking about me. One of the nurses told you I wasn’t in the car with you and once you found that out, you passed out.”

Bucky nodded, and you moved to cup his face in both of your hands.

“It wasn’t a dream, Buck.”

He furrowed his brows and you shrugged.

“They needed to check your motor function, to make sure the nerves in your arm weren’t damaged, and the only way to do that was to wake you up during surgery.”

Bucky shook his head.

“But you … I swear I heard your voice.”  
“You did. I was there.”  
“In my surgery?”  
“They thought I might could calm you down enough, to make you stop fighting through the pain.”

You shrugged again and Bucky shook his head.

“They let you into the operating room?”

You nodded, rubbing your thumbs over the thick growth of beard on his cheeks. He shook his head again.

“Did you see anything gross?”

You laughed as you nodded, letting your hands fall from his face.

“I tried not to look at it, but whenever we were done and I left, soon as I got back to Pop, I passed out.”

Bucky’s eyes widened.

“Your dad’s here?”

You nodded.

“I sent him to my apartment to get some rest.”  
“Have you rested?”  
“I’ve slept some.”  
“Where?”

You glanced towards the chair and Bucky made a face.

“Baby.”  
“I’m fine. I wanted to be here when you woke up.”  
“Well, here I am.”

You smiled.

“Yeah, I uh … I was waiting to see you because I needed to tell you something.”  
“What?”

You lifted your hands to his cheeks again, cradling his face in your palms. You smiled, tears coming to your eyes again.

“I love you.”

Bucky’s blue eyes widened, and you gave a soft laugh.

“I love you, Buck.”  
“Don’t say it just because I’m in the hospital.”  
“I’m not, you big jerk.”

Bucky laughed, and you dropped your hands. He reached for you with his free arm and grabbed your wrist, and you shook your head. He tugged on your wrist until you leaned down where you were eye-to-eye with him. You stared into his eyes and his voice was gruff when he spoke.

“Say it again.”  
“Just forget it.”

Bucky smiled, and you couldn’t help but smile back at him. He stared into your eyes and you finally whispered the words again.

“I love you.”  
“I love you, too.”  
“Don’t just say it because you’re in the hospital.”

Bucky laughed, shaking his head.

“I’m not. I mean it with my whole heart.”

You nodded.

“So do I.”  
“Really?”  
“Really.”

He tilted his head to the side and you smiled.

“I love you, James Buchanan Barnes.”  
“Not as much as I love you, Y/N Stark.”

You leaned in and kissed him, both of you glancing back as your parents stepped into the room.

“Oh, Jesus.”

You gave a laugh at your dad’s disgusted tone and Bucky nodded.

“Hey, Tony.”  
“How you feeling, Barnes?”

Bucky nodded again, giving Tony a thumbs up with his good hand. Pepper laid a hand on Tony’s chest.

“Let me grab a nurse to come and make sure—“  
“Just hang back a second, Pep.”

She raised an eyebrow at Tony and he smiled as he winked at you. You sniffled and Bucky laced his fingers through yours.

“Will you do something for me?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Not even going to ask what it is?”

You shrugged.

“I trust you.”  
“Kiss of death.”

You glanced back in time to see your mom elbow your dad and you laughed when he leaned over and coughed. You shook your head and looked back to Bucky, who smiled as he lifted his hand and ran his thumb along your jawline. You closed your eyes, then blinked them open and looked into his eyes as he moved his hand to cup your cheek.

“What is it, Barnes?”

He smiled, glancing down at the bed before meeting your eyes again.

“Will you marry me?”


	15. To Have & To Hold

_One Year Later_

You stood in front of the mirror, smoothing your hand down your torso. You took in a breath and let it out slowly, turning to the side before facing forward again. There was a soft knock at the door and you glanced towards it, smiling when it opened and your mom poked her head in.

“Hey, gorgeous. Are you …”

Her voice trailed off when she got a look at you, and her eyes widened as they filled with tears. You shook your head, giving a watery laugh.

“Don’t. If you start, I’ll start and I don’t know if I can stop.”

Pepper laughed, sniffling as she walked into the room. You motioned with your head and she walked behind you, nodding as she began buttoning the buttons you couldn’t reach.

“You look incredible.”  
“It’s all thanks to Wanda. She’s a magician.”  
“I’d laugh, but I really think she is.”

You giggled, and Pepper stepped back.

“There.”  
“Can you help me with the veil?”  
“Of course, my love.”

Pepper grabbed the gauzy veil, smiling as she gently fingered the lace scalloping the edges.

“It’s beautiful.”  
“It’s yours.”

Pepper nodded, swallowing as she tried to keep her tears at bay. She fixed the veil in your hair, making sure it was straight, smoothing her hand down it before looking over your shoulder and meeting your eyes in the mirror. You smiled and she shook her head as tears slipped from her eyes.

“I can’t help it.”

You gave a soft laugh, reaching a hand back to grip hers.

“Can you believe this is happening?”

Pepper laughed.

“It was a tough road to get here, I’m not going to lie.”

_“What did you just say?”_

_Bucky smiled._

_“You heard me.”_   
_“Did … did you just propose?”_   
_“Sounded like it.”_

_You blinked, glancing back to see your mom with her mouth open and your dad with a knowing smile on his lips. You looked back to Bucky and he shook his head, wincing as he moved in the bed._

_“Nothing like a near-death experience to get your priorities in order.”_   
_“Are you fucking kidding me?”_   
_“Y/N.”_

_You ignored your mom’s soft admonishment, and your dad’s subsequent laugh. Bucky lifted a hand and you immediately took it and he shrugged his shoulders._

_“I asked your dad a few weeks ago.”_

_You looked over your shoulder to see Pepper’s wide eyes as Tony shrugged and made a face._

_“Why are you looking at me like that? Are you really that surprised?”_   
_“Yes!”_

_You and Pepper spoke at the same time and Tony sighed._

_“You don’t get that messed up over someone unless it’s your someone.”_

_He rubbed Pepper’s shoulders, leaning over to kiss her temple. You looked back to Bucky, who lifted his shoulders, wincing when he did._

_“Shit, that’s sore.”_   
_“Do I need to get the nurse?”_

_Bucky shook his head, eyes closed, teeth bared. You blew out a breath._

_“Are you just asking me because you’re high on painkillers?”_   
_“I resent that.”_

_He blinked open his eyes, staring up at you._

_“Did you miss what I said? All I could think about, all I dreamed about through this whole thing was you. I love you. I am in love with you and I don’t want to live without you. I want to marry you, and I’m really hoping you want to marry me.”_

_You blinked, and he shook his head._

_“Did you also miss when I said I asked your dad a while ago?”_

_You glanced back and met Tony’s eyes, saw them shining in the light as he smiled at you. His words when you were lying on the couch, about how he’d spoken to Bucky more than once a day while you were at home, came to your mind. You felt tears come to your eyes and Bucky smiled at you._

_“I love you, Y/N. I don’t like it when you’re not around. I want to be with you, to love you, to show you what you mean to me. I know I fucked up before, but if you’d just give me a chance, I promise I won’t let you regret it.”_

_You reached for his hand and nodded, giving his hand a squeeze._

_“I know.”_   
_“I’ve changed. You changed me. You make me better.”_

_You felt tears come to your eyes and Bucky gave your hand a squeeze. You looked back to him, meeting his pleading icy blue eyes. He tilted his head, whispering softly, as if you were the only two in the room._

_“Marry me.”_

_You let out a shaky breath, looking down at the hand you were holding, then back to his face._

_“Okay.”_

_Bucky’s eyes widened._

_“What?”_

_You nodded._

_“I’ll marry you.”_   
_“What?”_   
_“Yes, Bucky. I’m saying yes.”_

_He surged up, catching your lips in a kiss, groaning when the movements registered in his arm. You glanced back to see tears rolling down your mom’s cheeks before she turned to get a nurse. You leaned in and put your forehead against his, and he closed his eyes as a dazzling smile lit up his face._

_“I love you.”_

_Your voice was no more than a soft murmur, but Bucky heard it all the same. He gave a laugh, then spoke just as softly as you did._

_“Not as much as I love you.”_

“Have you gotten all your things?”

You lifted your eyes, meeting your mom’s in the mirror. She smiled, fussing with your veil.

“Something old, something new, something borrowed and blue.”

You smiled.

“The dress is new. Your veil is my borrowed. Pop’s grandmother’s necklace is old, and my shoes are Tiffany blue.”

You lifted the hem of your dress to show off the shoes Natasha had bought you as a wedding present. Pepper smiled and nodded.

“Very good.”  
“Have you seen him?”

Pepper’s smile grew.

“I have.”  
“Is he nervous?”  
“Pacing like a caged animal. He pulled his tie off three times while I was in there. Steve’s about to go out of his mind.”

You laughed, laying a hand against your nervous stomach. Pepper stepped up behind you, laying her hands on top of yours.

“I know how you feel.”  
“Did you feel like this when you married Pop?”

She nodded.

“I was a nervous wreck. I still don’t really know why. I loved him. Still do. I was happy with him. I knew he’d take care of me. I knew he loved me.”

Pepper shrugged.

“I don’t know. Your grandpa swore he had a getaway car at the ready.”

You laughed and Pepper sighed.

“I was shaking in the back of that church. Your grandpa really did think I was going to pass out. But as soon as those doors opened and I saw Tony … everything seemed to click. I could breathe, and your grandpa had to stop me from running down the aisle to him.”

Pepper shook her head, a soft smile on her face.

“How are you feeling?”  
“I’m scared.”

You shook your head, a nervous laugh bubbling from your lips.

“I don’t know why. It’s just like you said. I love him, and I know he loves me. I’m happy with him. I’m safe with him. This whole past year has been absolute hell, but we made it and I think it’s made us stronger.”  
“It has. Believe me.”

You smiled, and Pepper turned you to face her. She smiled as she moved her hands to cup your face.

“Is this what you want?”

You blinked, then nodded. Pepper continued to smile, speaking softly.

“Why?”  
“Because I love him.”  
“Then that’s all that matters.”

She let go of your face, wrapping you in a hug. You closed your eyes and leaned your head against hers, both of you turning when there was a knock at the door.

“Hey, they said Pepper was in here, and I’m desperate for … holy cow.”

You smiled when you saw Steve’s wide eyes, one hand gripping the door.

“Hey, buddy.”

Steve shook his head.

“Bucky is going to freak when he sees you. God, you’re gorgeous!”

You laughed, and Steve stepped forward, taking your hands.

“Are you sure you want to do this? There’s still time; you and I could run off and get married.”

You laughed, Pepper softly joining in behind you, and you shook your head.

“I love you dearly, Rogers, but I can’t marry you.”

He closed his eyes, turning his head from you dramatically, and you laughed. You went up on your toes and kissed his cheek and he looked back to you, a gentle smile on his face.

“I’m so happy for you, Y/N. Really.”  
“Don’t look at me like that.”

Steve chuckled as tears filled your eyes, and he leaned forward to kiss your forehead. You all turned when there was a knock at the door, and Wanda poked her head in.

“Ten minutes to places. Ready?”

You nodded, and Steve kissed your cheek before he hurried from the room. Pepper gave your hand a squeeze and followed behind Steve. You turned back to the mirror, hands resting on your pitching stomach, shaking your head as you closed your eyes.

“Pregnant or nervous?”

You rolled your eyes, glancing at the door.

“Nervous. Jerk.”

Clint laughed, pulling on his sleeves as he stepped into the room with you. He gave a low whistle and you cocked a hip.

“What do you think?”  
“Mark my words—Barnes will be struck speechless.”

You smiled, turning back to the mirror to press your lips together, making sure your lipstick was still intact.

“You don’t think he’ll bail, do you?”  
“Of course not. He’s not Dizzy.”

You went still, turning to face Clint.

“She didn’t.”

Clint sighed.

“Steve doesn’t know yet.”

You groaned, letting your head fall back on your shoulders.

“This is my wedding. She’s supposed to be here.”  
“I know.”  
“Why am I friends with her?”

Clint smiled.

“I honestly don’t know, honey.”  
“Does she at least have a good reason? Or a reason at all?”

Clint shrugged.

“I can’t answer that.”

You huffed out a breath, turning to the mirror, missing the way he glanced towards the door, guilt creeping over his face at the lie. He schooled his face into a smile, looking back to you.

“Well, I better get back to my ushering duties. Want me to send Nat in here?”  
“I thought she went to calm Bucky down.”  
“She did, but then she got sidetracked. Something about bougainvilleas or something.”

You smiled, and Clint walked to kiss your cheek before putting his hands in his pockets and whistling as he walked away. You glanced at the vanity behind you, your phone on the edge of it vibrating as a call came in. You walked over and smiled as you lifted the phone to your ear.

“It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.”  
 _“What if I just need to hear her voice?”_

You smiled, speaking softly.

“Maybe she just needs to hear you, too.”

Bucky gave a soft laugh.

_“You okay, baby?”_  
 _“_ Mm-hmm. Are you?”  
 _“I’m scared out of my goddamn mind.”_  
 _“_ Why?”

Bucky blew out a breath.

_“I don’t know. That’s the damndest part of it all. I want to marry you. I want you to take my name and move in—“_  
“I’ve already moved in.”  
 _“You know what I mean. I want you with me and to legally be mine and I don’t understand why I’m freaking out so much.”_

You were quiet for a moment, before you spoke again, voice pitched low.

“Are you sure you want to marry me?”  
 _“What? Baby, of course I do. I just … I don’t know what it is.”_  
“Do you want to call it off?”  
 _“No. Hell no. Just—“_

You heard Bucky arguing with Steve, a soft curse leaving his lips before he came back to you.

_“I got caught. I’ve got to go, baby. I love you.”_  
 _“_ I love you, too.”

The click of the call ending seemed to echo in your ear and you swallowed as you laid the phone back on the vanity. A soft knock at the door caused you to look that way, and Tony poked his head in.

“Hey, I was …”

His eyes widened as he stepped into the room, and you watched them fill with tears as he looked at you.

“Oh, Pop.”

He shook his head, a smile coming to his face as a tear slid down his cheek. He held out his hands and you set yours in his.

“You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

You scrunched up your nose to try and keep your tears at bay, and you shook your head as he pulled you in, gently wrapping his arms around you.

“Oh, my sweetheart.”  
“Pop.”

He shook his head as he leaned back. He grabbed a tissue from the box on the vanity and gently dabbed at your face.

“Barnes is terrified. It’s only natural.”  
“I just talked to him. Do you think he’ll leave?”

Tony laughed.

“I threw up twice before I married your mom. Almost snuck out the bathroom window, but Happy threatened to cut my nuts off if I didn’t ‘get my godforsaken ass to the front of that church pronto.’”

You laughed at Tony’s gruff imitation and he leaned in closer to you.

“Happy’s walked the perimeter a few times, checking windows.”

You gave a soft laugh and Tony laid his hands on your shoulders.

“This is the hardest part, baby girl. Overcoming your nerves and walking down the aisle. The rest is … well, I’m not going to say easy, but it’s better.”

You nodded, letting out a slow breath. Tony cupped your face in his hands and let out a sigh.

“I can’t give you away.”  
“Pop.”  
“I just can’t.”

Tears hurried to your eyes, one slipping down your cheek. Tony shook his head, tears shining in his own eyes.

“I love you too much to let you go.”

You shook your head, making yourself smile.

“Pop, you can’t lose me. No matter how hard you try.”

He smiled as he leaned in, and you closed your eyes as his lips pressed against your forehead. You glanced over when a knock sounded at the door, and Natasha poked her head in, a wide grin on her lips.

“Ready?”

You nodded, reaching to the vanity to grab your bouquet. Tony took your hand and looped it over his arm, patting it gently before following Natasha in her long, deep purple [gown](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.davidsbridal.com%2FProduct_crisscross-off-the-shoulder-mesh-bridesmaid-dress-f19951_all-bridesmaid-dresses&t=YmFiNmEyMTRmOGQ1M2QzNWMyYzcyZTk1ZmU1NzZiMDMzNmU5NjRlYixXa0d5SW1xWQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A8aCP1W3fex4dtXTw0BpImA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fsunriserose1023.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F185228742214%2Fplaying-with-fire-fifteen&m=1). You gave a shaky breath and Tony gave your hand another pat.

“Easy, baby. Take a breath.”

You blinked multiple times, feeling your breath come quicker. Natasha stepped through the doors and into the church, with Abby skipping behind her tossing rose petals. The doors closed behind them and you turned to Tony.

“Dad, I don’t think I can do this.”

 

* * *

 

 

Bucky was at the back of the church, breathing in and out, pacing back and forth, hands lifting to his neck.

“I swear to God, I’ll break your wrist if you reach for that goddamn tie again.”

Bucky blew out a breath, looking back to Steve.

“Why do I have to wear one? It’s closing off my air.”  
“It is not closing off your air.  _Relax_.”

Bucky huffed out another breath, shaking his head.

“Why am I acting like this? Is it a sign? Do we not need to get married if we’re both freaking out like this?”  
“Maybe it’s a sign that you do.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and Steve shrugged his shoulders.

“I’ve got you here, and you’re clearly losing your shit. Nat and Pepper both said Y/N was nervous in the bride’s room. Who’s to say when we put you guys together that all the pieces won’t fall into place? Separated, you two are disasters. Together, you’re … able to breathe.”

Bucky nodded.

“I need her. Just hearing her voice on the phone calmed me down some.”  
“See? So let’s just go ahead and get you with her and see what happens.”

Bucky let out a shaky breath, nodding again. Steve walked over and clapped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“I’m so happy for you, Buck. Really.”  
“Thanks, man.”

Steve smiled, both of them laughing softly when they met in a hug. Steve nodded, opening the door and walking into the church. Bucky swallowed on a dry throat, turning and glancing over his shoulder. At the end of the hall stood a man staring daggers at him. Bucky furrowed his brows and watched Happy Hogan point at his own eyes, then at Bucky. Bucky rolled his eyes and shook his head, then followed Steve out into the church.

Bucky smiled when he watched Natasha make her way down the aisle, hair pulled back from her face in an elegant updo, the purple gown showcasing her porcelain shoulders. She carried white roses and lilies in her little bouquet, and she winked at Bucky as she took her place. Abby skipped down the aisle, tossing petals above her head, the dress she wore the same color as Natasha’s, but more age appropriate. Abby stopped when she got to the front of the church, walking to him. Bucky smiled as he knelt down, taking her hands, smiling as she whispered to him.

“Did I do good?”  
“You did great, Abs. Thank you.”  
“Wait ‘til you see Y/N. She’s so pretty.”

Bucky smiled, kissing Abby’s cheek. Natasha whispered to her and Abby hurried over to stand beside Natasha. The chords of the bridal march began to play, and Bucky felt lightheaded as he straightened up  and the doors to the front of the church opened.

But she wasn’t there.

His heart fell to his feet as he stepped forward, eyes scanning the room. There was no sign of anyone at the back of the church, and Bucky could swear he heard the screech of tires. Pepper’s sorrow-filled gaze was all he could focus on as he fell to sit on the steps of the altar, Steve kneeling beside him.

“If you pass out in front of all these people, I will wake your ass up just to kick it so everyone can watch. Breathe, you idiot.”

Bucky blinked hard, shaking his head, looking around the room. He was standing up, in front of the minister, and he glanced over his shoulder, looking at Steve, who rolled his eyes. Steve squeezed his shoulder and gave him a nod as the doors to the front of the church slowly opened, the beginning chords of the wedding march playing. Bucky licked his lips …

And felt his heart promptly stop.

You were absolutely breathtaking. The dress was gorgeous, and you were wearing it like it was made for you. Which, knowing your father, it probably was. Your hair was pulled up, and your eyes were cast down. Bucky watched Tony give your hand a squeeze before he took a step and you raised your head, eyes locking onto Bucky’s.

He couldn’t breathe. Tears came to his eyes and he didn’t even feel ashamed. Your eyes lit up when you saw him, and he shook his head, stepping forward until Steve laid a hand on his shoulder, holding him back. Quiet laughs rose from the crowd as you and Tony made your way down the aisle, and Bucky fought the urge to run to you.

It seemed like forever, but you were finally standing in front of Bucky, and he was staring at you in awe. Tony smiled as he shook Bucky’s hand, moving to lift your veil and kiss your cheek before placing your hand in Bucky’s. Tony nodded, a muscle in his jaw tightening.

“You take care of her, Barnes.”  
“Yes, sir.”

Tony nodded, moving to sit beside his wife. Pepper ran a hand over his back and Tony grabbed her hand, lifting it to his lips before holding it tightly. Bucky kept hold of your hand as the two of you made it up the steps. You turned to face each other and you gave a deep sigh.

“You okay?”

Bucky basically mouthed the words, since the minister was speaking to the crowd. You gave a nod, smiling at him.

“I am now.”

Bucky shook his head, eyes traveling up and down your dress.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

You blushed, and Bucky smiled, because that little twinge of color high on your cheeks was exactly what was needed to complete your look. Bucky tuned in to what the minister was saying and took both of your hands after you handed Natasha your bouquet. As soon as your hands were in his, he gave his own sigh of relief.

_“Don’t touch me.”_

_You closed your eyes as you took a step back, lifting your hand to your forehead. Bucky ground his teeth together and put his left hand on the floor, using it to push himself up. You started to open your mouth, then stopped, standing back. You watched as he reached up to the chair and grabbed the back of it, pulling himself up, and you saw the exact moment his hand shook and he instinctually let go of the chair, falling back to the floor. You closed your eyes._

_“Goddamn it!”_   
_“Buck—“_   
_“Don’t! Just … leave me alone.”_

_You turned away from him, and he pushed his hands through his hair, gritting his teeth when his left hand shook. He let it fall by his side and let out a breath, eyes widening when you walked over and knelt in front of him._

_“I know this sucks. I know your arm isn’t what it used to be and we’re still trying to get it back. I know it hurts and you’re in pain, but you are not alone here.”_

_Bucky nodded._

_“Well, what if I want to be?”_   
_“Then you shouldn’t have asked me to marry you.”_   
_“What if I want to take that back?”_   
_“Tough shit.”_

_Bucky’s eyes widened and you leaned in closer to him._

_“I am here and I’m not going anywhere. Whether you want to admit it or not, you need my help. So let me help you, damn it. It doesn’t mean you’re weak.”_   
_“I’m—“_   
_“A stubborn asshole who won’t listen or let anyone in. I am right here, Bucky, and I’m not leaving you, no matter how hard you push me away. So you can sit here on the floor and stew or you can let me help you up, but either way, I’ve got to have a second to breathe. I’m spending the night at my parents’ place tonight.”_

_You went to stand up and Bucky’s left hand shot out, grabbing hold of your wrist. You looked down at your hands, then met his eyes, the icy blue pleading as he stared at you._

_“Don’t leave me.”_   
_“I’m not. I just need a break.”_   
_“Don’t go. I’m sorry.”_   
_“Don’t do this.”_   
_“Please.”_

_You closed your eyes, pulling your hand away from his. You stood up and he crawled to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and putting his face in your stomach. You closed your eyes and let your head fall back on your shoulders, unable to stop the tears. You realized that Bucky kept repeating that he was sorry, and you sniffled as you knelt back down, taking him in your arms._

_“Bucky—“_   
_“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t … I don’t want to hurt you and that’s all fucking do.”_   
_“No, honey, no.”_

_You pushed your fingers through his hair, closing your eyes when he buried his face in your hair._

_“This is hard. Buck, I know how hard this is. You’re hurting and you’re scared and I get it. But you’ve got to stop keeping it all inside. Let me help you. Talk to me. Talk to Steve. Let us in.”_   
_“You are in.”_

_He leaned back where he could look into your eyes, and your heart tightened when you saw the tears sparkling in his eyes._

_“You are in every piece of my heart and I hate myself for hurting you.”_   
_“Don’t.”_   
_“I can’t help it.”_

_He moved his left hand to cup your face, scrunching his nose when his hand gave a shake._

_“I love you, Y/N. I don’t want to be like this, but I don’t know what to do.”_

_You moved a hand to cup his face._

_“Just let me help you.”_

_He nodded and you leaned in, gently kissing his lips. You moved to rest your forehead on his and he gave a shaky exhale._

_“I love you too, Barnes.”_   
_“Don’t give up on me.”_   
_“I won’t.”_   
_“Please, baby.”_   
_“Bucky, I’m here. I’m right here.”_

_You moved both hands to his face, lifting it until you could look into his eyes. Both of you kept your eyes open as you leaned in and kissed him, until you started to lie back and pulled him with you._

“James, repeat after me.”

Bucky blinked, taking his eyes from you and looking at the minister, who just smiled and continued talking. Bucky repeated the words he was prompted, smiling the entire time.

“I, James, take you, Y/N, to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health—“

The gentle squeeze you gave his left hand made his heart soar, and he almost went off-script to kiss you right then. Instead, he cleared his throat, voice going hoarse with emotion as he finished his vows.

“To love and to cherish all the days of my life. I love you.”

You gave a soft laugh at his extra words and you nodded. The minister turned to you, instructing to you repeat after him, and you did.

“I, Y/N, take you, James, to be my husband. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish all the days of my life.”

The minister called for the rings, and Bucky glanced over his shoulder to see Steve smiling at him, a simple white-gold band in his hand. He turned back to see you turn from Natasha, his ring in your hand. The minister told the two of you to take turns sliding the rings on, and you did as he asked. Bucky smiled at you, slowly sliding the ring on your finger as he spoke.

“Y/N, with this ring, I marry you and bind my life to yours. It is a symbol of my eternal love, my everlasting friendship, and the promise of all my tomorrows.”

You blinked at the sudden tears in your eyes, smiling at Bucky as you slid the ring onto his finger.

“James … Bucky, with this ring, I marry you and bind my life to yours. It is a symbol of my eternal love, my everlasting friendship, and the promise of all my tomorrows.”

Bucky gave your hands a gentle squeeze, eyes widening as the minister announced to the crowd that you were now husband and wife.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. James Buchanan Barnes. James, you may kiss your bride.”

Bucky reached forward and took hold of your face, bringing you closer and laying his lips on yours. Your hands moved to his waist, and when you pulled apart, you were both smiling widely. Steve gave a shout behind the two of you that made you laugh, and Bucky pulled you in for one more kiss, making you laugh as he dipped you, laughter and cheers rising from the crowd as you kissed. He stood you back up and the two of you turned to face the crowd.

Pepper and Tony were both crying, and even Clint was dabbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket. Bucky slid your arm through his and led you from the church. Once you were out the doors, Bucky pulled you close, moving his hands to your face again.

“You are the most beautiful thing I ever laid my eyes on.”  
“I love you.”

Bucky shook his head, giving a soft laugh.

“We did it.”

You laughed, leaning in and kissing him, your hands moving to his back to push him closer.

“Hey, hey, enough of that!”

You broke away from Bucky with a smile on your face, looking to Steve as he and Natasha made it to the back of the church. Steve took you away from Bucky, wrapping you in his arms, lifting you and twirling you around. You laughed, holding tight to him, clinging to him when he set you on your feet. You finally pulled back to look up at him and he gave you a sweet smile.

“I’m so happy for you, beautiful. Congratulations.”  
“Don’t make me mess up my makeup, Rogers.”

He laughed, leaning in to give you a peck on the lips. You giggled, laughing when he was shoved out of the way and Natasha was hugging you close.

“That ceremony was beautiful.”

You shook your head.

“I can’t tell you a single thing that happened.”

Natasha laughed, leaning back and holding you at arm's’ length.

“Well, now you can breathe. It’s party time!”

 

* * *

 

 

You lost count of how many people you hugged, how many times you heard “congratulations,” and how many glasses of champagne were pressed into your hands. You only drank one glass, sipping the others to be polite before setting them aside. Bucky kept hold of your hand at almost all times, only letting you go to let you dance with Tony—a dance you both cried all the way through—Happy, Clint, and then to let Steve take a turn twirling you around the floor.

Once your dance with Steve was over, Bucky whisked you back into his arms, pulling you close as a slow song began to play.

“Hey, handsome.”

Steve smiled and turned back, Natasha standing behind him in the beautiful purple dress that showcased her curves.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Watch it. My husband’s around here somewhere.”  
“Like that’s ever stopped me.”

Natasha laughed, stepping closer to him and laying a hand on his arm.

“Can we talk?”

Steve blinked, but nodded, laying a hand against Natasha’s back and leading her out of the ballroom and into a hallway. Steve stepped away from her, running a thumb along his bottom lip.

“What, uh … what’s up?”

Natasha took in a breath, letting it out slowly.

“I’m just going to come out and say it, okay?”

Steve nodded. Natasha took in another breath.

“Steve, this wasn’t the only wedding that happened today.”

His eyebrows furrowed and Natasha stepped closer.

“Honey … Dizzy got married.”  
“What?”

Steve gave a laugh.

“Nat, I … I don’t know where you got your information, but that … no. That’s not—“

She held out her cellphone, and Steve looked down at it. Sure enough, there was Dizzy, a smile on her face as she looked into the eyes of the man standing next to her. Steve’s face fell, hands shaking as he took the phone from Natasha’s outstretched hand. He turned away from her and she walked up behind him, laying a hand against his back.

“Honey, I’m sorry.”  
“How could she do this?”

Natasha gave a sigh and Steve moved away from her, her hand falling from his back. He turned back to her, shaking his head as he held her phone out to her.

“Take this before I break it.”

Natasha nodded as she took it back from him and he shook his head, body starting to tremble. Natasha took in a breath, reaching out for him. He gave a laugh, shaking his head as he stepped back.

“Don’t … don’t touch me right now. I need … god.”  
“Hey. Everything okay out here?”

Natasha shook her head as Clint stepped into the room. Steve was pacing, hands pushing through his hair. Clint went to Natasha’s side and she handed him her phone. He took one look at the photo and ran a hand down his face.

“Well, shit.”

Natasha nodded, and Steve stopped pacing. He looked back at her and the breath caught in her chest at the pain in his eyes.

“Steve—“

He turned and walked away, back into the ballroom. He walked right over to you and pulled you away from Bucky, running away from him, wrapping you in his arms and twirling you around again. You laughed, laying your hands on his thick arms when he set you back down. You smiled as you looked up at him, seeing the soft smile on his face when he looked back at you.

“You okay, big guy?”

Half of Steve’s mouth quirked up in some semblance of a smile.

“Yeah, babe. I just … wanted to tell you goodbye before they swept you away from me.”

You tilted your head to the side, going up on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

“I love you, Stevie. Thanks for everything.”  
“I’d do it ten times again if I could. Take care of my guy, okay?”

You nodded.

“I will. We’ll be back before you know it. Enjoy the time off from the clinic.”

Steve nodded, wrapping you in another hug. Bucky walked over, one eyebrow raised. You held your hands up, listening as Pepper whispered in your ear. You lifted one finger to Bucky, following your mother away from the men. Steve watched you go, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

“Hey, you okay?”

Steve made himself smile, nodding as he turned to Bucky.

“Fine. Just wanted to say goodbye while I had the chance.”

Bucky rolled his eyes.

“We’re only going to be gone for two weeks. Everyone’s acting like it’s a permanent move instead of a vacation.”  
“Honeymoon, not vacation.”

Bucky smiled as you sidled up next to him.

“We’re going to stage an exit with the photographer, then we can call it a night.”

Steve made a face and a gagging noise at the sparkle in both yours and Bucky’s eyes. You giggled, and Bucky took your face in his hands as he kissed you. Steve glanced away, swallowing hard when he saw the gold band glittering on Bucky’s finger. You pulled apart, Bucky growling low.

“Let’s get this picture done so I can make love to my wife, please.”  
“And before I projectile vomit all over the nice floor.”

You laughed, reaching out for Steve, squeezing his hand once when he offered it to you. You looped your arm through Bucky’s and walked with him towards the door, leaving Steve behind, watching after the two of you. He took in a deep breath, nodding before he took a step forward, following after you.

 

* * *

 

 

“I can’t believe she actually got married.”  
“And the guy? What a clown.”

You smiled, folding a shirt you’d pulled from the dryer. Bucky was behind you, making a list of all the things you needed to buy at the store. Two weeks was a long time away, but at least you’d had the idea to clean out the refrigerator before you left.

“I love you.”

You smiled, glancing back at Bucky.

“I love you too, husband.”

Bucky smiled, taking a step forward.

“Say that again.”  
“What?”  
“You know what.”

Your smile grew as you turned from the dryer, looping your arms around his neck. Bucky’s hands came to rest on your hips and you leaned closer.

“Husband.”  
“Wife.”

You gave an exaggerated full-body shiver.

“Say it again.”

Bucky laughed, ducking his head to kiss you. After a moment, he pulled back to look down at you.

“Want to test out the spin cycle on the washer?”

You laughed, kissing his cheek.

“As much as I’d love it, we need to go check on Steve.”  
“Do we have to?”  
“We need to make sure he’s okay after the news about Dizzy. I still can’t believe no one told us at the wedding.”  
“Uh, I’m fine with that.”

You raised an eyebrow and Bucky shook his head.

“The wedding was  _our_ day. It didn’t need to be overshadowed by anything Dizzy had done. Anyway, Dizzy’s always doing something.”

You nodded, kissing his cheek again, smiling when he turned his head and you kissed his lips. You pulled your phone from your pocket, motioning over your shoulder.

“Load some towels up, will you? Hot water, two laundry pods.”  
“Yes, my Queen.”

You winked at him, scrolling through your phone until you found Steve’s number.

_“The number you are calling is no longer in service.”_

You blinked, pulling the phone away from your ear and looking down at it. You exited the app, then pulled it up again, going for Steve’s number.

_“The number you are calling is no longer in service.”_

You blinked, turning and walking back to the laundry room.

“Buck, where’s your phone?”  
“Hmm?”  
“Your phone. Where is it?”

He turned from the washing machine, pulling his phone from his back pocket and handing it to you. You scrolled through his phone book, finding Steve’s number and dialing it.

_“The number you are calling is no longer in service.”_  
“Oh my god.”  
“What?”

You dialed the number again, holding the phone to Bucky’s ear. His brow furrowed when he heard the recording, and you shook your head.

“That’s why he didn’t text us back last night.”  
“Let’s go to his place.”

You nodded, leaving the laundry room and going to Bucky’s new truck. You were at Steve’s place in no time, but the lights were off. Mail was all over the porch, and you stepped from the truck, crossing your arms over your chest. Bucky jogged up the front steps, pounding on the door, but no one ever came. He started yelling for Steve, banging on the door until you walked up and laid a hand on his arm. He turned back to look at you, blue eyes confused and full of hurt. You shook your head.

“He’s gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! Thanks for sticking with me and for all the kind words you left in reviews. For real, they kept me going when I wanted to give up. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for letting me write what I want and for reading it and loving it.
> 
> Don't worry if you loved this 'verse, though. I've been planning to tell Steve's story since about chapter three of this one. Steve's series is currently untitled, but when I figure that out, I'll come and change this to let you guys know. Steve and Dizzy's story is one HELL of a roller coaster, and their series may be even more angsty than this one. 
> 
> XOXO,   
> Rachel


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